Coffee Chats w/ Dr. D

Hey, Cadre, it's me, Dr. D. Welcome to my last coffee chat of the year. And I just want to thank everyone who has listened to me ramble sometimes throughout this year. But it has been an amazing journey this year. This is something I never dreamed I would ever do, but I really enjoyed it, and I enjoy being in this space with you. And I'm going to put my coffee down. I don't really have a lot in there because I just finished a session and so there's just, like a little drop left. Hey, Luke, how's it going?

But this is a really beautiful day, right? The last day of the year, and I really enjoy this day. I don't care too much about the new year, like, the actual day of the new year. Hello, everybody. Coming in. But the last day is a great day of reflection. And I've just been overjoyed just looking back at this year and how much God has blessed me and how much God has blessed the people in my life. And just seeing how things come together is, you know, everything happens for a reason. And I think this space that we're sharing today, like, this is a space that was created by a very important person and the team that he has.

Everyone here at Cadre just does amazing things. All of the content creators, the people that join in on the chats, you know, the comments that are being left, I think this is just a wonderful place to be. And so I'm just really grateful. And I just. I always go through my phone on the last day of the year. I don't know why I started this a couple years ago, but I'll go through my contacts and I'll just kind of scroll and see do I want to keep this person in my life for the next year. And then there are some people that I just cannot bring myself to delete.

You know, I have multiple contacts, and I think I counted, like, over 500 people in my phone, and I don't talk to all those people. So this is one of your challenges for the year, for the day today is to consider who do you have in your life right now, who's in your contact list, whether you're close to them or not? And are these people that you want to continue to have a relationship with or connection to in the next year? And if you are struggling to let go of certain people, I want you to ask yourself, why?

Why are you holding on to certain people, especially the ones that are toxic? Okay, Shannon, I want to know what you do with this challenge. So I'm just Going to get personal with you. So there are people in my contact log, and this is my phone contacts, and on Facebook and all my social media platforms, there are people that I have had in my phone since I was very, very young. And I keep them in my phone with this idea of, well, what if someday I do talk to them again? Because these are people that I haven't talked to in years.

And I always hold on to them, like, well, what if we have this connection? What if we reconnect? I don't want to lose the information about them or if I have, like, the chats, you know, so there are some streams of, I'm losing my words today, y'all, the conversation. So whether it's emails, I have emails from 1999 even. That's when I first started my email, Little Lady 41 1. I still remember it. I still have my original email address in my email account. There are conversations in that email account that I just cannot let go of.

And there are people in my context, I just cannot let go of. And that's my personal problem, right? There are people that I'm holding on to that they probably are not thinking about me at all. So why am I holding on so tight? And I think we do this to ourselves where we want to continue to hold space. And I may have shared this with you guys before, but there was a time years ago when I was younger, there was someone who told the story of how a friend of theirs called them and they didn't answer the phone because they were busy, but that person ended up losing their life to suicide.

And they look back and they reflect on, what if I would have answered that call? And I kind of hold on to that, too. So I always answer phone calls, or at least I message the person, say, hey, is everything okay? But I kind of have that mindset, too, of holding on to context, like, what if they need me someday? And as I've been reflecting on this the last couple of weeks, I'm just noticing, like, how toxic that is. What if they need me? Who am I, you know, if they haven't needed me in the last five years, 10 years, why am I holding on to these contacts?

Do you guys resonate with this? Are there people in your life that you're just like, what if they need me someday? Or, what if I need them someday? And you just keep holding onto this connection that really isn't even there anymore? And I think it's okay to dream or to have the desire to reconnect with people, but we have to be real with ourselves when that connection is really done. And it's okay to lose connection. It's okay to let go of people that are no longer serving us or that we are no longer serving.

I think we all have purpose in the timing of our purpose in each other's lives. It can be a short term, it can be long term. There are some people, very few, I think, that are lifelong friendships or lifelong connections. Most of our connections that we make are very short term and they serve a purpose. And so continue to think about what purpose are you serving or what purpose is this person in your life or in your phone contacts serving you? If they're not serving a purpose anymore, just know it's okay to let it go.

I'm also a strong believer in when we let go of things, we make space and we make room for new things and maybe sometimes better things to come into our lives. And when we're ready to let go of connections that are no longer serving us, we are making space for new connections to enter our lives. So as we're walking into the next year, consider what areas of your life do you need to allow people to enter? Whether it's, you know, maybe romantic or maybe co workers, maybe it's a job, maybe it's, you know, you want to travel, you're open to meeting new people.

Maybe it's, you know, connecting with people in different spaces that you can't even think about just yet. And I'll tell you, I mean, that's real. It happened to me here at Cadre. The people I've met at Cadre, I never would have connected with them. But there was one person that connected all of us. And it's been an amazing experience and I'm so grateful for that. But if I wasn't open to that or if I didn't have space for it where we are today in that group of connections, it wouldn't even exist right now.

So think about that. And you guys are like just throwing out all the comments so I haven't been able to read through them. I will go back and watch the replay and read some of those. But Jules, you're saying it's. You find it hard until delete numbers of people that have passed away. That's a good one. I have voicemails of people who have passed and even Facebook accounts. Isn't that weird that these people that have passed their Facebook account is still active and you just can't delete that contact for some reason?

That's really hard, especially if you had A really strong connection. So I have voicemails from my grandmother. She used to call me on my birthday and just leave me a voice message. And so those are messages I never deleted, and I don't think I ever will. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You know, if you want to keep that person alive in your spirit. I had an interesting conversation with a client, actually, who was from Mexican descent, and she had shared with me that the way that they keep their ancestors alive is by continuing to talk about that person.

And so once that person is no longer talked about, that's when they actually leave. So if that's someone that you feel is near and dear to you and you want to keep that connection in that way, I also want to encourage you to keep talking about that person, keep them alive in that way. So that's all I have for y'all. This was a very, very random conversation that I wanted to have, but that's just where I am today. I am looking forward to the new year. I'm in this place of reflection where I'm so grateful, and I'm excited to see what connections I'm going to make in 2025.

So I hope you all stay safe tonight. However you're celebrating, if you can be intentional about celebrating with someone that you love or at least reach out to someone that you love, send them a text message or give them a call even, I think that's even better for them to hear your voice. But you guys stay safe, be prosperous, be healthy, and really know that your goals that you have for the next year, they will happen if you put some effort into it. Okay, so I will be back next week, like, regular, and I'm going to maybe start fresh for the new year with some new topics related to relationships.

And so if you guys have any ideas or if there's something burning on your heart about relationships, please message me and let me know what you would like to talk about. But y'all have a wonderful day. Bye.