Harbor Pilots

I think we're in. Good morning, Cadre from Pennsylvania, where I've just returned from my Colorado vacation. My name is Kathy Joy. My Cadre handle is Speak Wonder. And my theme on Thursday caregiver day is harbor pilots. And I have a cold. As you're probably aware, if you ever do air travel, traveling in general and being on a little plane in particular is not good for the respiratory. Respiratory system. Ms. Shannon. Hello, Shannon. Paul. Oh, I love your laughter and your humor. There's Steph. My friends are chiming in.

Good morning to you. So great to see you. So I got in during, I should say in between blizzards. So Erie, Pennsylvania, hey, is much in the news lately for its weather? Yeah. And I was away for most of that drama. I was in Colorado where they were getting sunny conditions and warm temperatures. As a matter of fact, the day that I flew, it was to be 60 degrees. So crazy times, right? So to be in that sunny venue and take lots of walks, I took lots of hikes while out west. And then to watch the TV news and see my hometown getting pretty much pounded with snow was rather surreal.

And then coming in, it was still daylight when we flew into the airport here in Erie yesterday. And I could see the bay and the lake, the peninsula, and we call it Bicentennial Tower, which is a big lighthouse on the bay. It was gorgeous. I had never seen the peninsula completely snow covered, certainly not from a bird's eye view. And that was a treat, a real treat. So pardon me if I sneeze or blow my nose. Tis the season. One thing I got to do of many out in Colorado, which used to be my home area, is I got to leave my boats everywhere.

If you've been with me for a while on the Cadre, then you know that one of my ministries, if you will, is to fold little paper origami boats out of maps. We don't really use paper maps or atlases anymore. We use, you know, all the technology and we Google map and we find our way through our gps. Well, all these maps laying around, people have started noticing that I make my boats and they've been giving me their old maps and I'm having a blast. And so this just fits right in with my harbor pilots theme.

The little boat that goes and comes alongside to help carry the larger boats into safe harbor, the boats who are struggling in unknown waters. And that's what we do for each other. So I left these with friends out there as a symbol of there being a harbor pilot in my life. And it was just A fabulous visit. And before I left, I was sharing with one of my life coaches how I was hesitant to leave Pennsylvania and go on a vacation. And I was feeling rather guilty. And she asked me why and I said, because my mom needs me.

I'm a caregiver to my mom. And even though reinforcements were in place and she was well taken care of, I still felt badly. And she looked at me and she said, you know what? Geography does not determine your mom's happiness. Geography does not determine the length of her life. Geography doesn't change much except you're going to get the self care you need. So fly away, girl, fly away. And I did. I flew away. And guess what? The earth stayed on its axis. My mom got her three meals a day and a warm bed.

Sounds like she's imprisoned three hots in a cot, right? Mom was well taken care of. My brother even had said to me, listen, I'll visit her more often, you go. So I had everyone's blessing except my own. And I think that's what we do sometimes as caregivers is we don't give ourselves the concern and regard that we give others. So I invite you to do that, especially during the holidays. Yeah, I heard a podcast last night and it's one of my favorites because their choice of words is so beautiful. It's real survival stories.

A terrible thing to go to sleep too. It's stories of people surviving extreme weather, things like that. Anyway, the narrator described the scene as a dull, muted glow. He described the sky that way. A dull, muted glow. That is poetry, guys. That's poetry. And that's how I would describe the sky last night. Pre blizzard here in Erie, Pennsylvania, are getting pounded again. And last night at 10:00 at night, you guys, it was shortly after I had watched Anila leading with love and I decided to open the door and see how blustery it was.

And it looked like daylight. And I think it was because of the snow falling. And just the sky was white rather than dark as it should be at night. So a dull, muted glow. Just beautiful description. Very poetic. So speaking of the holidays, which I think I started out on, maybe the holidays and our elderly relatives. Elderly relatives. I first of all, let me just tie that loose end up about visiting and taking care of yourself, and then I'll get to these practical tips. There's a couple of them I really, really like, and you might like them.

Also, excuse me for either incorporating old traditions or making new ones with the one you're caring for or the ones you Care for Robert has joined. Hello. Oh, Cadre, it's so nice to have you here. Thanks for sending me love. Thanks for sending me hearts. Hearts and tissues. That's my day today. So to wrap that up, if you need to take some time for yourself, whether it's a day away, ladies, maybe it's a spa day or, you know, just. Is it really bad if we binge watch something that we love on tv?

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Hey, Robert, why is this? We just are. We're really harsh with ourselves when we give everybody else lots of grace and, and nurture consideration for their needs. So. Oh, that was the other thing. I got to sit with a lady which I might have shared on last week's Cadre, who's taking care of her 97 year old mama. And I've known this woman for years and years, having lived in Colorado before and she is doing a beautiful job. And I got to reinforce that and reassure her how well she's doing because sometimes we're so close to our situations, we don't realize that we're doing okay.

And it's great to have affirmation. So affirm yourself while you're affirming others. Take that break when you need it. And a really great thing for 2025, which is just around the corner, is to circle something on your calendar, maybe a weekend somewhere or something on your bucket list, something for you. And you can look forward to that as you take care of yourself so that you're not pouring from an empty cup. A couple of ideas that I saw. This is a really cool magazine that's free in Erie, of course, I think it's called Senior News and I'm in that demographic.

So it's usually at the grocery store as I'm leaving the store. And so I picked one up last night as I was driving home from the airport. Fill my fridge because, yeah, we're getting this blizzard. Oh, you guys should see it. It starts by saying many people are filled with joyful anticipation and festive good cheer. Excuse me? Festive good cheer right now. But some are apprehensive and may also experience heightened feelings of loneliness at Christmas. Or perhaps they feel empty inside. And of course, immediately I thought of my mom, who's 91, she'll be 92 in the spring.

It says consider gifts of time and talent. Yeah, that's great. Create a book of IOUs for things like home cooked meals, baked goods, household chores or repairs, yard work, a chauffeuring to the store, running errands or teaching a skill such as computers. So I know I'm zooming in on the elderly. This could be for anybody. But my template is my mom, and one of the things she's lost in her elder years is the ability to use her cell phone. She was once very good with it. She could send pictures and receive pictures, but that's not happening now.

She's confused with the phone. It's actually a source of stress rather than a means of communication. She could use a landline, and she does use her landline, and that's fine. So she said to me, I guess it was, you know, like last summer, she says, you know, I really miss pictures. And I said, I know when I come see you, I'll show you pictures on my phone. And she said, well, sweetie, what I really want is pictures that I could look at, like in a photo album. And I'm so glad she said that because I had the most fun getting my prints at Walmart and putting them in a photo book for her.

Now she has it at the nursing home, and she shows everybody who she can catch. She'll chase them down. Look at my grandkids. Look at my great grandkids. Aren't they beautiful? And she shares her joy with others. So that's a great idea is to maybe go old school and print some photos and give them to your loved one. But I love that idea of, rather than gifts of material things, gifts of time and talent. Do you play an instrument? Do you sing? Why don't you do that and maybe take it a step further?

If your loved one is living in assisted living or skilled nursing, you could tell the activity director you play an instrument, and they will love that. And they'll ask you to play for the greater crowd. Let me see. Invite them to share recipes. This really jumped out at me. Invite them to share recipes for special dishes or sweets. My mom no longer has access to a kitchen. She's wheelchair bound. So even if she had access, she couldn't stand up and do the baking she prolifically used to do. But when I sit with her or when I'm on the phone with mom June, I'll say, hey, what about that recipe for date nut cookies?

And she could rattle that off like this. So if you like these ideas, send me a heart or a smile emoji or maybe a sunshine. We need sunshine right now in Erie. If you can send me a Sunshine, that would be great. I like that. And in addition to encouraging regarding recipes, you could encourage them to reminisce about holidays, past holidays when they were kids. Are you caregiving someone with dementia? They're going to remember way back. And it'll be a pleasure to share family customs, special people in places, the gift they remember, the snowfall they recall, have them share memories.

Staying connected is one of the best gifts that we can give. So planning ahead, being willing to modify and you know, when we forego a tradition, it's not really so much a loss as it is a pivot. Again, when you forego a family tradition, it's not so much a loss as it is a pivot or an adjustment. And you find something that works just as well and it can be a real blessing. I'm sure you'll come up with your own solutions and ideas. I have to go blow my nose for real now. See the painting behind me?

I did that. I did that at one of those paint and sip classes. Sip and paint and you do whatever the teachers, the instructors showing you. So I brought this out for my easel. I live in a very small apartment, so I switched the pictures out to redecorate. Thanks for the heart. So there's another thought. Maybe you could go to one of those classes and gift the picture that you did to someone who could use some cheering up. Yes, it can be lonely at Christmas time. And yes, the feelings of emptiness and isolation are heightened during this time.

I think we all experience that different years. So let's take care of ourselves and let's take care of the ones that are in our on our radar in ways that are loving, thoughtful, that are planned out and simple. Material gifts are great. Sometimes giving a memory or sharing a tradition from the past is just as wonderful. You can send real cards in the mail, get those photos printed off your phone. And you probably have some great ideas too. Can't wait to see you again on the Cadre next week. I'll have my voice back.

Thank you, Steph. Thank you everybody for joining. It's been great to spend some time with you and stay tuned in. There's some more Cadre contributors coming in and I get so much out of each and every one. I often do the replay. Lately I've been doing a lot of replay. Crossing two time zones is no joke, you guys. It's no joke. My dog didn't know that it was four in the morning. She thought it was six o'clock her time Eastern. So we've been up a while. I did not know my voice was so froggy. It's great to see you here and I'll see you again.

Stay well, stay safe. Remain creative and flexible, and I'll see you next time on the Cadre.