We all have that inner self-critic in us -- it's human nature! What takes more work is to regularly practice self-compassion.
Self compassion is directing that empathy towards ourselves. Empathy is the antidote to shame. Sometimes we can lean too heavily on that inner self critic. Self criticism comes naturally, but you might have to try a little bit harder to have some self compassion.
Three principles of self compassion: mindfulness, kindness and humanity. If you're more critical than self compassionate, you're not alone. We're all united in discomfort as human beings. Stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind.
Probably a safe assumption to say that you've heard of the word empathy before and self compassion at its core is directing that empathy towards ourselves. Empathy is so powerful because it is the antidote to shame and that's the emotion we feel when we tell ourselves we're not good enough. We're much more likely to shame or punish ourselves for mistakes that we make than we ever would for other people. I work with high level athletes all the time. With this skill of self compassion, I'll acknowledge that shame and being your own self critic can be helpful at times.
I use it for my own purpose. For example, I do a lot of presentations with soldiers in my job and I'm constantly reflecting and critiquing my performance. I gotta do this better. And it does help at times. However, sometimes we can lean too heavily on that inner self critic. I like to think about it as a balancing act, kind of like that devil and angel on our shoulder. Both are helpful at times, but often again, we rely too much on that self critic on our shoulder. Self criticism comes naturally, but you might have to try a little bit harder to have some self compassion.
And that's why I want to show you three principles of self compassion. Compassion number one is mindfulness, and this is a buzzword nowadays. I understand that, but Brene Brown, the great author and researcher, phrases it very simply as paying attention, which I really like. And it's very simple. How it relates to self compassion is we need to be aware of and be objective with our thoughts. And this means not ruminating, fixating or getting stuck, but acknowledging our emotions and thoughts and being mindful of them.
The second principle is self kindness, which makes sense for self compassion. There's another great researcher, her name is Kristen Neff and she's a leader in this principle. She runs the self compassion research lab and is the author of a book called Self Compassion. Stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind. She defines self kindness as being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self criticism.
In my opinion, the easiest and most effective way to enhance your self kindness is to talk to yourself like someone you love. For example, I would never tell my fiance, oh, you missed one workout in your training plan. You're worthless and lazy. But on the flip side, I would tell myself that instantly if it happened to me. Direct that kindness towards yourself and treat yourself kindly. The third and last principle is humanity. And this is why I'm making this video, because you're not alone. If you notice, you're more self critical than self compassionate.
We're all united in discomfort as human beings. Kristen Neff has another great quote. That suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience which is super powerful and indicates that again, we're not alone if we're super critical of ourselves. We all feel shame, we all feel frustration, disappointment, et cetera. You're not alone. And sometimes knowing that can be a powerful driving force for self compassion.
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