Coffee Chats w/ Dr. D

Okay, let's try that again. I think my mic was not plugged in, so please forgive me. I'm a hot mess today. But it's okay. I'm here. I showed up, So I am Dr. D. Please forgive me for being late. I had to. I had to make my coffee. And because I had some earlier, I actually got up earlier than I usually do for an early meeting and which went well, but I had coffee earlier in the day than I normally do. So I'm a little thrown off. I don't know if that has ever happened to you. If you have your. Your regular routine is thrown off a little bit.

Just kind of throws everything off. Right. But I am. I want to talk to you guys about something that is. It just really was a random thought that I had recently. And I don't know if you guys have noticed this about me, but I don't like to have a script. I don't like to kind of have things kind of pre planned for my coffee chats. I just like to talk about, you know, whatever's on my heart or my mind for the day. Hi, Jules. And so this random idea came to mind as I was reflecting about what I have going on in life.

Where am I going? What just happened yesterday? So let me catch you up. So yesterday I was able to speak to a room full of boss women talking about friendships among boss women. And in that presentation, I remember talking about the. The changes that I made and how my friendships have evolved as I became Dr. D. And I wanted to talk about that process of becoming and to think about what does it mean to be and what does it mean to become, and how do you know where you are in life when it comes to those different stages?

So I just googled the. The definition of those two things. But to be means to exist or to have a presence. And to become is to change, to grow, to transform. So I like to encourage people when they're feeling stuck, feeling stuck in what do I do next? Or I don't know how to be like. Especially if they're coming out of a relationship and they don't know who they are anymore or if they've had a loss of some sort. Maybe they've lost a child or lost a family member and they don't have a role or they've lost a job even, and that role has been stripped from them.

They don't know who to be or how to be, behave, or become anymore. And I will just share something personal with you because I'm in the process of Becoming or being? Let me. Let me rephrase it. I think I'm in a stage of being in different ways. So for those of you who don't know much about me, so I am a licensed clinical professional counselor, and I am also a Jiu Jitsu practitioner. So I'm a women's coach for 10th planet, Jiu Jitsu and O'Fallon. And I am on the verge of getting my next belt. So being a purple belt is a really big deal, especially as a woman.

So at my school, there are no purple belts. So the highest ranked female is a blue belt, which is what I am right now. And so if you know anything about Jiu jitsu, purple belt is like that middle stage. And they say if you reach purple, you're basically a black belt. So I am in this process, and I have been for a while, if I reflect on it, of being a purple belt and becoming that. And so it's been a frustrating journey. And so I want you to relate this to yourself when there's something you're waiting to experience or to become and what that feels like.

So for the past, I would say a year and a half, you know, mentally, I think that I'm a purple belt. I don't have my belt. I haven't been promoted in front of everyone. I haven't received my belt from the coaches. And the belt itself just is, like, handed to you and signifies, like, you are this thing, right? Just like if you get a degree, you get your master's degree or your doctorate, you are this. So when I received my doctorate degree, I became Dr. D. But when I reflect on the process of becoming Dr.

D. Thank you, Jules. There is this. There is a process to becoming, and I had to mentally be something, even though I didn't know exactly what that looked like before I actually became that thing or I received recognition of being that thing. And so I want you to think about how that shows up in your own life. So with Jiu jitsu, I've been training for eight years now, and I've noticed over the past year and a half, myself and my. My jiu jitsu partner, we started the same time, we coached together, and we've had very similar journeys.

And so we notice this internal struggle where we feel like we're purple belts already. You know, we're doing things that we see purple belts doing. We are being creative in our martial art. We are showing up to class. We're committed to the process. We're committed to doing what it takes to be the purple belt. But at the same time, we haven't received that recognition from our coaches to solidify, like, yes, you are that thing. And so it's been a process of becoming. And so we're not in the stage of being just yet.

But I had to tell myself, I want to be that thing before it actually happens. So there's been a shift in myself, in my mind in the past. I would say maybe since last summer. So almost coming up on a year where I just decided I am a purple belt, I don't have to have someone tell me that that's what I am. I am deciding that that's who I am. That's how I'm showing up. And when I made that mental shift, I started showing up to training differently. I started, you know, emulating other higher ranked belts.

I started to coach. And so what happened was when I decided this is who I am and I don't need someone to tell me that this is what I am, then my presence changed and I did receive recognition in a different way. It wasn't the belt that was given to me just yet, but the recognition came from, you know, getting different compliments on different skills or even starting the women's jujitsu program. You know, that was something that myself and my partner did that we didn't. We weren't even told to do it.

We were just like, we're gonna do this. They. They said okay to it. And in that process of even starting that program, we have become something that we said that we want to do. We're becoming purple belts, and we are that. And so I want you to think for yourself. Is there, is there a title or is there just a. A part in your journey that you're trying to accomplish where you need to be something, but you don't know what that looks like? And so think about the process of becoming. What does that feel like?

I think the process of becoming can be a little confusing when you think you're there for whatever that thing is, but you haven't received the recognition from others just yet. And so I want to challenge you to consider, do you need that recognition? Do you need someone to tell you, yes, you are that thing. Do you need someone to say that basically to confirm or affirm you in your being? Jen. I'm assuming your name is Jen. Blurred lines between be and being. Yes, it is confusing, but it feels. Feels different.

And so it may be if you think about what does it feel like to be meaning. So again, the definition to be is to exist or to have a Presence. And that's the part when I was talking about showing up as that thing versus to become is the. The transformation. That's the process that happens. I'm becoming this thing. But sometimes we have to just say we are that thing in the process of becoming. And I don't know if you guys. Most people know the quote, you know, to be or not to be, that is the question.

And so that's your question today. What do you need to be or not be in order for that process of becoming to be more fulfilling for you? Okay. Hope that makes sense. It can be kind of confusing, right? But I think once you. You sit with it for a little bit and just look at your own process of becoming, I want to give you this little piece of advice that I think helped me in my process of becoming doctor. Okay? So when I think way back when I was. I had my master's degree, but I was in my career, and I didn't.

I wasn't ready to start my PhD journey, but I knew someday I would, right? But what I had to do was write down, who is she? So if I thought about myself in the future of being a doctor and myself of being a businesswoman and owning businesses and doing all these things, I literally wrote down what I saw that person doing, what she was wearing, where she lived, what kind of office she had. And this was a person that I didn't know yet because I was still becoming her. But I had to envision. I still had to be inside.

So I had to think about what. What does that person look like? What do they do? Where are they? Who do they surround themselves with? And that's part of the process of becoming. So give that a try. Let me know how that works for you. Thank you all for joining me today. And sorry I'm a little bit late and getting a little flustered earlier today, but I'm about to enjoy this coffee that I just made with my new Nespresso machine. But y'all have a wonderful day. Talk to you later. Bye.