What’s Holding You Back? Discover the Secrets to Personal Growth 🌱

Happy Wednesday, Cadre world. This is Dr. Jessica Green, and welcome to this safe place where we're focusing on the importance of being your true self, but then also discovering what's holding us back. So I am going to wait for some others to come in before we start talking about those toxic work environments. Good morning and glad to see you here. Hopefully everybody's having a wonderful Wednesday. And where I am, it is cold and there is supposed to be a wintry mix coming in. So we're trying to keep our eye on the weather, making sure we're taking care of us and doing those things that we need to do for us so we can be our true, authentic self and be that person that we're supposed to be focusing on what will happen and not what may happen.

So today we are definitely going to talk about those toxic work environments, how they affect our ability to be courageous. But then what can we do to make sure we're taking care of us and holding ourselves accountable? So when we think about those toxic work environments, if we think about it, we all have some of those scenarios. It may be a boss who tries to macromanage everything that we do, our next move, that coworker who tends to gaslight us. When we're questioning our reality, you know, we're questioning, am I doing what I'm supposed to do?

And then in our brains, we start thinking, am I being my authentic self? And if we're questioning who we are, then that's something that we have to take a closer look into ourselves and ask ourselves, are they respecting our boundaries? So if any of this sounds familiar, we're definitely going to talk about this. So what creates and what does a toxic work environment look like? You know, it's not just a bad day or a stressful project. Good morning, Jules. It is a pattern. So if you feel consistently drained, we feeling anxious, or like we're walking on eggshells at work, then that's a red flag.

Here are some common signs that I want you to think about in the workplace. You know, if you're out and about, is this a toxic environment? So at work, if someone tends to micromanage you, you know, your boss won't let you breathe without checking in, what are you doing, what project are you working on? Then that's essence of micromanagement. Even with gaslighting. Yes. Your office, you're gaslighting. You know, someone is making you doubt your own experiences. Like, someone may say, oh, I never said that.

When, you know, they actually did. And even again, the lack of Boundaries, you're expected to be available 247 and somehow whenever you do say no, they make you feel like the bad person. You know, you have a family, you have things to take care of at home. And we're setting that boundary because we can't be available 247 to our office. We have to pour into our cup. And when we leave the office, we would talk about self care. That's that moment for us. And if this sounds like your workplace, realize that you are not alone.

So we're going to talk about some solutions and some things that we can do. For some of us, we may say, oh, I'm going to quit my job. But if we quit, they still get the best of us. And for some of us, we don't have that luxury because we have a family, we have, you know, we're being authentic. We have bills that have to be paid. So first thing I want you to think about is setting boundaries. So for example, if your boss emails you at 10pm that doesn't mean you have to respond in that moment. Set clear work hours and stick to them.

Now there may be some moments where they make you feel and you're going to have that inappropriate guilt. You know, we feel like, oh my gosh, I shouldn't do that, I need to respond. But remember, you have to take care of you and set those boundaries. Number two, document everything. If a co worker or manager may seem manipulative, make sure you keep those receipts. And when I say keep those receipts, I'm talking about those emails, those messages, those meeting notes so you have a paper trail so you can protect yourself if it tends to escalate.

And number three, find your allies. In one of my other episodes, we talk about those personal board of directors. They're those go to people that we can go to and talk about what's going on. But if we talk to them, we have to make sure they are worthy to hear our story. And when I say they're worthy to hear our story, what we share with them, it stays between us and doesn't go anywhere. So when you think about your personal board of directors, make sure it's someone that you can talk to. And when you share your story, they're listening and telling you what you, you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

And the importance with finding your allies is that we are supporting ourselves and each other. So if your mental health is suffering and nothing changes despite your best efforts to make those changes, it may be time for, for us to go. No job is worth Your well being, and in particular, your mental well being. So if you're leaving or surviving a toxic workplace, it can also be traumatizing. You know, sometimes there's that inability to sleep that we become irritable and people become innocent bystanders.

For example, I'm heading into the office, and I drop my notebook. So we'll say Jules is coming down the hallway. She's like, oh, my gosh, let me grab that for you. I tell Jules, no, I got this. I'm okay. Okay. In that moment, Jules just wanted to help me, but she became that innocent bystander because I was so frustrated, I was so annoyed, and she came to help me, and I disregarded that help. It became a negative interaction as opposed to positive with Jewel was trying to do, you know, Drill was trying to help me in.

In that situation. So in those moments, we have to realize that we cannot allow others to take over our mood. And sometimes in a workplace, that's what happens. They want to get the worst of us. So sometimes we come out of character and they say, see, I told you. That's how she acts, how she behaves. But we don't want to have that traumatic event. We do not want to allow that moment to determine our values and our character. So you have to make sure you give yourself some grace and realize that maybe you're not the problem.

And if you feel as if it's getting the best of you, seek help. You know, reach out to a therapist, reach out to a mentor, reach out to a sponsor so they can help you regain your focus. And you may have to reset some of those priorities in life, redefine what you want in a healthy work environment. You being able to write that narrative, you telling your boss and your co workers in a healthy way. Hey, my phone is on. Do not disturb after 8:00 because my family is important to me, and I need to make sure that they are getting the best of me and that I am there for them.

So if you feel like you're stuck, know that you deserve better. Give yourself some grace, Realize you're not alone. And then lastly, it's okay to ask for what you want. It's okay to give your permission, give yourself permission to ask for more and to definitely want more. So if this resonates with you, I want you to share it with a friend who might need to hear it. And if you got a workplace horror story or even a success story about setting boundaries where you had to be courageous and set those boundaries, I would love to hear it.

So until next time, take care of yourself first and your job will be there and you have to remember that you are irreplaceable. Thank you for listening and I will see you next Wednesday where we focus more on that personal growth, your ability to be your true authentic self and focusing on what can I do. So I get the best of me, but others get the best of me as well. Continue to be courageous, continue to have compassion, continue to build connections and be true to yourself.