What’s Holding You Back? Discover the Secrets to Personal Growth 🌱

All right, Cadre world, you let me know if you can hear me pretty good today because I do not know if you can see me or not. All right. And it looks like we are in and we are live. Good morning, Michelle. I see you are here with us today. And I'm going to try to multitask this so I can keep track of who's in the room with us today. So today we are going to call it Wealthy Wednesday because we are going to focus and have that discussion about something that's extremely important to us, which is boundaries.

Good morning, Luke. I see you have joined us as well. For some of you who may be here for the first time, I am Dr. Jessica Green and I am a licensed therapist, a clinical supervisor, and a CE provider here in the great state of South Carolina. Before we even start having this conversation, I want you to rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10, how your week has been going. So we'll give it a 1. If it has been Hot mess Express, where this week has been just a lot going on, or we may give it an 8, 9, or 10 where it has been a pretty good week.

And we're at that halfway point. So for me, this weekend was phenomenal because I had the opportunity to participate in a mile run at my college alma mater. My twin sister and I, along my nephew, we ran the mile. And funny short story, before we get started, we were running, my sister and I were running, and my nephew mentioned, oh, my gosh, when are you all going to start running? But guess what, everybody? We were actually running. And he's like, when are y'all going to start running? So my sister said, we are actually running.

So he started laughing and he had a great time. But it was a moment for us to have that connection with him. And guess what? I was able to get some hardware. So, yes, this is my hardware from the 1 mile run, which was phenomenal and it was wonderful. So I want to say thank you so much for the opportunity on Sunday, and we definitely had a good time. So, Michelle, I see you rating yourself a 7 for the week, which is wonderful. That means this week is going to get even better for you. So we're going to wheel it back and talk about personal growth and boundaries.

So for the past few weeks, we have had that discussion regarding personal growth. So for some of those who may be new to the live streams, I'm just going to go back and just give a quick definition of when we talk about personal growth. So if we focus on personal growth, it is the ongoing process of becoming the better version of yourself, but the better version of yourself in different dimensions. It could be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes even professionally. And it's also about the importance of self awareness, challenging your limits, healing from past experiences, and building healthy habits, including those mindsets that help support the life that you want to live.

So personal growth is not about being perfect. It's about progress. Again, I want to tell you it is not about being perfect. Because sometimes we have that sense of perfection where we need to hunker down and remember that it is progress. And it's the journey of you choosing growth over comfort. It's the journey of you choosing truth over avoidance. And also that alignment over that approval of others. So now let's talk about boundaries. So if we are being honest here, transparency. There was a time that I thought setting boundaries meant I was being mean or.

Or pushing people away. And we've all done that, right? But what I've learned from that experience is that through my own relationships and a lot of personal growth, I had to come to that understanding that healthy boundaries does not hurt relationships. They actually protect those relationships. So if you've ever felt drained, felt overwhelmed or resentful in your relationships, this live video today is definitely for you. So let's talk about how to set boundaries in a way that protects your peace, but also supports your mental health.

So why are my boundaries important? And then why do boundaries matter? So here's the truth that I want you to realize today. You teach people how to treat you. And if you're constantly saying yes when you mean no, we are overextending ourselves. Or we may keep quiet to avoid that conflict. But it's also going to take a toll on your emotional energy and your ability to be your true, authentic self. When we think about poor boundaries. Nettie, good morning. Thank you for joining. When we think about poor boundaries, they lead to burnout, they lead to anxiety, and lead to even that sense of resentment.

And guess what, folks, that shows up in your body. You may have headaches, you may have stomach issues, or even issues falling asleep, staying asleep, or even getting up early in the morning. So boundaries aren't just a relationship thing. They're definitely essential to your mental health and your mental wellness. So setting boundaries doesn't mean we are being selfish or even selfless. It means you love yourself enough to say, this is what I need in order to stay well and be able to perform in the workplace, at home, and in your community.

When we talk about community engagement. So we are going to do a quick exercise together so you can write this down. Or if you're driving in the car or do not have the opportunity to write it down, I just want you to think through this. So the first step is going to be identifying a relationship that feels draining to you. So this could be a friend, this could be your partner, and it can even be a family member or even a co worker. So for step two, I want you to think about what's happening that does not feel okay.

You know, are they calling you at all hours of the night? Do you feel like sometimes they dump emotional stuff on you without even asking? And sometimes they may be that phone call when you pick up and you say, hey, how's it going? They say, oh my gosh, guess what happened to me today? And in that moment, they never asked how you were doing. You know, they're constantly crossing a line that, you know, we might not have been clear about, meaning we need to set that boundary. And then step three, I want you to define the boundary that you need, not what that other person needs.

And this is what that boundary could be. You can say, hey, I need time for myself after work. It could be late at night or it can even be, I'm happy to support you, but I can't be your only source of support. And as we talked about with previous live videos, making sure you have your personal board of directors your go to people, but they also know that they sit on that personal board of directors. And also just naming what you need is the first and the most powerful step. So that means that accountability.

I'm going to hold myself accountable, identifying what I need so I could be my best self. How do we communicate boundaries but communicate them with care? We're not using rigid boundaries where we're not letting anyone in. We're not using that passive communication, but more so that assertive communication when we think about setting boundaries. Setting boundaries does not have to be harsh. It just needs to be two things. It needs to be clear and it needs to be kind. So here's a simple formula that I want you to try.

And again, if we have the opportunity, I want you to write this down. And it's one sentence, one sentence that's going to have three parts. So it starts I feel. And we will say that emotion when the next thing will be that behavior. So I need the next part of that will be that boundary. So I feel that emotion when that action, that behavior. So I need that boundary or even that recommendation. So I'm going to give you all an example so you can understand that concept. So we can use it on a daily basis or whenever we feel the need, we need to utilize it.

So here's an example. I feel overwhelmed when I get late night texts, so I need to set my phone aside after 9pm so with this sentence, what can we say that emotion is? That emotion is going to be that sense of feeling overwhelmed when that behavior, that action. I get late night texts, so I need that boundary and that recommendation to set my phone aside after 9pm that one simple sentence that contains those three parts can create a healthy boundary for you so that individual cannot say, oh my gosh, I didn't know you can say yes, you do know because I told you when I feel this emotion, this happens, that you know that behavior.

So I need this boundary. I feel overwhelmed when I get late night text, so I need to set aside my phone at 9pm So I can focus on me and pour into my cup. And we have to realize that it is okay to set those boundaries. There is no sense of inappropriate guilt, anything because you are setting that boundary so you can continue to pour into your cup. So this is something that I want you to understand. It's not about blaming the other person. It's about protecting your peace and making space for healthy connections.

And if someone truly cares about you, they'll want the same for you and they will respect that boundary. So here's something that I want you to remember a few things. Boundaries are a form of self respect. Saying no to to others often means yes to yourself. So we're saying no. But we could also recommend someone else. Hey, I can't do it. Why don't you ask Sarah? Why don't you ask Bob? They may be able to help you. And you don't owe anyone access to your energy, your time or your emotional space just because they ask for it.

And that's going to be using that passive communication. But I want you to use that assertive where we're setting those boundaries. And then most importantly, you're allowed to change the way you show up in relationships, even if you didn't always have boundaries before. And three things. Growth is allowed, your peace is allowed. And then you are allowed to be your authentic self and be able to focus on you setting those healthy boundaries. So here's my challenge for you this week. So this week I want you to choose one boundary to practice.

And it's okay that we start small, but I want you to practice saying it out loud. And then I also want you to write it down if we need to, because you deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationships and it starts with how you show up for yourself. So if this episode spoke to you, I want you to send it to someone who needs to hear it too. And as always, take care of your mind and protect your peace. And as always, remember, follow me on the Cadre app at healing with Dr. Green because they recorded videos under family and parenting and work.

And as always, continue to be courageous, continue to have compassion, continue to build connections, and continue to be true to yourself. Because you know what? You are worth it.