If My Plate Could Talk: “Letting Go Of Bracing For The Worst”

Hello, cardiosphere. I'm so glad that you are here. Take a deep breath. Maybe take a few deep breaths. How's your week been? And always know that when I ask that question, I really want to know, how's your week been? We're here at the end of the week if you're listening to this live. So do me a favor and rate your week. Think about where you started the week. Think about how the week has continued and where you find yourself right now. So deep breath. Where are you in the world? And rate your week.

If I had to rate my week, on a scale of 1 to 10, those of you that were with me on Wednesday, I said a 10, which I very rarely say, and I'm happy to report. I feel like that is maintained. Doesn't mean that it's been a perfect week, but it means that given the context of everything, I'm really proud of how I've shown up this week. And I hope that you can say the same thing for yourself. Good to see some familiar faces and if there are any new faces here. Good evening. I'm Dr. Charisse Johnson, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner, and author.

And I'm so glad that you came to if youf Plate Could Talk. Oh, I hope. Step Jam was amazing. For those of you that aren't familiar, it's a movement centered around health and fitness that was in Columbia, South Carolina, on Saturday, and it looked like it was great. The weather was great, and that is wonderful. And I hope more of you. It's good to hear. Yes. That you're proud of how you showed up this week again. That doesn't mean that the week is perfect, but it means that you got through the week and you are like, you know what?

I did that and I know that I can do it again. Today I want to focus on two things. Of course, I want you to take a moment and let's do it at the beginning of our time and really consider what are you noticing? What's on your plate? We look at what's on your plate in two areas. Right. We look metaphorically. What are you carrying? What are your responsibilities? What are you carrying that is not yours to carry? That needs to come off of your plate? And then what are you eating or how are you nourishing yourself and what's the connection?

Because often the way that we are eating gives us a little indication of how we're managing everything on our plate. I said a few weeks ago that my weeks were a little different, a little bit More stressful. I was a little bit all over the place. I didn't feel centered, and that showed up in the way I was eating this week. I feel more anchored and like I'm well within my general way of eating. It's not about perfection, but I feel that. Tell me this. What are you noticing about how you're handling your responsibilities?

Pop that in the chat if you're comfortable. How are you handling the things that are weighing on your mind, the things that are on your plate, and the responsibilities that you are holding and carrying right now? I'll take a minute and pause and give everyone a chance to jump in. Oh, Holy Week is this week will be filled by salads. I have several memories, Audrey, of us having conversations and you navigating salads or things that you could bring for festivities so that you could maintain what you wanted to for yourself.

You're going to be making some changes at work. Enough is enough. Way to go, way to go. Sometimes you have to make the changes and know that there's no one else that's going to make those changes for you. Even when it comes to work, we sometimes have to go. Our frame of reference around work is too much. I myself can get in seasons where I have to really go. I know your heart, Therese. I know that you love producing and creating, but sometimes you just need to maintain. Right. That's a word for somebody.

Sometimes you are actually doing enough and you just need to balance it and know when to cut it off. I was having a conversation with someone a few weeks ago about having a forced stop. I'm actually going to do a live on that because it really inspired me. And it's easy to not have a forced stop, but have a really loose stop. But I won't get into that because that's not what we're going to talk about. But if you didn't handle things as well as you wanted to, guess what? Last week is over. Today marks a new start.

Every moment you get a fresh start. I want to talk today. If you want a title, it's Trusting the Good, Letting Go of Bracing for the Worst. And I want you to think about, are there particular areas in your life where you brace for the worst? Sometimes it's not. In every area, we have certain areas of our life that we do extremely well. And then we have other areas of our life where we're bracing for the worst. So as some of you are talking about what last week was like, are you looking forward to this week or are you thinking that this week may be the worst because it's gonna be different or there's gonna be more of a demand on your time.

And yes, hooray for fresh starts and fueling your body and doing all the things that you need to Beautiful opening quote by Mary Oliver Joy is not made to be a crumb. One of the ways that you'll know that your plate is too heavy is if you're struggling to experience true joy. If you're in the middle of something and you know, like, I should be excited about this and, oh, that's wonderful and that's great, but like, you're like, I didn't really feel it. I really couldn't embrace it. Then somewhere along the way, your plate, your goals, your achievements, your worries, your concerns are out of balance.

So I want you to really think about how to feast on joy this week and not brace for the things that you believe might overwhelm you. I love these shares, continue to put them in there as I talk. Here's what happens in the brain when we're kind of used to Sunday scaries or bracing for the worse or I'm going to have a lot to do this weekend. I can be that way. That was me last week, and that's what made the week being a 10 grade. I went into last week because I had a lot of things that I needed to accomplish in different areas.

And sometimes the way my brain is wired, too many things that need my attention in too many different areas can create anxiety for me. I'm grateful for wonderful support people that I could reach out to, people that said, okay, okay, you need me, I'm going to come and make sure you feel better and support you. Take one thing at a time. But I recognized that I was kind of bracing instead of just trusting myself to be in the moment. So the brain, you know, I'm always going to talk about it. It is wired to keep us safe, right?

It's wired for helping us figure out is everything okay. It likes familiarity. Last week wasn't familiar. There was a lot of different moving parts. It is looking for where it can make sure that you're okay. So if we're anticipating something, it makes it challenging. Have you ever heard, tell me if you have, of the concept of anticipatory anxiety. So anticipatory anxiety is similar for bracing for the worst, but it's kind of on a continuum. It's essentially you knowing something is coming and it's not the anxiety that's like excitement, like, oh my gosh, I'm about to run A race.

It's not that. But anticipatory anxiety is that internal anxiety that says, am I going to get through this? Am I going to make it? Can I actually handle everything that's coming my way, and will I get through it without falling apart? The answer is yes, you will. Most of the things that we anticipate that we're anxious about don't turn out the way that we think. You tell me. Yes, ma' am. Anticipatory anxiety. You're like, I know it well. I was just about to say, what does that look like in your life?

Are you familiar? Are you like, yes, that is my friend. Yep. Creating space for connections through our life stories. That is super helpful. Very, very helpful to even ease anxiety. So when you notice that you're in a situation where there's a lot coming, there's different experiences, you're excited about them, but also anxious because they're throwing you off of your routine in your rhythm. I want you to always think about trusting in the good, trusting in the good that you know how to incorporate in your life.

Trusting that you can anchor yourself. You have a general routine. Right. That kind of puts you through the week and navigate your life some. Sometimes there are going to be weeks that look different because people are coming into your life. You have different level of responsibilities. Create a new vision for each week based on the context of your life. Keep certain anchors. You want to keep your sleep, you want to keep your nutrition, you want to keep your fitness. Right. You want to keep those core anchors.

But you might need to shift what time you work out or how long you work out or how hard you work out if you know that you're going to have a long night. I will say this as well. This often gets overlooked when it comes to kind of bracing. Most of the time, when we're bracing for the worst or we have anticipatory anxiety, other people are involved. There's something about us spending more time with more people or having more responsibilities for care. I know some of you are caretakers. That might be a dynamic.

And so trusting yourself in the moment and choosing to trust in good things, and it's not naive. It doesn't mean that you don't care. Because some of us were taught that being anxious prepares us. Right. I had a client like that several, several years ago that she realized how much anxiety she had was a learned behavior because she was like, well, I watched my mother be super anxious whenever we had to host people or whenever we had to do something. So she kind of thought in her head that that's what means you care, is that you run around and you're acting panic and, and you're being anxious.

It isn't. So I even want you to think about as you go through the week, what does it look like to choose to believe that the best is coming, to choose to believe that you can navigate whatever hard situation or complex situation or anything that you're facing this week and that that isn't naive. It's actually an extremely brave thing to do and goes against the natural pull of your brain and your natural protective instincts. But you can say things like this, even if I don't know what's coming, I won't rob myself of this moment.

So really learning to take every single moment at a time, you can also reflect on the habit of emotional guarding actually keeps us in survival mode, never allowing for full pleasure. And true peace is not found in avoiding pain, but in letting yourself experience joy without apology. Brave question I want to ask you. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt bad for feeling good? Simply yes or no. You ever been in a situation or a season where you felt bad for feeling good? Almost like, is this okay?

Well, all of this is going on and still on my plate, so it's not okay. Or is it really okay for me to be optimistic? Is it really okay for me to have this good moment? I want to see what you say before I continue working on getting a little uncomfortable. Yeah. To get to my goals. I've talked about that recently. Sometimes getting a little uncomfortable is a part of what we need to push through. So. Yeah. Have you ever had a moment where you've struggled and felt like, ah, felt guilty? Yeah. For being happy in certain situations?

Sometimes if we're around other people that are never happy, honestly, it can make us go, well, I don't want to be too happy because this person is not in a good place. And there's, you know, there's a balance to that. But then there are also moments where we're just so used to things being tough that we forget how important it is to really allow ourselves to trust in the good and to trust that the good is going to stay. Here are three tangible tips that I want to give you if you ever find yourself, whether it's this week or in the weeks ahead, bracing for what's coming.

Number one, name the narrative. Ask yourself, what story am I telling myself about this moment? That's a whole word, right? In of itself. A lot of times what we feel is more about what we're saying to ourselves, than what's actually happening. So when you catch the this won't last thought, replace it with things like, it's safe to enjoy this. I don't need to shrink to feel safe, because sometimes we think we need to withdraw. One thing that I really have to work on, and I would say consistently, I'm so much better than I used to be, is there's this natural part of me because of trauma that feels like I need to withdraw to conserve energy in order to feel safe.

And that's hard because sometimes I withdraw too much or isolate way too hard in order to find a level of safety. And it's a constant work. And I've had to ask myself, and I'm still working on that, what's the story that you're telling yourself? And when I change the story, then what I'm anticipating is so much easier. Second tangible tip is practice what I call a joy rehearsal. So visualize good things happening and sit with the emotions that they bring. Just as we rehearse our fears. And we're way too good at that.

We can't can rehearse joy. Don't you love that? A joy rehearsal. I want you to think of something. This is your outside application, one of your outside application pieces. I want you to think of something that's coming this week. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be you're reconnecting with a friend, a work meeting, whatever. And I want you to have a joint rehearsal in your head. I want you to visualize it going well, it being something that you thoroughly enjoy. And just notice how that changes things and how that sits with you.

That visualization actually rewires the brain to associate good experiences with safety. And if you struggle, here's a starting point. Go back to the last experience of joy that you're willing to access. Start there and then bridge it to something this week. If you feel like it's a struggle for you, keep practicing. And number three, mindfulness. Anchor yourself in the present. So use grounding tools like breathwork or self touch, putting your hand on your heart, saying things like, I am here, this moment is real, and I'm allowed to feel good.

I actually want you to do that with me just for a second. Eyes can be open or closed. I want you to take your hand, place it right in front of you. I'm going to close my eyes for a moment, and I want you to say to yourself, I'm allowed to feel good. I'm allowed to feel joy. Feeling Good is safe. And then when you're ready, if your eyes were closed, open, I'm curious if you did it, was it hard? Could you do it? Were you like, oh, I'm watching you, but I'm not ready to do that. If you weren't, I encourage you to practice it.

Maybe that's something that you do when you wake up each morning. I'm allowed to feel good, to have joy. I can be safe in joy, and I don't have to spend my time bracing. Sometimes we can say that to ourselves and there's this push and pull that we feel between the brain going, but are you sure? Because we might need to stay ready for what's going to happen. Trust yourself. You anchor yourself in the present. You will absolutely be able to handle whatever comes your way. Oh, parenting moments. And finding joy in stretching slime with kiddos.

That's awesome. That's wonderful. So let's end with this. What's one good thing in your life right now that you've had a hard time trusting or feeling fully right? What's one thing in your life right now you've had a hard time trusting or fully enjoying? And I'm even going to see what I can think of. I would say for me, it's really just the dynamic of spending time with people that I enjoy that's not centered around work and really giving myself permission to be present in those moments and know that, like, it really is okay that you aren't doing anything right now.

And it's like, I know that logically, but sometimes there is a part of me that thinks, oh, I could be doing something else. Maybe I should be doing something else, or because I took this time out to do nothing, am I going to pay for it later? And I don't. But it's just that dynamic of being too on. But what's something in your life that you know you're having a hard time trusting or fully enjoying? You can put in the chat if you're comfortable, or you can just write it down if it's something personal.

Closing thought. You are allowed to feel good. You are allowed to have peace. Let Joy land without suspicion. Don't be like, why do I feel that? And when doubt creeps in, remind yourself joy is not a trick. It is a truth. Keep choosing it. Keep practicing it. You're worth it. Those of you who have, you know, been with me for a while, you've heard me talk, or maybe you remember me talk about having a hint of happiness. So when we allow Joy to come in and really be there and not push it away or not feel spirit.

That is like taking that hint of happiness and really just kind of turning it into a gallon of joy. And that helps us in so many ways. So as you go through the rest of the week, I want you to reflect on this. What would it look like to walk through today as if good things are allowed to happen to you without explanation. Okay, lots in here today. I hope you will go back replay listen to those tangible tips. Really do some reflection on yourself. Please take time before you go into your week to look at your plate.

What's on your plate, what needs to come off of your plate? You don't want to overload it, especially if you have more that you need to give or you need to do this week, then something else has to go and pause and then nourish yourself. Right? We want you to nourish your body, not fill your belly. There's a big difference. Most of you know the difference and I hope that you'll find that balance. As always, I'm so glad that you chose to come and hang out with me for a little while. I hope the rest of your weekend is phenomenal and I will see you all on Wednesday.

Have a good one.