Rules of Engagement

Hey, team. Good morning, Cadre. I think I'm starting a little bit early. Sorry, everybody, but here we are. It's Betsy, live from Silver Spring, Maryland. And I see K F R O R I P K fro RIP I'm probably reading that wrong. Anyway. Good morning. I'm glad you're here. That's the upshot of that. Good morning from Silver Spring, Maryland. I moved a week and two days ago. It is a little bit of a. Less of a box palace here, but it is still a box palace here. Maybe we're halfway, but we did take a trip to New Jersey this past weekend.

It was nice to get away and be in a hotel, not surrounded by boxes. We just went 24 hours. Well, 36 hours. We drove up to New Jersey from here to Monmouth University campus where the American Music honors is held. This was the third year. It's sponsored by the Bruce Springsteen archives and center for American Music, and they honor four or five people every year. This year, it was Jo Ely, Emmylou Harris, Tom Morello, John Fogarty, and Smokey Robinson in this really small room. Speak wonder. Good morning.

And Tremaine D. Pickering. Good morning, everybody. Good morning. And you are in Maryland. I don't know where Reestertown is. Reesterstown is, but. But I bet I will eventually because we're going to live here for a while is my guess. So we were in New Jersey. It was great. The show was amazing. If you're not familiar with the Springsteen archives and center for American music, it's worth knowing about. It's going to be bigger and bigger as the years go on. And a big part of the business line, 70%, is just having a center for American music.

So if that's your jam, go check them out. You can look up the website. So what am I here to talk about this morning? Rules of engagement. Rule of engagement number 10, which is celebrate the victory in hand. That is one of my biggest lessons for myself in life. Celebrate the victory in hand. I used to say this all the time at city Hall. I think we've talked about it here before. It's worth talking about again. And it's worth talking about in the context of taking on a big project or a move like I have done, because there's so much that is not done here.

Right. I'm waiting to get some components for our cabinets so that I can finish unpacking the kitchen, for example. And it just. Everywhere I look, even in this room, this is my office and sitting room. I'm just looking around and I can See a hundred decisions that need to be made and 100 projects that aren't done yet. And that can be overwhelming. And that's when Celebrate the victory in Hand comes into play. What would be a victory that's in hand this morning? Yesterday I set up a lot of my bathroom and so when I just took a shower after my workout, I knew where the things I needed were and I could use them.

Celebrate the victory in hand. Right? And if you are, I don't know, writing a book and you write a sentence and that's all you can manage for the day. Celebrate the victory in hand. If you are, have a long term goal of running a 5k and today you did a 10 minute walk run. Celebrate the victory in hand. I, I need this a lot. I can be a bit of a perfectionist. I'm very, very, very goal oriented. And so I love to reach a big goal. But the way, you know, John Acuff talks about this, if you only have two rungs on your ladder and one is the first rung and the other is the last rung, it is very hard to get from the.

You have to jump really hard and if you're lucky, grab the highest rung on your ladder and then do a pull up to get ladder. That's like the hardest possible way to climb a ladder. And for many of us it's impossible. And so the idea is you put more rungs on your ladder and then you celebrate every time you get to a different rung, right? Put some steps in place and then celebrate. BJ Fogg, who wrote the book Tiny Habits, talks about that a lot. Celebrate. You know, my celebration is to pump my arms a little bit, which is hard to do when I'm also holding a phone, but celebrate the victory in hand.

Now number 23 comes from Dave Novak. And I know I've talked about this here before because you might remember Dave Novak has done a lot of things in his life. He was, he was the head of Yum Foods and Kentucky Fried Chicken and Taco Bell, et cetera, et cetera. But I like to think of Dave Novak as the guy who invented Cool Ranch Doritos. Because I don't care what else I would have as the first line of my obituary. I would want invented Cool Ranch Doritos to be the first line of my obituary. If you're gonna do professional accomplishments as opposed to personal accomplishments.

So Dave Novak, one of his big rules, and he did this in business, but I think it applies so much in life. Solve the biggest problem that happens Most frequently solve the biggest problem that happens most frequently. I applied that because I said what is the biggest problem that's happening most frequently right now? And it was that even to use the bathroom I had to step over a pile of junk in my bathroom. So that was the biggest problem and it was happening the most frequently. So I handled it and we Talked before.

Rule 22, try and make decisions before you're in the middle of something. So I really did try and I just, I spend some time as I'm unpacking, just looking, thinking, making some changes, living with it, moving on to something else and then coming back. I'm iterating like that, but you know, it. I try to visualize it before I do it. So when I, when I, I had, it's been sitting with the bathroom for a couple days and all of a sudden it was like, okay, I've got to move everything basically into the bathtub.

I've got to move everything into the bathtub so that I can create this space and this space and then everything else will fall into place. If I do that, I'll have access to the drawers underneath and the shelves underneath, etc. Etc. Etc. So that's three rules of engagement so far. You know, make decisions before I'm in the middle of something. There's more eloquent wording for that, but that's basically what it is. You know, the decisions that my best self makes, we've talked about that also solve the biggest problem that happens most frequently.

I solved the bathroom. The bathroom's not done, but I solved the biggest problem that happens most frequently. The next two biggest problems happening most frequently in my move are one, we need a better situation for the cat box. It's fine, but we need a better situation for the cat box which involves me building out this thing that I purchased to have a special place. And two, the kitchen. And I got these rollout drawers for these larger cabinets. They were delivered to the Amazon fancy. Not Amazon, but the fancy package delivery box system they have downstairs here in this building.

And I went to get it and the door wouldn't open when I put in my little code. So now I have to go talk to someone else and they have to come do something, etc, etc, and I just haven't been able to do it. Those are the two biggest problems happening most frequently. And I am going to solve those two problems today. I'm just committing that to here. But each time I do that, celebrate the victory in hand. So I'm going to celebrate with you right Here right now. Yes, My bathroom was pretty usable today.

Yes, that is good. And I know when I apply that to the biggest problem happening most frequently, everything's a problem until I've solved it. But you know, I know that there's a trunk sitting out in the living room that needs to move to the bedroom, but we can't move it to the bedroom until I unpack these boxes. And I can't unpack those boxes until I really deal with my closet. And I can't really deal with my closet. It's just not the top priority. So it'll. It'll move up the list though, because we should.

If we move that trunk, a lot of other good things will happen. You are seeing in real time solving the big problem that have biggest problem that happens most frequently. Yes. Rule 23 enables us to move on and solve the lesser problems. Yes. Because if I solve the bigger problem, then I can move on and solve the smaller problems. Right. If I know you got to use something because this situation is overwhelming and I don't respond well to overwhelm, I get overwhelmed. This is good. This might be surprising to people.

I get overwhelmed very easily and I no longer allow myself to just operate on top of feeling overwhelmed. And so these days I am having to use all my other strategies of being present, slowing down, allowing things to be a little more chaotic than I would like, etc, etc. Right. And celebrating the victory in hand along the way makes it easier and more fun and it makes me more likely to keep going again. Tiny Habits. I love this book by BJ Fogg. Tiny Habits, a very dense book, but he in a great way, if you're a goal person or a habit person, I highly suggest it, but in a really great way.

He talks about celebrating the smallest possible thing because the celebration, you know, one of his mottos is people are more likely to change if they feel good than if they feel bad. We're more motivated by feeling good than we are motivated by feeling bad, right? Yes, exactly. And so that's why he is so big on celebration, is to like make it part of the habit to celebrate so that we make it part so that it feels good. And we just becomes part of the deal to just keep feeling good over and over and over.

So that's. So I'm celebrating right now. I was able to use my bathroom. Lots of things were laid out really well and really thoughtfully. You know, the whole experience pretty good. I am still. There's still things I need to find homes for, but it's no Longer the top priority. I hate to tell you, some people are like, I just have to finish the whole bathroom and then I can move on to something else. That's fine, except that if I do the kitchen, that will make not just my life better, but my husband's life better in ways that me being a completist about the bathroom will not.

So I am the biggest problems that happen most frequently. My husband will very much appreciate it when I deal with the cat box situation. Those are mine he's been dealing with. You know, we have a division of labor that sort of fell out pretty naturally in this project of moving. And, you know, he's dealing with folks coming in to fix things, and he took care of the Internet and setting up those, you know, aspects of the living room, etc. Etc. So things are falling out pretty well, which is nice.

It's nice to be in a partnership where things are falling out well without a lot of drama or angst. So. So those are the three rules of engagement I have for you this week. You know, number 10, celebrate the victory in hand. Whatever it is, the smallest possible thing, you know, is it. For some days, I celebrate getting out of bed. Maybe the same for you. I mean, we're on Cadre, right? I'm allowed to talk about mental health on Cadre, right? I mean, some days I just celebrate getting out of bed.

What did I celebrate? I went to orangetheory Fitness this morning. I celebrate that. I actually did my prayer and meditation and spirituality time, and I celebrated that. And I will tell you this. Sometimes big, overwhelming projects are some of the biggest source of lessons for me about how I function and how I operate, because I am learning a lot. I've talked a little bit here before. I have a lot of early. You know, my young life was unusual and unusually difficult. And it left me with lots of gifts that keep giving, including anxiety and the lessons I've learned from that and taking on this project.

I really, I can see that I respond to feeling overwhelmed the way, you know, that my temptation. And it takes more and more and more to get me so overwhelmed that this temptation kicks in. But the temptation is to just shut down and compartmentalize a lot. So, like, I don't want to go to Orange. I don't want to do anything but pack and unpack. I want to be the person packing and unpacking. But today I also have, you know, I didn't have to, but I wanted to work out. I have a coaching client later this afternoon, so I have to be my professional Self, even in the midst of all this chaos.

And what I really, the impulse when I'm overwhelmed is to just become a one trick pony, a one track person. And I could really see that in the impulse today that I feel like I'm being, you know, ripped into five different directions and each one is overwhelming. And that is not currently actual reality for me as a 55 year old woman. That is not my current reality. Right. There's nothing going on that I can't handle. It's all within one or two standard deviations of normality. No, moving is super stressful.

Anybody will tell you that those lists of stressful life activities put moving near the top and yes, speak wonders, upright and having a pulse that is worth celebrating. Yes, this is my celebration. Yes. And so when something like that happens and I see myself just spiraling a little bit, I ask how does this reflect something that happened in my young life that I haven't fully healed yet? Because that's, that's usually what's going on is I was hurt in a way that I haven't yet healed from. And my rules of engagement are designed to be there for me in those moments and they are today.

Celebrate the victory in hand, solve the biggest problem that happens most frequently and you know, do my best to make decisions before, you know, taking action and trust the decisions I made when I was thinking clearly. You got four rules of engagement today. So, Cadre, it was a delight to be here with you this morning. It was really great to have the invitation to think about these things and sort of get a little critical distance from what's going on in this move. I know. And in my morning time, I spend at least a minute visualizing a positive future.

Because if it's even a minute a day is over. Six hours a year and six hours of visualizing a positive future isn't bad, right? So I spend time visualizing this whole place as just how we want it. Beautiful and comfortable and functions well with good systems. So, Cadre, celebrate the victory in hand. That's what I hope you take away from this. Go celebrate something for yourself today and I'll see you next week. I hope everything good happens for you this week.