What’s Holding You Back? Discover the Secrets to Personal Growth 🌱

Good morning, Cadre World. It is Wednesday and I hope everyone's day has been great. We are going to have a wonderful discussion today as we talk about dress, rehearse, joyful moments. So as we are waiting for some others to come in, I want you to tell me. Good morning, Jules. I want you to tell me on a scale from 1 to 10, which we always do at the beginning of our sessions, in our shouldn't say sessions, more about our content that we're discussing, rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10, how your week has been going.

So I definitely want you to rate yourself. You know, if it's a seven, it is wonderful. If it's a three or four. The great thing is we still have a couple of days remaining for the week, so we can try to make it a 7, 8, 9 or 10. Jewel, she is having a great week. She rated herself as a seven. And you may see me looking to the side a little bit, but I'm trying to keep track of everyone and be mindful of their comments. Good morning, tbmc. Thank you for joining us. So. So as I mentioned earlier, we are going to wait for some others to dive in.

One thing I love about Cadre is that it creates that psychological safety for us so we can have those critical and crucial conversations when we talk about mental health, when we talk about the workplace, and when we talk about ways we can be our authentic self. So this weekend has been pretty busy for me in the beginning of this week. Today, one of my great friends, she is defending her dissertation. So I am so excited for her. I wish I could be there, but I couldn't be there because I had an event going on yesterday where we celebrated a birthday of a great friend of mine out of town.

So we are waiting for some others to join us. Good morning, Michelle. So glad you were able to join us. And as we mentioned earlier, on a scale from 1 to 10, tell me how your week has been going. 5. We've been hitting the ground running and the best is yet to come for us when we look at this week. All right, so today. Good morning, Mel. Today we're going to talk about again, dress rehearsing, tragedy. We're going to explore that real stuff behind mental health, that real stuff behind personal growth.

So with today's topic, it is one that I see a lot in therapy. And honestly, a lot of us, including myself, have felt this in our own life too. And it's what we call dress Rehearsing tragedy. 5, all wheels running. So when we talk about dress rehearsing tragedy, what does that mean? So I want you to imagine you're having a peaceful moment. You know, maybe your child is laughing, your partner just hugged you, and your love language is physical touch or things at work are finally going well for you.

And then bam, Your brain throws in a curveball and it gives you that thought of like, what if this doesn't last? Or what if I lose it all? And if this sounds familiar to you, this is what Brene Brown called dress rehearsing tragedy. It's where we take one moment and we create an entire movie out of it. You know, it's our brain's way of sneaking and trying to protect us from pain, but it's actually doing the opposite for us. We start imagining that worst case scenario again. We start catastrophizing.

We take one situation and create an entire Netflix series out of it. And we do that so we do not get blindsided if something bad does happen. So here's the truth that I want us to take a look at and dig deeper within is that this habit does not actually protect us. This habit actually steals the joy that we have right now in this moment, and it does not allow us to live in the moment. So I've had these moments as well. You know, I remember that time where I was on the couch with my nephew when he was a baby, and then everything felt so still, it felt so peaceful.

And you can just see the peacefulness in there, in the rest in him while he was sleeping. And then I caught myself thinking, you know, what if something happens to him? And if you know me, you know the love and the joy that I have for my nieces and nephews. And just like that, in that moment, I allowed that joy to vanish and I replaced it with anxiety. So within our brains, it's trying to be helpful, but what we really need is to lean into that joy and be able to stay in the present in that moment.

So here's some mental health connections that I want us to think about. When we think about dress rehearsing tragedy, it is often linked to anxiety. Again, when we think worst case scenario, past trauma and those lived experiences or even unresolved grief. So for some of us, that joy feels too vulnerable so for heartbreak ahead of time. And that does not allow us to live in that moment where we're defeating ourselves before we even get started. So here's some takeaways that I want you to grab that notebook and I want you to write these takeaways down.

And if you're in your vehicle, I want you to make sure you have the opportunity to replay this content. So the first thing I want you to do, I want you to notice when it's happening. Good morning, Maria. I want you to notice when this is happening. So the next time you catch yourself spiraling into those what if moments, I want you to pause and I want you to say out loud, I'm dress rehearsing tragedy. So I want you to say out loud, I'm dress rehearsing tragedy. Number two, I want you to practice gratitude in real time in that moment.

So instead of fearing the moment that the moment will end, I want you to try whisking. Thank you for this joy. I'm going to live in this moment. This shifts your focus to what's real and what's happening in that moment so we can be in that moment with our children, with our grandchildren, with our co workers. And the third thing, I want you to remind yourself that you can handle hard things pre living pain does not prevent it. I want you to know that you are strong enough to face this challenge as it comes to you.

Because sometimes in these moments, it's not if it happens, but it's when it happens. But I want you to be able to be proactive. So whenever it does come, you can say, I am not going to allow you to steal my joy because you deserve to have that joy. Number four, I want you to use grounding techniques. I want you to put your hand on your chest and I want you to take that deep breath and I want you to be able to be present and be in that moment. And if you have to practice those grounding techniques or even that mindfulness, you know, we talk about mindfulness using those five senses.

I want you to think about what do you see, what do you can taste, what do you touch, what do you hear, what do you smell and being able to take that deep breath. And number five, I want you to be compassionate with yourself. So these patterns often come from past experiences where we did not feel as if we had that psychological safety and we weren't safe. But I want you to know that it's okay if joy feels scary. You know, it's that sense of vulnerability when our, you know, we're getting close to this is the end of April, we have May and then we have June.

And for some of our parents who have students who are high school seniors or college seniors, they're going to be graduating college and high school. And in that moment, as a parent assessing your vulnerability, we are fearful. But we have to go all in because this is a moment that we were waiting for and we have to be courageous and take those steps. But for those parents, it's definitely going to test your vulnerability. And being that it does test your vulnerability, it does not mean that you are broken and that you should be scared.

And before we wrap this up, I want you to think about and reflect on the week this past week and then think about the week ahead. You know what is one joyful moment where you can let yourself be in that moment fully and feel those emotions without fear. And even if we think about this past week, hey, this was this moment where I was allowed to be in that moment. Or I am so excited for next week because, for example, I'm excited for this weekend because my twin sister and myself were taking my nephew and a few of his friends to an event.

So I'm excited for them in that moment, but I'm excited to take them so we can be in that moment together. We're not going to address rehearsed tragedy. We're going to focus on those positive things that will happen, not those things that may happen. So I want you to let Joy be the brave thing you choose today. Thank you for tuning in again. I'm Dr. Jessica Green and you can catch me here live on Wednesdays at 10:30 Eastern Standard Time or 9:30 Central Time. And then also do not forget there is recorded content in the Cadre app where you can catch me there as well.

As always, I am so proud of you doing the work that you do for yourself in order to gain that intrinsic motivation, that personal growth. And I always want you to remember that you are not alone in this journey. So until next time, take care of your mind, take care of your heart, and definitely take care of each other. See you soon.