How I Learned To Stop Living In Survival Mode And Start Loving Myself

Cadre. Happy Friday. It is 12 o'clock. I can't talk today. It is 12 o'clock Central Standard Time in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Actually, I'm in St. Paul, Minnesota. Happy Friday for everybody here in the Cadre sphere. I'm Shannon. If I have not met you before, I'm part of the Cadre team. I am not a clinician. I am not a mental health professional. I am a human being who. Who lives with anxiety, cptsd. And I am a human who is a caregiver for a child with autism. So happy Friday. I'm so glad you guys are here.

Okay, so today I have a. Today is called How I Stopped Living in Survival Mode. And so what I'm gonna share is essentially stuff that I learned. I've been in therapy for eight years. A lot of this actually comes out of some of my stuff with anxiety, but also a lot of childhood trauma, which is that I just continue to work with and deal with all the time. And so today I'm going to share something I learned. And it's about the idea of how we can tell ourselves a new story about ourselves. And it's something we can all do anytime, and we have accessibility to it.

No matter how much money we have, no matter where we live. It's something we can do all the time for ourselves. Happy Friday, you guys. I love this so much because I am seeing Jules. I am seeing Newfie lover Sue. I am seeing Susan, Sarah Monahan. I know you guys are all over the place. You are in northern Minnesota. Two of you are in northern Minnesota. Newfie lover Sue, I think you're not in Minnesota. I can't remember, but I'm just so happy to see you guys. You're awesome. Okay, so here's what we're going to talk about today.

This is a book. This is something I did. This is an exercise. You can see it's real. This is from three years ago. And so this was an exercise I did when I was trying to come to terms with some of the stuff that I have inside of me that makes me feel like I'm not good enough. And so one of the books that I've loved is called and I Can't Find It. It's by Martha. Gosh. Oh, my gosh. Midlife brain. I've talked about it before and it's called about. I can't think of what it's called. I'm going to find it.

But it is about being in integrity with ourselves. Okay. And so the insight from this book is that Our worst psychological suffering comes from thoughts that we genuinely about ourself while simultaneously knowing that they're not true, right? So just think about that for a second. It's a story that we tell ourselves because maybe culture has taught us something, maybe our family of origin has taught us something. So it's some learned story that we've. We've told ourselves. Yet if we check in our gut and our soul, we know it's not true, right?

But it's a battle to do that. So mine, and again, here it is from 2022, is that I thought that I was not worthy of a healthy relationship because I don't do things that women should do. So this was my belief system. This was my story about myself because I'm not a super successful domestic woman. I'm not a good cook. I don't enjoy cooking. I don't enjoy like moms groups, like typical moms groups, right? I love business. I don't love going shopping. I wish someone would just pick out my clothes for me and tell me what to wear.

So just things that again, as you can hear me talk about them, those are clearly societal stories, right? Someone told me that story. It's in my brain from someone that is not me. Because as you heard me just say, what I know about myself is that I love thinking, I love business, I love strategy. I actually love emotion, right? I love emotional connection with people, which is why I'm here on Cadre. Those are all sort of intellectual pursuits. They are feelings. They are not necessarily visceral pursuits in a home.

And that's what culture, when I was growing up, and you know, it's changing a bit now, but that's what my culture told me is that's what women do. I also grew up in a family of origin where the value of women was number one to be a mother and number two to be a wife. And there wasn't really anything in there for any other parts of you. So my story to myself was I'm not worthy of a healthy relationship because I'm not a. I'm not a good woman, right? So for you, just take a second and maybe think about what is it in your life?

What's a story? What's something about you that you tell yourself that is a thought that you might genuinely believe. I'm just going to go back. The Way of Integrity is the book. I just remembered it, Martha something. You can Google it. I've talked about it before. But going back to. For yourself, think for a second about a thought that you might genuinely believe about yourself while simultaneously knowing it's not true. Just this is an exercise. So whether you do it now or you do it later, just take some time, write down some thoughts.

When I did it, I had five. Then, as you do that, here's where the good part comes in. I often talk about what I learned in therapy was that for me, what I took away was I have to do five things to stop living in survival mode. Number one, I have to know that there's something that exists, right? I have to know that something inside of me is not in alignment with the way that I'm showing up in the world. Number two, for me, a huge one for me is that I have to say it out loud. So I have to manifest that inside of me out loud.

For me, that holds incredible power. But number three was I have to imagine a different way. And that's where today's exercise or today's sort of practical acknowledgement comes in. Because I think we can do those things and we can do this work to understand what is hurting us. But we're not just going to sit in it. That's not the goal. I don't want to sit in it. And three years later, I'm not sitting in it. And it's because of exercises like this. So I was an English undergrad, and I love stories and I love storytelling.

And so what you can do is you can take the thought you have and you can write a new story. And if you just for a second think about the way the power of words and the power of even the way you start a story, the first sentence, the first line, the power of a single sentence, right? So, for example, if I were to say, I have a notepad here. I am strong, I am weak, right? Just bear with me here, right? I am strong and I am weak. These two sentences alone, you know right from the beginning that these stories are going to be incredibly different.

Whatever come neck, whatever comes next behind I am strong, or whatever comes next behind I am weak are very, very different stories. So what I have learned is that I have to practice rewriting my story. And I still have to do it every single day. And I had therapy yesterday, and I'm going through stuff like you are. And every single one of you speak wonder, I see you. Hi, from Erie, Pennsylvania. You're going through something, right? But how we choose to do this is everything. And I am self talking myself right now in this.

But what I love about this practice is that we get to control it. We get to practice it. Wherever we are, I can do it in my head anywhere. I can do it when I'm sitting in my office. I can do it when I'm in my car. I can do it at night. I can pick up a pad anywhere and write a line about myself. And I get to do that. That's my power. Anila says, do I actively sit down daily and write down my story? I do not. Do I need to? I absolutely do. It is one of the hardest things that I deal with as a human is.

Is that. Is this the narrative I have in my head? And so I practice it every single day. And that's why I'm bringing it here today, is because I think it's hard for all of us. Or at least I'm going to say that because it makes me feel better. But, you know, I go through phases. This was clearly a phase. And I get. I'm good at it, and I'm not good at it at times. But I think what I remember is, and I had a friend nudge me this morning, which is why I picked this topic today, was that we get to control our story and we get to pick what we focus on.

So I'm going to encourage us all today to think about this. I am strong. I am weak. Whatever your story is right, whatever it is, you get to pick. And the more you focus on the beautiful thing you are, because every single one of you on here is a beautiful thing, the better you're going to feel. And that's your truth. And we don't have to suffer. And so I just want us all to hear that. I wanted you all to hear that today. I need to hear it today. So I'm just going to say it to myself and just remember that if you.

If you're feeling like a story is in your head, that you don't want to be there, you have the power in that moment to change it. You have the power to start to tell yourself something different. And I can tell you that that story, for me in here, is not my story anymore. I don't believe that anymore. There's sometimes a touch of it can creep in, and then I go back and say, that's not me. So you're right, Anila. I think. I think suffering. Suffering is a choice question mark. So I don't know if that's a question.

I think suffering is a. I think we have power over how we choose to look at our life, and I think we have power over who we surround ourselves with. And I think that's why being here in this community is everything. So that's it. I'm proud of all of you. You guys are awesome people. I love you for being a part of this community, and you're making me better every single day. I appreciate you all deeply, and thank you for being here, and you guys are doing a fantastic job with being you. And so we'll see you here soon again in the Cadre sphere, and I hope you have an awesome weekend.

Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you guys soon.