Coffee Chats w/ Dr. D

Hey, Kaj, it's me, Dr. D. I keep forgetting I have this little mic. Y' all forgive me. I think I do something silly every time here. Just there's so many transitions happening right before this coffee chat. So y' all forgive me if you're watching the replay. I am really excited today. It's a beautiful day. I'm loving the weather here. It's finally getting warm. I feel like June is usually super hot in the Midwest, and it's still, like, the 70s, not really reaching 80 quite yet, so it's beautiful.

Love it. So I want to share something with y' all. I don't know if you can see, but I tried to dye my hair yesterday. And tell me if this has ever happened to you, where you. You're choosing something that, like. So, for example, I was picking out my hair color. Hey, there. And I thought I got the box that I got last time at Sally. And I had somebody even look up what I purchased the last time. Couldn't really find it. And I expected the color to turn out lighter than what it did. It actually darkened my hair.

I don't know how that happened, because the color even said light, and that's not what I got. But that's okay. So I'm learning to just kind of go with the flow and pivot and take whatever God gives me. So this is my color for a couple of months. Hello. Speak, Wonder. But today I've been reflecting on, really, some things that I've been witnessing with some of the college students that I work with and counseling and even my son right now. So for those who are in, I would say, transitioning from high school to college or transitioning from college and getting a degree and then moving on with adulthood and how that can bring up maybe some disconnection that wasn't expected.

And I know for some of us, I will say most of us, we're probably not in that stage of life. Thank you. Speak, Wonder. But we are. I think at times we experience when we lose connection with people that we were once close with, and we don't always see how it happens. And then once it's there, once we decide that we need to reach out to those people, we can't really remember how to contact them. Maybe their phone number changed or whatever. Have it. Something gets in the way, really. And so I want to talk about what I call the invisible drift of adulthood.

And so put yourself in that time frame, and maybe this has happened to you recently where you've lost connection with people that you once Maybe talk to on a daily basis or at least regularly, where you could just call that person or text them and you could, you know, that they're there. And then over time, maybe life just gets busy. Maybe you start working or you're working really some tough projects, or you have kids or you get married or whatever the thing is. But there's something or people, other people who get in the way.

And how does that feel? So I've experienced this several times in life, and for me, losing those connections, I don't recognize that it's happening until it hurts. And that pain point is something that I think is a trigger for us. And those are these emotional cues that we need to start paying attention to when we are hurting from a connection that we thought was there, that's no longer there. And so what are we losing when we're not being intentional with maintaining connection with people? And one thing that comes to mind is we.

We lose emotional support. And usually we reach out to people in our life when we need emotional connection. And so when we don't have that, it's like, well, what do we do? And it's hard to even turn to ourselves because we're in this place of hurt where we need community. The other part of what we lose when we don't maintain connection in adulthood is we lose what? I've kind of hinted at this in other talks about having mirrors in our life. The people that are closest to us are our mirrors. They reflect the good and bad parts of us.

And when we lose connection, we are losing a piece of us. We're losing someone who reflects who we are. And I think that's a challenging time when we are trying to seek affirmation or when we're in spaces where we're trying to maybe get clarity on what should we do with maybe a important thing in our life? Because the people in our lives will kind of remind us who we are and what's important to us and remind us of our values. And when we lose those connections, we don't have that anymore. And I think that's a big challenge.

So I have some notes here, y' all. That's why I keep looking down. But how do we reconnect? So if you're in the space of I've lost connection, I can't find these people. I can't find that person. I want you to even consider, who is that person? Maybe there's someone that's coming to mind right now. Have you lost connection with someone that maybe was a childhood best friend or Maybe it was someone in high school that you spent every day with, and you haven't talked to them in years, but they still have a special place in your heart.

So how do we reconnect when connection has been lost, and maybe it's been lost unintentionally, One thing is to be intentional. So be intentional with reconnection. Invite them to something. Maybe you need to get a group of people together where you are able to reconnect with, let's say. It's so. For me, I had this experience just last year, actually, where my cheerleading coach from high school got us all together. And not just the cheerleaders from when I was in school, but even the cheerleaders from that were a little older than me and those that came after me after I graduated.

And that was such a special time to see those ladies that I haven't seen since 1999, y' all. But meeting in the same space together for a common goal. And the common goal was just to celebrate us being cheerleaders at this particular school. And it was such a special moment, and to see how I could see the little girls in them, but to see how they've evolved in life was really cool. So that's one thing you can do, is maybe schedule something where you are inviting a group of people that meant something to you, or maybe you're a part of a group and getting that group back together.

And it doesn't have to be something way back in, you know, when you're younger, it could just been someone that you haven't connected with in the past year or two, and you just want to get back together. But the other part of reconnection is consistency. So tell me if this has happened to you, because this happens to me quite often. I think just in adulthood, I have friends that we always talk about, girl, let's meet up for coffee, or let's meet up for dinner, or let's celebrate our birthdays together.

And then life gets in the way and we just don't do it. And I'm not hurt by it. They're not hurt by it. But it's. It's just like, why can't we get together? What is getting in the way? But we keep talking about it, so there is a desire to reconnect. It just doesn't happen. But I would say once you move away from the consistency of let's keep talking, let's keep planning, eventually one day it's going to happen. When you let that go, then you might end up losing that connection. Completely. So be consistent and be intentional.

And the last thing I just want to suggest is sometimes you just gotta be random. And what I mean by that is send a random text or send a random voice note. If you're thinking about someone that means something, reach out to them and don't hesitate to do it. I've done this several times. I might be, you know, driving to my office or, you know, going to the grocery store and I have this random thought of someone that I haven't talked to, or, oh, I was supposed to call them and I didn't do it. And those are moments where I will stop my car or once I get to my destination, I will make intentional moments where I will send them a text to say, hey, I remember when.

Or I might just give them some words of encouragement like, I hope you're having a great day, or I hope you're able to, whatever it is, right? Just be random. And I've also received those random texts and random phone calls and random voice notes, and it's so special. I don't know if you guys have ever received that, but it feels really good. So do the same for them. So that's all I got. I love all your comments. I am definitely going to go back and read them. I saw some comments about my hair. Thank you, whoever complimented my hair today.

And yes, speak on there. You love being random. I do, too. I think those are some of the most authentic moments we have is when we send these random messages to people that we care about. And Lauren, I see you there, too. So how do you reintroduce yourself to people if you've had a life event? Oh, that's a good question. You know, I like to think about the parts of ourselves. And let's say the random life event is. I mean, I'm going to go dark here. Sorry, y' all. But let's say you lost someone that was really close to you.

It could have been your partner, your parents, a child. And when we lose someone that's close to us, one of our mirrors, that does change who we are. Right. It impacts us in that way sometimes. And I think when we have to reintroduce ourselves, so maybe we've lost some time of connection with someone and then they see us again. But we've had this maybe traumatic event that happened to us. Sometimes we have to be honest about it and say, hey, I have changed. Because I think the people in our lives that know us well, they're going to see the difference.

They may not understand why we're different, but that's on us to explain it to them. I think sometimes we also have to. Let's say it's something positive that happened. Maybe you got married. Well, you are a different person. You know, when you have different changes in your life, you do change. You do evolve. And I think we just have to remind ourselves we are not meant to stay the same. That's for everyone. So. And please forgive. Is it Amma, I cannot pronounce your name. I'm so sorry, but finding balance is difficult.

That is our theme for the month, I believe. Balance. How do we find balance? And this is balance in relationships, balance in friendships, balance with who we are and who we're going to become and who we used to be. Think about that. All right, y' all. That's all I got. Thank you for coming to my coffee chat today. I will be here next Tuesday. And I will be a year older because my birthday is Thursday, y' all, so. But I hope you guys have a wonderful day. Please go get your coffee or your tea or something that you enjoy for your drink.

Non alcoholic. All right. You guys have a wonderful day. Bye.