Dr. Charisse Johnson explores the pressure of layered expectations and how people exhaust themselves trying to fulfill conflicting roles. She guides listeners to give themselves permission to evolve, outgrow past selves, and navigate guilt while adapting.
Dr. Charisse Johnson is a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author. She comes into the space twice a week to engage, to educate and to talk all about what does it mean to create and live out a life you don't have to escape.
A friend was talking about the expectations she places on herself. She is exhausted because she has multiple layers of who she thinks she's supposed to be. Lakefront of Eerie: You are allowed to change. You're allowed to grow into a different season. And it's very possible to work through the guilt.
Rpp: Give yourself permission to grow who you and you know away from who you had to be. She says sometimes people get caught in the crossfire of that. Rpp: I am pretty adaptable and so I'm willing to be what that environment needs without necessarily feeling like I lose myself.
You're allowed to outgrow who you had to be. Some people won't recognize this new version of you. Don't look back with regret. Give yourself permission to change. And when you do, you are not selfish. You're just healing.
Hydrosphere. It is so good to be with you. If you're listening to this live good morning, you're listening to it at another time. Good afternoon or good evening. I know that some people probably find that strange, but I just love making sure that you're greeted in real time, no matter where you are. But speaking of where you are, let me know. Right. Where are you in the world right now? Maybe you're someplace luscious so we can all vicariously live through you and rate your week. That's something that we do together a couple times a week.
It's our self regulation tool, our ability to kind of check in and say, okay, 1 to 10, 1 meaning bottom of the barrel, 10 meaning you're on top of things. Let me know where you are. And it gives me a good gauge as well around how I can support you. Good morning, healing with Dr. Green. Hello, Jaden. Mommy. All those who are joining us this morning, if this is your first time on a Wednesday live, I'm Dr. Charisse Johnson, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author.
And I come into the space twice a week to engage, to educate and to talk all about what does it mean to create and live out a life you don't have to escape? And that doesn't mean balance because balance really is impossible. It means harmony. How does everything in my life fit well together? Good morning, Philly. Hello, Steph, Irwin, it's good to see you this morning. Hope you're doing well. All of you who are parents, how you feeling about the fact that summer is coming and your kids will be in your house?
I was talking to a friend and we were talking about that the other day. And my kids are, many of, you know, 23 and 25, so we're past that point. But, oh, do I remember that adjustment. I have a really great topic that I feel like I've heard a lot lately. Hello, Charlotte. Especially as I've been not only just speaking with friends or colleagues, but I'm seeing this even come up a lot in organizations and nonprofits. So it goes all across the spectrum. I'll give you a quick story that I feel like will bring this home a little bit more.
So I was talking to a friend, I'm sharing this story with permission. And we were talking about the expectations that she places on herself and she is wearing herself out. She is exhausted because she has all of these multiple layers of who she thinks she's supposed to be in her head. And in some ways, while all of those things are beautiful, they're in conflict. They're in conflict because she's recognizing, I can't keep up this pace. If you've ever said that to yourself, give me some hearts. If you've ever said, I can't keep this up, this is too much, I'm overwhelmed, I'm exhausted.
Heart. If I could, heart, I would. So I'll just do this instead. And when those moments happen, sometimes, yeah, it's a moment of life. Hello, Lakefront of Eerie. Sometimes it is things outside of our control, but a lot of times it's messages that we've picked up about who we're supposed to be. Now, in her scenario, I won't tell you every single role that she has, but she has a very high stress job. By the nature of her job, she has children. And so as a parent, that's extremely important to her.
But it's also important to note she was raised by a stay at home mom. So she has a very different bar and outlook of what a good childhood is supposed to be like. Thank you. Speak, wonder. And then she wants to be a great wife, she wants to be a great colleague. She's working on a higher level degree. You see all of these layers and she's expecting perfection and all of them and afraid to give something up. And so the other night I asked her, I said, well, what, what do you think would happen if you decided to let some things go, especially when it comes to what you believe about who you are.
And she was like, I can do that. Yes, you. Now I'm talking to. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to evolve. You're allowed to grow into a different season, a different side of yourself. And you're allowed to do it without apology. And it's very possible to work through the guilt. Before I get into a few principles to keep in mind around this area of giving yourself permission to grow who you and you know away from who you had to be. How do you do? So give me some insight about you. If you think about your life, maybe you're in a season right now where you are evolving, you're changing, your needs are different, your outlook is different.
What you want out of life might be different when it's time or when you consider, I really want to change, I don't want to do this anymore. I wish people didn't expect this of me. How does that impact you? Are you comfortable? Do you feel guilty? Are you held with? Or do you hold a sense of regret because you feel like this is what people are used to? So I need to be what they're used to. Fill me in on what that looks like for you. And I'm just going to give a moment for your response because I think these are the things that are helpful and normalize your situation.
I will say for myself, I'm a little different. I'm a bit of a wild card in the sense that even as a young child I was always very secure in here's who I am and however I need to change. I need to, you know, I need to change. Okay, great comment. When you say confusing, tell me what you mean. Do you mean it's you're confused about whether or not you can change or you feel like if you do change it'll be confusing for other people. Someone else is saying I'm comfortable changing and pivoting to what I need to be for me and fulfilled.
Yeah. And can pour into others because that's a key point when we make those shifts. It's part of it makes things better for ourself, but it also helps us to show up in the spaces and for the people that we love and enjoy. Well, so back to what I was saying for just a moment. I've always been a little bit of a unicorn. I am pretty adaptable and so I'm willing to be what that environment needs without necessarily feeling like I lose myself. And I'm very protective. Some of that's out of survival.
I'm very protective out of I can't be that for you anymore because the cost of that is too great. It's not always fun. It's not. Not always enjoyable. There are definitely people who get caught in the crossfire of that because they have viewed me one way or they still need me or want me one way and that way has expired. That way is no longer ideal for my own balance. But that's a part of self care and self worth and knowing that the people in your life can adjust. So here's what I. Oh yeah. Confused about.
Yeah. If I make that shift and that change, what in the world will the next chapter be? Because. And that's an aspect that for sure can keep us being exactly who we are. Thank you, rpp. Recovering people pleaser. That's real. Let me also add, sometimes you may find you give yourself permission to change in one area of your life, but then in other areas of your life or with other people, it's a lot more difficult. Family's a great example. Regardless of how old I am, I'm the youngest. When I get back with my family of origin I'm just the baby, right?
There's still this way of viewing me that they hold on to. So when I go back into environments with them, everyone kind of goes back into this kind of role or archetype that we have to break out of because that's not who we are anymore. So here's the meat of today. You're allowed to outgrow who you had to be. Number one. You were who you needed to be. Maybe you were the fixer. Maybe you were the quiet one, the overachiever, the one who never asked for anything. You became who the world demanded, not who you truly were.
Oh, I've got to go there for a minute. Have you ever had a moment where you thought to yourself, I am who life has required me to be? But you know that there are some other parts of who you are that you haven't really shown as much as you wanted to, or you don't feel like you've been able to operate in that part of yourself as much because you've kind of conditioned yourself to an environment that expects something very different from you. I think that's something really powerful to think about.
Number two. You're allowed to grow. Outgrow who you had to be. It made sense then. I find that a lot of people struggle to change and evolve because they feel bad that they're not pleasing anymore. They feel bad that they're not showing up. They're not saying yes to everything. Maybe there was a season where it made sense, where it was necessary. You were surviving. You adapted. You did what you had to. But now you're allowed to choose different. That's my. My big piece right there. If you don't remember anything else I say, I want you to remind yourself you're allowed to be different, and you're allowed to choose different if that's going to be helpful for your own level of mental health and well being.
Third thing to consider when it comes to outgrowing who you've always been. It might hurt, right? Some people won't recognize this new version of you. Some people will not want to accept this new version of you. They may feel like, well, you seem so different. You've changed. They're not saying that because they like it. They are viewing it through the lens of this is complicated. I liked you better before. Some people will even tell you that. And it's because who you were was convenient. It didn't require perhaps much from them, or it allowed you to show up in that relationship and be what they needed instead of what you needed 4.
It's scary. Sometimes I feel like we've kind of gotten that tone. It's scary. It's confusing a little bit. So letting go of the mask might feel like you're losing everything. What will the next chapter be? What will people think? Well, will I still have the friends that I have? Will my relationships still be the way that they are? Will I create new ones? What does this look like? What if I don't like it? If you don't like it, you can go back right to the old parts of yourself that are more familiar that you realize, okay, no, I did like myself there and in that way more than I did before.
But it's really the start of finally having yourself. And the last thing that I will say is some of you may need to grieve parts of the old you. Not because you were fake, but because you carried you through difficult moments and you don't need to live there anymore. If you are listening to the sound of my voice and you are going through a very difficult season and you're coming out of it and you're regaining ground, don't look back with regret. You did what you had to do in order to get through that moment.
You don't live there anymore. Life doesn't demand exactly the same thing. So you can evolve. And when you do, you are not selfish. You're not broken. You're just healing. And sometimes healing looks like no longer fitting into the life that you built to survive. So give yourself permission to change. As always, I'm so glad that you chose to come to show up. Hopefully you heard something that you can use in your own wellness journey or share with someone else. I have loved this time that we have.
I am enjoying watching all of the contributors continue to give. I hope you'll continue to show up in this space with me. I hope you will branch out and continue to listen to some of the other individuals because there's such a wealth of great encouragement and insight and support in this space. But most of all, I want you to make this week be what you need it to be. Without guilt, without apology, and remind yourself, regardless of what you've always been, you're allowed to grow. And if you can't give that permission to yourself, then I am giving it to you.
And once you're ready to take it and grasp on it, then you can take it and carry it yourself. Thank you so much. Speak Wonder. I hope everyone has and incredible, incredible week and I will see you on Sunday.
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