Coffee Chats with Dr. D

I did it again, y' all. I had this microphone upside down. It's always something, ain't it? But it's okay. I'm here. My name is Dr. Leslie Davis. Welcome to my coffee Chat. For those of you who are watching the replay, please let me know where you're listening from. So I'm in the St. Louis area, and I actually just got back home. I was at an award ceremony for St. Louis Children's Fund, St. Louis County Children's Fund, where I was a recipient of a Community Mental Health Provider Excellence award last year.

And so this year, I got to pass the torch to a wonderful lady named Dr. Jamika Cooper. Woody Cooper. She actually has a TED talk, you guys, if you want to check it out. Dr. Jamika Woody Cooper. She's amazing. So there's a lot going on right now. Hello, T. Brown. And I am just kind of getting myself regulated. Just. I just got home literally five minutes ago. My dog is over here. Y' all probably see her. That's Sassy. She is running around behind me because she's excited to see me, so maybe she'll join us.

Let's see y' all. Say hi, Kathy. She's not feeling it. That's okay. But today, I really. I didn't know what to talk about, But I've been on this journey of confidence, and I am learning to celebrate my confidence, because I don't feel like that's something that we're allowed to do. Sometimes we're told to be confident, but when we show up in spaces where we are confident, I think people judge us for that sometimes, and maybe they feel like we shouldn't be so proud. And there's a difference of being proud of yourself and having pride.

But what I want to talk about as far as relationships and how this works with confidence, I recently saw a video, and I think it was probably on Instagram, because I'll scroll late at night. Y' all. Not gonna lie. But I remember seeing this video of if you ever see little girls in these dancing competitions where they're doing, like, salsa and they're dressed all cute and they've got their face beat with all this makeup. And it was a group of little girls surrounding this one little girl who didn't seem like she was quite confident.

She was getting ready to go onto the dance floor and compete. And the girls were, like, talking in her ear, and I don't know what they were saying, but you could see a visible change where this little girl just kind of lit up and she started to smile. And her chest started rising and her posture rose, and it was like an instant change. And what I noticed was she was surrounded by other girls who had to remind her who she is or who she was. And whatever they said to her, I don't know what they said, but whatever they said gave her enough confidence to walk out.

And you could literally see the transformation where she embodied that confidence. And she went out there on the dance floor and it was like a whole new person came out and she rocked it. And I. I think I have, as a little girl, experienced something like that because I used to do gymnastics and I was a cheerleader. And so if you've ever had any type of sport where you. You're part of a group, you are always surrounded by other people, but then there's also times where you might be competing with your teammates mentally, and so you might not be as confident.

And so, kind of revisiting this topic of mirrors that I've been talking about the last few weeks. When we have people in our lives that mirror the confidence that we really do have within ourselves, it's a great reminder of who we are. Because there are times when we forget who we are. We forget the positive things about ourselves. And that could be for different reasons. It could be because we had a really bad moment before, a moment we're supposed to show up and be great, or maybe we experienced trauma, or maybe it was we just didn't sleep good and we just don't have the energy.

And so the people in our lives that mirror the greatness within us have to remind us who we are sometimes. And so I want you to consider, who are those people in your life? Who is your mirror that reminds you how great you are? And who are the people that serve as your mirror that give you confidence when you don't see it in yourself, when you have a hard time pulling it out of yourself? So if you can think of anyone, I'm going to give you guys a moment to sit with that, you know, just drop their initials in the chat.

So there are a few people for me who come to mind of people who show up as my mirror. 1. There's one girl on here now. Hi, Brittany. Brittany is one of my mirrors. She reminds me who I am. So when I am having any moment of doubt or imposter syndrome creeps up, Brittany will remind me how bad I am. Bad in a good way. Brittany is one of those people that she's my cheerleader and she has my back, and she will remind me of all the things that I've done well in life. And sometimes you can forget. You can let the bad override all the good that you've done for yourself.

Yes. And I can think of other people in my life. Dr. Charisse, she's another content creator on here. She reminds me and she reflects who I am on the inside. My mother at times does that for me. There are, you know, my best friends and there are pockets of people. And for some reason, maybe it's because it's just a female energy, I don't know. But it's mostly females who mirror this confidence within me. And let me know what you guys think about this. Is there a difference in the way confidence shows up for women versus men?

And I think it does. I think it shows up differently because we're taught by society how we're supposed to show up as women. I am challenging this self silencing. That's another hot topic of mine that I'm talking about in different spaces. But I think as women, as little girls, we're often told to be small or be seen and not heard. I know we tell children that, at least we used to. I remember growing up with that mindset. But women are also, we're encouraged to be quiet and soft and sometimes our softness is not allowed to show up as confidence.

And so when we do feel confident, it can come across as being arrogant or it can come across as being hard or being a bee. Right. And so we might shy away from being confident in spaces where we really need to be confident. So consider moments where your confidence has shown up for you, where it has been a mirror for someone else. So if your confidence is reflecting what someone else needs to see, and maybe it's a little girl, maybe it's a little girl in your life that needs to see that you are a confident woman.

Maybe it's a little boy, maybe it's, maybe it's your husband, maybe it's your, your friend, your coworker. They need to see your confidence because we all have it. But I think sometimes we are challenged not to show it. And I think it does us a disservice because we can't show up as who we really are. So yes, Ms. Brittany, I see all your initials in there. Mel Myers, you got mp not sure who that is. But whoever these people are, if you've got their initials put down here, reach out to them today, send them a text message and just thank them for being a mirror in a positive way for you.

I think sometimes people don't realize that that's the role that they play in your life. And if you share that with them, I think they'll really appreciate that. And so, Ms. Brittany, you said a quote you saw and love recently was people think you're flexing and you're just proud of yourself. Oh, I like that. Yeah. And that's exactly what it is. People see confidence as you're puffed up, and that's not what it is. I think confidence also takes us being real with ourselves and being able to show up when we feel flawed.

I recently heard that when we see the flaws within ourselves, but we still choose to show up in a positive way, that's confidence. When have you done that? All right, y' all, thank you so much for sharing with me, sharing the space with me at Cadre. Thank you for tuning in this week. Next week, I'll be a little more relaxed because I have more scheduled time to kind of regulate myself before our talk. But thank you for coming to my coffee chat. And don't forget your coffee. All right, y' all, bye.