What’s Holding You Back? Discover the Secrets to Personal Growth 🌱

Hello, Cadre World and Happy Wednesday. This is Dr. Jessica Green. And yes, I am joining you from my vehicle today because it is a busy day. But I wanted to make sure I did not get the opportunity to not talk about personal growth and our ability to remember to do those three things. Our ability to be courageous, our ability to have compassion, and then our ability to build connections, compassionate connections, and being courageous. So we are going to wait for some others to come in and join us.

But in the meantime, good morning, Susan Johnson. I am going to share a little bit about me before we start talking about personal growth and how my week has been going. Generally, whenever we come in, we kind of try to rate our week. You know, today is, you know, wonderful Wednesday, as my very great, great friend always calls it. But when you come in, I definitely want you to rate yourself as far as how your week has been going on a scale from 1 to 10 where one being like, oh, it has been hot mess express and, you know, hopefully it'll pick up momentum to 9 or 10 where it has been a wonderful, fabulous week.

And as I go back a little bit, I am, I'm Dr. Jessica Green and I am a licensed professional counselor and licensed in South Carolina, licensed in North Carolina and in Florida. And I also serve as a CEU provider for my clinicians here in South Carolina. And I am a supervisor for those new LPCAs who are joining the field and have to have their two years of supervision. But today we are definitely going to focus on personal growth. But I also want to focus on when we talk about personal growth, having those tough conversations, especially in a dividing world, because having those conversations either with co workers, with family, with friends, sometimes they can be pretty tough.

So today I want us to talk about that and then some tools that we can use. Good morning, food junkie. Some tools that we can use in order to have those critical and crucial conversations, but then also continue to focus on that, that personal growth. So sometimes we avoid having those conversations because we fear that sense of rejection. Good morning, food junkie. We avoid having those conversations just because we're worried about those conflicts or what others may say or that perception they may have of us.

But I want us to think about, you know, what growth can look like when we talk about having those tough and those critical and crucial conversations. Sometimes we just have to listen for understanding as opposed to responding. And when I say that, too, sometimes that lead to us being, being reacting to a situation as opposed to responding. So whenever we respond to a situation, we take that deep breath. We Think about what we're going to say before we say it. But we also think fast and talk slow.

But then when we react, that reaction is off of that. Impulsive behaviors, you know, we're not thinking before we react. We're just saying those things that that come to our brain. It's kind of like we talk about when we send text messages. We always try to read them before we send them and asking ourselves, is this appropriate? Am I being kind to others? Well, that's the same thing we need to do when we have those conversations. We listen for understanding and listen for intent, as opposed to just responding, responding, but also reacting in a negative way.

I also want you to think about asking yourself and asking the question to the individual, can you help me understand your perspective? Instead of saying, how could you think like that? Or why would you think that? You know, changing up that simple question of saying, can you help me understand your perspective? It allows us to gain insight on their perspective, but then it may also continue to have that conversation where we're looking at. We call it qbq, the question behind the question. Because they may have that thought process based on their lived experiences or maybe something that they're thinking of but not really looking at that full arena of that situation or their circumstance.

And then sometimes we may say, you know, without blaming, you know, here's how I feel about it. So we may ask that question, can you help me understand your perspective? And then in order to gain more feedback, in order to increase our emotional intelligence, we may say, you know, here's how I feel. And then we're able to do that without blame and then without shaming. So three takeaways that I want you to think about when we talk about having that critical and crucial conversation. Being courageous, but then being mindful what we say and how we say it.

Oh, yeah, Food junkie said. There's an old saying, a still tongue makes for a wise head definition of meaning. Be quiet and listen fully before responding. Absolutely. You know, we're thinking fast, but we're talking slow. Because when those words come out, we cannot take them back. So three things I want you to think about when you have that critical and crucial conversation. And unfortunately, sometimes it's not if it happens, but when it happens. So I want you to start with intention. I want you to ask yourself, am I trying to connect?

Or in that moment, do I just want to be right? Good morning. Speak Wonder. Are we starting with intent? So I want you to ask yourself, am I trying to connect? Or am I responding and reacting Just to be right. The second thing I want you to do is use I statements. Speak from your experience, not from the overall generalization. Whenever you're having these curriculum and crucial conversations, speak from your lived experiences. Hey, you know what? This is what happened to me or this is what I have have dealt with.

So this makes me feel this way. So we're allowing them to fully understand, you know, when this happened, I felt this way. And thirdly, I want you to breathe, and then I want you to take deep breaths and be able to take breaks. Sometimes we have to step away if our emotions escalate. But then we can also return when we, whenever we feel grounded away. Grounded, sorry, grounded again. And sometimes we even do that with family and friends. There may be that moment where we need that timeout where we have to step away and then come back.

And for some individuals, they like to go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And in that moment, that conversation is not intentional. In that conversation, we are becoming that soda bottle. And we all know when you continue to shake that soda bottle, that top is going to blow. And in that moment, we begin reacting to that situation as opposed to taking that deep breath, asking for that timeout so we can come back to that conversation. Because sometimes individuals are waiting to get the worst of us so they can say, oh my gosh, I told y' all, Jessica was going to reply and respond that way, but we're not going to give them that ammo.

What we're going to do is make sure what we have, what we need to make sure we armor up so when it happens, we can be prepared and we can be ready. So here's my challenge for you this week. I want you to have one brave conversation with someone. And yes, today is Wednesday, and you might have already had to have this brave conversation with someone, but I want you to have a brave conversation, whether it's clearing up a misunderstanding, setting boundaries, setting those healthy boundaries, or simply asking someone how they feel.

But then whenever you have that conversation, I want you to be able to lean in. And when you lean in, I want you to listen with intent, I want you to listen with compassion. And then ask those questions. But make sure when we ask those questions, they're open ended questions and not a reactive response. Because sometimes when we have those conversations, they can ruin the best relationships. And it's okay to have, you know, separate views with a friend or a colleague, but sometimes that response and that action just adds fuel to that fire.

So I want you to also remember that growth doesn't happen, you know instantly. You know that growth moment may be a marathon and not a sprint. But as long as we start having these critical and crucial conversations, we have these tough conversations. We recognize when we may be triggered where we may have to step away asking those open ended questions. We can definitely continue to build on personal growth, continue to be the best of us and not allow others to get the worst of us. Because sometimes we all have family, friends, colleagues, even neighbors who want to get the worst of us.

They can say hey, I told y' all Jessica was that way, but we're not even gonna allow them to have have that fuel. Food Junkie says one of everyone's fault is the anticipation of what someone else is going to say. And we jump the gun by commenting before the person is done. Absolutely being able to wait until they're done before we jump into that conversation. Because that question that we may be asking ourselves, if we gave them that time and gave them that moment, they'll be able to answer it and they'll answer it for you.

But sometimes we do jump the gun. A gun assuming one thing where their intent may be something else. So definitely Food Junkie, I appreciate you sharing that because that is definitely true. So I thank you all for engaging with this wonderful Wednesday. I will see you all next Wednesday, 9:30 CST and 10:30 Eastern Standard Time as we continue to talk about personal growth. Follow me on Cadre on the Cadre app Find. I'm Jessica Green. Follow me. You will see recorded videos, some additional content as we continue to focus on personal growth, our ability to have compassion, our ability to build connections and be courageous to have these conversations.

So until next time, Cadre World, have a wonderful week, have an awesome weekend and I will see you soon. Thank you Food Junkie. You have a blessed day as well.