Live w/ Dr.Charryse 🧠: “Reclaiming Balance After Crises”

Conjures fear. What is up? It is a sunny Wednesday morning here in the beautiful, beautiful Charlotte, North Carolina, and I hope that wherever you are, the weather is decent. Not too hot, not too anything. But either way, it's a great day to be alive. And I'm glad that you came and decided to show up in this space as we do. When you come in, do a few things for me. One, rate your week. If you think about how things are going in the middle of the week, what would you say for yourself? Would you say, one, you are not in your week.

Your week is kind of running you. 10, meaning it has been the most phenomenal week that you could ever imagine. And then let me know where you are in the world. So good morning, Good morning, Good afternoon. Evening. To those who drive or come in later on their drive, somebody had messaged me right before they started. I was like, I'm going to listen to you on the drive. So that's something to be said. I see that my husband has decided to pop on, so that must mean I need to be on my best behavior.

Oh, well, thank you for popping in this color. I really. You want to know the truth? I needed to choose something that I didn't have to do much to, but I appreciate it. That being said, as you come in again, 7, 8. Not getting enough sleep, but good sleep. That's good. You know, I've heard that the dynamic of sleep from quite a few people. Hello, Jersey. Hello, Chapel Hill. Hello, South Carolina. From quite a few individuals for different reasons, I think, you know, the seasonal changes, the heat, all the different things.

Hello, Statesboro. If I had to rate my week, I would give my week a solid seven, which isn't bad. There's still plenty of week to go. And just as a very simple reminder, rating yourself is also a dynamic of wanting to kind of check in and go, but where do I want to land? There's plenty of week ahead. It's very easy for us to get into a place where we just think, oh, no, my week has been a two and I'm stuck. And that's not necessarily true. Good morning, Leslie. Hello, Philly. Today I want to wrap up our focus around the dynamic of balance, which has been a theme here in KAJA Sphere that I've tried to incorporate.

We've talked a lot about balance. You tell me this. What's been one of your biggest takeaways, especially if you followed content within this code sphere or with me around balance? I want to give a few reminders. As before, just before I Hit. Our kind of last focus is that balance is not a destination. Right. It is a moment by moment decision to prioritize what's most important in your life without guilt. So it's something that you're going to constantly need to cultivate. What looks like balance today may not look like balance tomorrow.

What creates balance in your life this week may look very different tomorrow. So you also want to remind yourself that balance is like a living document. It's a fluid flexibility and ebb and flow of where am I, how do I feel, what do I need to experience? And what boundaries do I need to put in place in order to cultivate that balance or. Or maintain the balance that I feel like I'm already gaining? Again, what's your biggest aha moment for yourself around the dynamic of how's balance in your life?

If you were with me last week, one of the things that I mentioned was this dynamic between becoming and returning was having this conversation with a client and she was talking about coming through just a moment. Right. Nothing in particular about that moment. It wasn't necessarily a hard moment. It was just a moment and a season and she was contemplating, well, I want to get back to who I used to be. That's something I hear a lot. I want to be what I was. And while there may be aspects of ourselves that we want to reclaim and that makes total and complete sense sense.

I also want us to consider that sometimes it's not about returning after you've been through a crisis or situation or shift or change. It is also about who you're becoming and kind of opening yourself up to being able to evolve. So that level sets us. I want to pop into a few of these comments. Yes, Audrey. Post about setting yourself free from expectations. Yes. Oh, and that's wonderful. So it gave you the opportunity to release guilt from walking a 5K. Oh, phenomenal. Rather than running. Oh, that's so great.

And it's so easy to get ourselves into. Well, this is what I've always done, so I need to always do it. The goal of any race is cross finish line. Right. That's the goal of any journey. And yes, it's okay to say no. Dr. Teresa and other people will have their response, and that is perfectly fine. I'm going to segue here and then I'll come back to what we're going to talk about. If you're in relationship and connection with people, you're going to have moments where you have differences of opinions, where you have different reactions to how something lands on you.

And whether it's a reaction for one person saying yes or one person saying no, or whether it's a reaction around just disagreeing over the way something should be, everybody's entitled to their own reaction. And another person's reaction is not necessarily a sign that something's wrong. We are very uncomfortable, right? When people aren't in alignment with the response that we desire. We can go into a situation, we can absolutely want people to respond a certain way. And sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.

So I just want to again, affirm and reassure you you're on the right path. If you're being honest, if you're being truthful, if you're communicating, continue to do those things. And the people who love and care about you, whether that's on a personal level, a professional level, a friendship level, an intimate level, they will work on how they engage with you. And your reaction is just a sign of how it's landing for them. It doesn't necessarily mean that what you think or what you feel is wrong.

So please continue to say no and put in the boundaries that you need to. So becoming versus returning. When you're in a situation that you feel even for a moment, I'm off, I'm lost, my words aren't coming out right. I don't feel quite like myself or I feel man new and different, but it's uncomfortable. I want you to remember you're not broken, you're becoming. And that healing physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, financially isn't always about going back. It's about growing forward with what you know.

Now, I want you to consider this if you have a thought. When I ask this question, of course, feel free to put it in the chat or just use the reaction button. Where in your life do you sense it would be helpful for you to grow forward? Right, You've gotten some new information about a situation, a dynamic about yourself. Where are you growing forward with what you know now? With the new information that you've received, with difference in the understanding that you currently have about who you are, where you are and what you need.

So, again, this isn't talked about a lot, but it's so rich, the difference between becoming and returning, especially as it relates to reclaiming a sense of balance after crisis, burnout, emotional upheaval, or just a season of stress. So we don't always need to get back to who you were, because balance and healing is not about going backward. We want to go forward and become. We want you to become something new. Your core of who you Are will always be there, but with new strength, with new insight and new intention.

I think if we use Arjury's example, growing forward meant you could realize, hey, I'm fully capable of running, but I just needed to walk. That's growing forward. Growth would say it's okay for me to walk and feel great about it and enjoy it, and I have just as much purpose here. Backwards in some ways would be. Well, if I was always here and I had to PR on every race, I have to do that again or I failed. So growing forward is also a mentality. I want you to think about this. When we are trying to return to something, to some aspect of life, it's often rooted in things like nostalgia or perfectionism.

It's longing for this version of ourselves that was untouched by pain or uncertainty. And then it assumes this is why we don't always want to go. I need to get back to the way I used to be as a whole. When we are thinking through that lens of nostalgia and perfectionism and what was it assumes that our best self was behind us. Well, I'm here to tell you today that your best self was not behind you. Your best self is not behind you. Yes, I'm a proponent of looking back and loving who you've been, respecting who you've been, honoring who you've been.

Not sitting in any guilt or shame or frustration about it, but don't idolize it either. Right. Your best self is not in the past. Becoming honors where we are, and it leans into growth. It asks, here's a few questions. Who am I? What have I learned? And how can I carry wisdom forward rather than shame? Because when we're trying to get back to what we used to be, typically it means that it's because we're ashamed of where we are. Let me give this caveat. There are moments that we decide, hey, I want to reclaim some habits that were more beneficial to me in the past.

Yes. Approved. Make total sense. Give me a heart. If you're following what I'm saying in this conversation, Reclaiming habits that you know were in better alignment. Absolutely. But the difference is you don't want to feel like I need to be who I used to be, because you can't ever go back to that. You rise and you are different each day. Your thoughts, your insight, what you know. And yes, you can have times, Andrea, where you feel stuck and stop growing, because we're kind of in analysis, paralysis, trying to figure things out.

But when we are honoring who we are and we lean into Growth. We ask ourselves the question, who am I now? What have I learned? And how can I carry wisdom forward rather than shame? If you don't do anything else for me this week, Answer those questions. What do you know about who you are right now? You tell me one thing in this moment, what's something different that you're recognizing about yourself right now? In this season of life, in this season of relationships, in this season of responsibility, when you shift from returning to becoming, you stop striving to erase what happened, and instead you focus on integrating it.

You focus on, let me integrate what I've learned. Again, I'm going to pick on Audrey because I love her and I can. Integration when it comes even to our physical movement. Hello, Speak, Wonder. Thank you for hopping in. Then it's a dynamic where we recognize it doesn't have to look the same all the time. And if we show up and decide to walk instead of run, we have not lost anything. We have not lost ground. We have not lost ourselves. Right? But it is a definite element of recognizing we can focus on listening to our body, listening to our mind, and integrating what our mind, our body, and our spirit needs in any way.

Moment without apologies. Carlette, my heart goes out to you as you are heading into empty nest. That is definitely something different. All right, so three tangible tips for reclaiming balance to wrap up our time this morning. Number one, reframe the narrative. So ask yourself daily, what am I growing through, not just going through. Did you get that? What am I growing through, not just going through. Thank you, Audrey, for the permission. When we shift the word from growing, not going, we move away from being a victim.

We just focus on what we're going through. It creates this. Oh, my goodness, this is so hard. Poor me. Yes, maybe it is hard and maybe it is difficult for you, but growing through reminds you of your power. It reminds you of, I don't like this. I don't like this part of life. I don't like what's happening right now. However, it is helping me grow. If you're navigating it the right way, not in avoidance. And all the things, all of our difficult moments and our great moments are an opportunity for growth.

Second, tangible tip is ritualize reflection. I'm so big on that. Set aside five minutes daily to write or speak a sentence that starts with, today I became more. Let me tell you, if you ever want a powerful evening challenge, try that just before you go to bed. Spend about 5 minutes and reflect on today I became more resilient, more communicative. More restful, more peaceful. Today I became more assertive. And you might become something completely different the next day, but it's still reminding yourself that you are becoming.

The last thing that I would say is reclaim one space in your life. I want you to really think about this. Choose one area of life and focus on consistent small acts of investment there so that you are working to restore a sense of agency. Because often when we say I want to go back to what I am, it's not that you're saying that you need to be everything that you used to be. What you're really saying is you want to restore the strength, the freedom, the sense of power, the confidence that you felt.

You want to go back to a season of your life necessarily where there wasn't necessarily so much pain. And while that may not always be possible, the truth of the matter is that it is very possible for you to continue to become and to honor who you are now and integrate it in your life. And so when we move into a growth phase versus a go phase, we stop, we honor, we use skills, and we remind ourselves all is not ever lost. You are doing so much better in life than you give yourself credit for. Do you realize that?

I mean, seriously, do you realize that is difficult as you may think some areas of your life are? As much as you may think you're not doing well here, or as much as you may be sitting in a level of regret, or even as good as you think you're doing, you're doing better than you even give yourself credit for. Because, and I know that even without knowing everything about your life, because we're hard on ourselves for no reason. So I need you to give yourself a pat on the back and say, hey, you're doing good.

You're here. You showed up for yourself, showing up for others, you're continuing to stay hopeful and joyful. If you chose to spend time in this space together with me, that says a lot about who you're becoming and how you're being intentional and how you're investing in yourself. I want you to leave here with that message, right? I want you to leave here with. You have every opportunity to step into a season of your best self. Your best is not behind you. All is not lost. And whatever you're feeling that's making you uncomfortable right now, I promise it is not going to last forever.

As always, thank you so much for coming and spending some time with me this morning. Next week I will be in Paris, so I need to figure out times that I can talk to you. That isn't gonna be like 3 o' clock in the morning there. So I will find times for Sunday and next Wednesday sometime over the next day or two. So just pay attention. It'll be a little bit different than our normal times, but I'm not gonna miss an opportunity to see you. Have a good rest of the week. See you soon. It.