Live w/ Dr.Charryse 🧠: “Why Freedom Matters To Mental Health”

Hello, Cody Sphere. Welcome to another live with Dr. Shareease. I'm so glad that you chose to come and spend a little time with me. I am not yet sweltering, but it is pretty humid here in Charlotte, North Carolina. Come in, make yourself comfortable, let me know where you are in the world and rate your week. For me, our little regulation tip tool that we use to kind of sit back and check in and go, where am I? How am I really feeling? How am I doing? Right? If I had to rate myself this week, I would give myself a solid six.

And for me, considering I'm coming off of travel and all the things, I'll take a six. It's something to continue to work on and to work towards. And I know some of you, this is really great from being able to see your name. So I'm going to go ahead and say good morning, Georgia. Good morning from Erie, Pennsylvania. Again, it never gets old to remind ourselves that we're not alone and that we're joining in and collectively working on our hearts and our minds and our spirits in every way possible this month.

Hello, Virginia. We've been talking about freedom, and I know the month just got started and freedom can kind of feel like a touchy subject. Some people are like, I think it's cliche or why is this really important? Why is this valuable? I want to tell you a quick story. Yes. Speak wonder we are not alone. I was talking to my daughter recently and she asked me a question specifically about when you've had really difficult things happen to you or people have said things in particular to you that really hurt, how do you free yourself from the pain of those interactions?

Right. Send some. You know, if you've been through that before, someone has said something to you, you've had a tough experience and you feel like, man, this is really sitting on me and it's really difficult. Then do a little heart notification. So I know that, you know, our hearts are aligning on this topic, but I think we can all say that we've been there. So one of the things that I mentioned to her was we can't spend a million years trying to figure out why someone treated us the way that they did.

That is a question that you cannot answer. Hello, Jadyn from Philly. But what you can do, or I should say, Jaden's mommy. Good morning, Luke. What you can do is really consider for yourself, what am I saying to myself. Because true freedom means that we are able to separate how other people may view us. Those experiences, the things that we're doing that don't line up with what we desire and we're able to separate that from what we believe about ourselves. So opening quote here for you. Freedom is not found in the absence of struggle.

It is discovered in the presence of permission. The permission to be, to feel and to grow. Gave you that quote last week and I want us to continue to build on it. Here's why freedom matters to your mental health. Freedom is more than a political or a physical state. It's a psychological experience of safety, of agency. Meaning that you have the opportunity and the freedoms to move through life the way you like, through and through. Authenticity, a little bit of neuroscience. Because what is life without a little bit of neuroscience and mental health?

You've heard me talk a lot about our prefrontal cortex, right? It's responsible for our decision making and our self regulation. When we feel psychologically free, this region is more active. So that means the choices that we make are going to be more thoughtful and more grounded and more calm. The level of clarity that we're looking for is there. Where in contrast is if you're in a state where you feel powerless or that you don't have agency or you're feeling a lot of pressure, you're trying to live up to the demands of other people and not giving yourself the freedom to do things the way you really feel in your gut, they need to be done, then the amygdala, our fear center, is going to be activated and that's going to keep your body in a heightened state of stress.

A fight, flight, freeze. And that's going to impair your mental clarity and your emotional regulation. Side question, put it in the chat, let me know. Steph Irwin, we've missed you too, so much and glad you're back. Where is your level of mental clarity right now? Right. If you stop for a moment and you think about the level of mental clarity that you're operating off of or through, what are you experiencing, what are you noticing? Right. And then let's honor and acknowledge that mental clarity is going to look different for each person.

It can change throughout the day. You might start off the day and feel really clear about something, then something happens, then someone says something, then you see something on another social media platform and your level of clarity begins to diminish. I'll say as a side note, one of the things that I just am so grateful for when it comes to the kaju sphere and being in this space is my clarity has room to flow in the kajosphere because I'm Engaging with you, I'm engaging with other contributors.

I'm listening to things that I choose. I have agency to decide what comes my way. Nothing comes my way in this space other than what I choose. And so when I'm not being inundated with all of these different flashes of opinions, then it gives me an opportunity to go, yeah, what do I. I really think and what do I really believe? Which always adds to my clarity. So I also want you to consider that when we spend too much time in spaces that are conflicting and overwhelming and overstimulating, it actually diminishes our freedom.

I also love to think about freedom as flow, right? Clarity, freedom, psychological freedom means that there's a flow, there's an access. Things don't flow, feel stuck or heavy. You're not shouldering things that are beyond what you need to carry. When we feel free as well to express our emotions, to question what we believe or make empowered decisions, it's going to reduce our anxiety and our depressive symptoms. So if you're a person that ever experiences anxiety or tends to lean toward being anxious, I want you to kind of stick this in your toolbox and ask yourself, what's impacting my flow of energy right now?

What's impacting my flow of thought? Anxiety is often this rapid pace of energy that feels like it has nowhere to go. It's feeling compressed. So are you doing something? Are you engaging with someone? Are you taking in too many opinions instead of spending that centered, clear time listening to your own voice? Because often when we pull away from the crowd and we pull away from the overwhelm, and we just sit and listen and meditate for a moment and write down our goals and remind ourselves of our why.

Clarity can come back to the surface, but we have to guard it all right, Here's a few signs that you're not living free, right? A few subtle signs of internal constraint. One, you're constantly saying yes out of fear or rejection. And maybe you can even kind of put a little tally mark for yourself, just for yourself, if you notice any of these and will kind of give you an opportunity to rate yourself at the end of these. Another one is feeling guilty for resting. Who's experienced that risk recently?

Feeling guilty for resting is actually a sign that you're not living free, because rest is a part of our agency. It's a part of our authenticity. It allows us to show up well. But if we feel guilty about not being constantly productive, then we're not free to choose what honors our needs. 3. Believing you must earn love, rest, happiness or acceptance. When you think about that, believing you must earn love, rest, happiness or acceptance is a sign that you are living in some kind of constraint. Next one.

This is a big one. Overthinking decisions due to fear of being wrong is a significant sign that you are not free. Now don't get me wrong, I realize that we all have a level of thought, we all have a level of analysis that we go through, right? Because we want to make the best decision possible. But once you've been through your process and you've talked with mentors or people in your life that you trust and you've made the decision and then you're stuck still spending a significant amount of time in your head ruminating and overthinking, then you're not giving yourself the freedom to trust yourself and to trust that you don't have to be perfect.

And then the last one is replaying should narratives based on other people's expectations. If we are aligning ourselves with what other people desire over what we know is true for ourselves and how we work and our gifts and our purpose, then there's going to be some constraint there. So it was constantly saying yes out of fear of rejection, feeling guilty for resting, believing you must earn love, rest, happiness or acceptance. Overthinking decisions due to fear of being wrong or replaying should narratives based on others expectations.

So reflection prompt for you? You can put your answer in the chat. I would love to hear it or continue to reflect on this outside of our where in your life are you mistaking obligation for value and compliance for connection? It's kind of a tough question, but really think about that. Where are you living according to just this big set of rules that you set and you're basing your value on whether or not you're following through with your checklist. And where are you confusing compliance with connection?

Oh, I'm doing what they want and I'm hoping that means that we're good. Whereas you want to be in relationships where you know that you're good even when you're not doing what other people want. Right? You know, I think for myself I'm a naturally non compliant person and I'm not a rule breaker, but I have this natural part of me that does not comply if I think it will require me to walk in rigidity or resistance. So I'm definitely going to give that question some thought. But I can say off of the list where I just gave you around signs of not living free.

I have moments where I can not Give myself enough permission to rest. Because in my head I might think, well, this is the amount of rest that I'm supposed to need. And my body's like, I don't care what you say. If you want the freedom to get back up and do the things that you are called to do and purpose to do, you need more. So, yeah, career and family life can be one, especially when you are a core part of your family. You can feel like you get into moments where you are spending so much time doing what everybody needs that you're neglecting to experience a sense of freedom and agency in your own life.

And it can be challenging to balance. Yes, speak, wonder, it's okay to be stuck. Thank you for being able to acknowledge that and working to believe that you don't have to live in the mold that other people impose for you. Give yourself permission to break out of that. I know that you deserve something different. I want to leave you with a few tangible tools that you can use to cultivate internal freedom. I want to give you three 1. Name the narrative, identify one belief that you are holding on to that is restricting your freedom.

Things like, I can't slow down or I'll fall behind or I never do this well enough and people will see me for who I am. Those statements that really are negative and critical to you and really ask yourself, well, whose voice is this and does it serve me to listen to this mindset and this belief? You have to be willing to voice it, to write it, to reframe it. 2. Practice permission slips. I love this one. So write daily or situational permission slips. I give myself permission to pause. I give myself permission to say no without explanation.

And I'm going to push you right here. Before you leave this live, I would like everyone who is here live or on the replay, whether you commented anything or given a notification or not to write a permission slip in the chat. I give myself permission to and fill in the blank. And I'm gonna wait and I'm gonna pause and give you a moment to think about where you need to give yourself permission. And it doesn't have to be a forever permission. The skill is a daily permission slip. Each day will let you know where you need to give yourself permission.

And you can do it multiple times per day, right? For some of you, if it's early in your day, it's 7:15 EST right now. You know, for me, I give myself permission to pace myself. Today my mind woke up and immediately started with all of these things that I want to get done Because I've been gone and, you know, now I'm past jet lagging, right? And then it's like, okay, wait. I'm giving myself permission to pace myself today so that I can make steps with clarity. I love it. I give myself permission to say no, as the young people do.

I am for that. Where else are you giving yourself permission? I give myself permission to cry when I feel the need. That is so good. I was actually talking to someone the other day who was like, I feel like I could cry at any given moment. This is weird. Awful. I was like, that's a good thing. That means something needs to be released. I give myself permission to say no on the extra demands on my time. Yes. I give myself permission. So a lot of us, it sounds like, need to say no. Here's another one.

Oh, it's so good. I give myself permission to make time for me. Yes. That is where freedom is cultivated. All right, continue with those. Oh, I give myself permission to feel sad right now. That's a good one. I could use that one as well. These are so powerful. I give myself permission to pause. I give myself permission to rest as long as I need, right? Not like, okay, I have enough. I had to do that yesterday. It was hard and it took a friend saying like, ma', am, have several seats, sit down and give yourself permission to rest.

Your body's letting you know you need. And then the third tangible tip is to anchor to authenticity. That means choose one value, one thing that you value that helps you feel free and really build a boundary or a decision around it so that there's a level of congruence that you're able to live in alignment. Alright, let's do a little mini mindfulness. Reset to close. Take a moment, close your eyes or open them and look at something around your space. Inhale deeply and think. I am free to feel. Exhale slowly and think.

I am free to grow. And then repeat twice more. I am free to rest. I am free to ask. I am free to change. And I'll do that one more time. Inhale deeply and think. I am free to feel. Exhale slowly and think. I'm free to grow. And then repeat twice more. I am free to rest. I am free to ask. I am free to change. Closing thought. You cannot heal in a cage. Internal freedom is the first breath of transformation. So this week, I want you to continue to give yourself daily permission slips. I want you to choose an area of your life where you will stop waiting for permission and ask yourself, what does freedom look like?

In my mental space and what small step can I take to honor that vision? As always, I'm so glad that you chose to come and spend this time today together. It is always an honor to be here. Just as much as I feel like I'm pouring into you, I say things that also encourage me. You are not alone. You are not alone. You're always welcome here. You're always welcome back. Come back to this space and get whatever you need. Between myself and the other contributors, but most importantly, please take care of yourself and remind yourself that you are free to be you.

I look forward to seeing all of you in a few days. Have a great one.