Coffee Chats with Dr. D

Hey, Cadre, it's me, Dr. D. I'm here and I have a confession to make. My cup is empty. I just got out of a session and I've been in back to back meetings and I didn't get a chance to refill my cup. So we're having a coffee chat. But there's no coffee today. But that's okay. I did have some this morning, so I'm doing all right. Thank you for joining and let me know if you're new here to my coffee chat. Please let me know where you're located. So for those of you who have never been Here, I am Dr.

Leslie Davis. I am a relationship therapist based out of Illinois, and I also serve clients in Missouri, and I'm near the St. Louis region. So I'm like, right across the border in the Illinois side. But I want to talk about, you know, celebrating ourselves and thinking about spaces where we go to be celebrated and where can we go to celebrate others? So I want to share an experience I just had this past weekend. So for those of you who don't know, I train Jiu jitsu. I know it's a hard word to say, Jiu jitsu.

So I am a four stripe blue belt. I'm right on the cusp of getting my purple. I know I probably have said that so many times, but. Hi, Nikki. But I am. I just recently changed gems just a few months ago for a very important reason. And it was because I needed to go somewhere where I was celebrated. So that decision to leave a space that I was so loyal to for eight and a half years was a very tough decision. But I'm so glad I made a decision to go elsewhere. And I see it as, you know, there's no hard feelings for the other gym that I was a part of, but it was time for me to go.

And sometimes you get to that point in life where you feel like it's just time to exit, and sometimes we have to be forced out. We have to be forced to make a decision that's actually better for ourselves. So there is a camp. It's a jujitsu camp, y' all. It's called Black Girl Assassin. And it is. I don't know what's going on. My hair. It is hosted by Black Woman Black Belt, which is a movement that this lady named Nicole started. And she was the only black female in her gym for the longest time.

And looking online, trying to find other black women that trained Jiu jitsu was something that was challenging. And I understand that because I Did the same thing. And I came across her page, thankfully, just to be years ago. But Nicole started this group, Black Woman Black Belt. And what she did was she intentionally found other black women who trained Jiu Jitsu, probably on Instagram. Most people don't post their stuff on Facebook anymore. And so she would highlight them, like highlight if they, you know, posted about their promotion or just something that they did in competition.

And so she would shout them out on her page. And what she ended up doing was creating a community that was safe for black women that trained Jiu Jitsu. Now, if you know nothing about Jiu jitsu, it is a martial art that is mostly male dominated, I would say. And so to be a female in Jiu Jitsu is very rare. There are some of us in our female population is growing fast. But to be a black female in Jiu Jitsu is even more rare. So to have a space where we could be celebrated together is very special.

And so I went to the Black Girl Assassin camp, and this is the third one, third annual camp. And this is my second time going. And I can't even describe how special that space was. It was a space where I could just be myself. I didn't have to hold back my. My strength, as they call it. And having strength in Jiu Jitsu is seen as a dis, just to let you know. So, yes, it is a beautiful thing to be strong, but when someone calls you strong in Jiu Jitsu, they're trying to undermine you, in a sense. But in this space, in a room full of black women who train Jiu jitsu, and not just black women.

Now let me also highlight this. They are black women who have black belts. Now, it's rare for women to have black belts, but to have a black woman that has a black belt is even more rare. And so it's just a beautiful space to be in, to be around women who have gone through trauma, have gone through all the trials of earning each belt and just being the example for the rest of us, but also giving us space to be ourselves. And it just felt so welcoming. And so I was in this space all weekend with these beautiful women.

And they are doctors, they're lawyers, there's nurses in there. There's so many high level individuals in this room that are coming together for a common goal, to train Jiu jitsu. And I just, I felt like I could be me. And I felt celebrated for who I am, not just what I do. And so that's a very rare occasion for me to be celebrated for who I am, not just what I do. And I don't know if you've ever experienced that, but what I want you to do is think of the spaces where you go to be celebrated. And this was something intentional that I did.

I was intentional on going to this space full of black women to be celebrated, to have a common understanding, a common experience. And it was. It's. I just. I really can't explain it. I have no words, really. I just know what it feels like, and it's just overwhelming. And I'm overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. But can you think of a space? And if you know what it is, you know, if it's with a group of friends or it's a space where maybe you're part of a sport or a hobby, and maybe it's an online group, maybe it's Cadre, maybe it's with family, maybe it's with just one person even.

But whatever space that is, if you can just drop that in the chat, where do you go to be celebrated for who you are, not just what you do? So I'll give you a moment to think about that. Where do you go to be celebrated for who you are, not just what you do? Okay, now there are other spaces I can go to as well to be celebrated. And sometimes I just need many moments of celebration, so I might connect with a friend just to share something that I'm experiencing to be celebrated. And sometimes I don't always get that, but in a larger group, it just feels different.

Right. So I hope that those of you that are tuning in that you experience the celebration at Cadre, because Cadre is a very special place. I've been talking about it all the time lately. I think how we all connect with different content creators here, where we join in, in different lives. And I want to thank everyone that comes here to my coffee chat because this is a special place for us to connect. And I accept your. Your attendance as a celebration. So thank you. But I also want to flip this.

I always like to look at, you know, both sides of the coin. So not only, you know, thinking about where do you go to be celebrated, but where do you go to celebrate others? Where have you found yourself? And maybe it wasn't intentional that that happened, but you've been in spaces where you have been able to celebrate someone else and you've given them that special moment. So if I think about myself, where do I go to celebrate others? Usually I find myself in spaces where I'm mentoring someone and being a mentor is.

I don't know if you guys have had this experience of being a mentor, but it's not always something that you go out and choose to do. You're not necessarily seeking someone to mentor. Usually they find you, they ask you, or maybe you make this connection where you. You see that you can give to that person because you see a part of yourself in them and maybe been where they are and you know how to help them. And so you end up just naturally becoming their mentor. And. Or maybe they just continue to ask you questions or ask you for feedback, and you're able to give them that space of, you know, amplifying their gifts, or you are celebrating them in a way that you're able to call out and maybe give them a nugget, really, of what's possible for them.

So what spaces do you go to to celebrate others? Do you attend birthday parties? Do you attend anniversary parties? Birthday weddings? Oh, and I was just at a wedding, y' all. Let me tell you about it. I actually went to my friend's wedding this past week. So the day before this camp that I'm telling you about, my friend from Jiu Jitsu, I actually hooked him up with one of my friends, and they got married. So that was a space where I was able to celebrate them. I think going to any special event that someone invites you to is a space for you to enter where you can celebrate someone.

Because showing up, it matters, y' all. I don't know if y' all have had this experience where you invited someone to something important to you. Maybe it was a birthday party or an anniversary party, and they didn't come for whatever reason. Maybe it wasn't anything personal. They just didn't show up. But how does that feel? It doesn't always feel good. And so when you are able to show up to someone's event, big or small, it matters, and it's a way for you to celebrate someone. So two big things for those.

I'm just going to recap for you for those who just joined in. But think about spaces where you go to be celebrated by others, but also what spaces do you enter so you can celebrate other people not just for what they do, but for who they are. Okay, so that's all I got. I'm gonna go get a refill because look at this. The cup is empty, and I don't like it. I have to have a full cup every day. So I'm gonna go get a refill of my coffee. But I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I'll catch you next week.