Scheduling Our Mental Breakdown

Hello, welcome. My name is Brittany Hagan. I'm one of the contributors here at Cadre. And yeah, I've had a year. I've had a. Just like most of you, I've had one of those years where you're like, things. Things got intense. That's why, like, I kind of fell in love with the idea of scheduling my mental breakdown. Now this was. I have to give credit where credit is due. I have a radio show and a co host whose name is Kendall. It's the Brittany and Kendall Show. I'm the Britney and the Brittany and Kendall Show.

And I've been having a really rough year. I went through a divorce move, a big loss and things were really hard. Right? Like things were really dark and really hard. To which my co host, we talk a lot because we talk three hours on air and we do our show prep and all the things. She turned to me one day and said, have you scheduled your mental breakdown? And it really stuck with me in a way that I was like. Like, I know she was trying to be funny, but it was really a powerful sentiment because she acknowledged, she acknowledged kind of what I was going through in a way that was like, you can fall apart and you should allow yourself to fall apart.

But basically knows how important the show, my kid, my move, all the things that are in my life that it was like, have we taken the time to like, think about when we're going to show that weakness, when we're going to fall apart? And I thought that was so intriguing. It stuck with me. It's been like five months since she said this and I keep having this thought of like, how. How do I use that? Or how. How is that helpful? How's that sentence? Hey, Nikki. And hey, we've got Amara as well. Hey, hey, guys.

But seriously, I want to acknowledge when you're struggling can be a very powerful thing to acknowledge it. And then on top of it, how do we. How do we schedule a healthy. Way back in the day when I was hardcore, my drinking, I would let everything bottle up and then it would come out whatever way that my. I didn't choose, I didn't make those decisions. And I think that's so interesting because now that I am a more deliberate person who I want to still let the sadness out, let the grief out, let the pain out.

But I don't want it to interfere fear with like the progress I'm making in my life. So scheduling our mental breakdown, which I'm pretty sure Kadrae is going to email me and be like, you can't tell people to have, like, schedule. But, yeah, you kind of can. A lot of us say we're good when we're not. That's just kind of what we're meant to do. But it is so important, as me, as a veteran in life and sobriety and adulthood, we learn that we can all. We can't push things down all the time. Now, obviously, a lot of us have jobs.

A lot of us have careers and goals, and we're out in the real world shopping at Costco, and that's, like, not the time to lose it. And I'm like, there has to be other people that feel this way. And I started thinking about it. Lifetime original movies, Taylor Swift's whole Tortured Poets album, Gracie Abrams whole career. You guys, we've been doing this thing for so long. We've been letting out the sadness at appropriate times to help us deal with every bump and bruise that we have in our life. So it's not like it doesn't already exist.

It's just kind of formally setting yourself up to deal with it. I have a song I cannot listen to unless I know I want a ball cry and you better believe that bad boy gets played in parking lots as I cry maybe, like, parked a little farther away from everyone because it's a thing, right? Like, it's just kind of putting a name to it. It's like our cup can only be full so much with grief or stress and things until you say, I need to, like, release this in some way. And again, like, that doesn't make you less than.

It doesn't really. There's really no value you can put on the fact that, like, you're a human and have to deal with something like that. But let's not try to have that thing bring negatives to the stuff. We're really trying to grow. And that's making it, you know, like. Like, I work in an office. Even though I work in radio, I work in an office now, if every day. I mean, my office knew, like, a lot of things I was going, because we're a women's talk radio show. But still, every day, if somebody's, hey, is this computer?

Is this printer out of toner? And I'm like, I'm figuring things out. Like, that's not helpful to anybody. Anybody, not even me. It's not even helpful to me because I'm having. Now I'm kind of putting myself out there in a situation where I'm being very vulnerable to people who, I don't know, want to Protect my heart. And then on top of it, putting a lot on them, changing the atmosphere at work. You don't know what they're going through there. So that's the idea. Now, here's the. Another powerful thing.

This is what Kendall did for me. She named it the power of naming it. Be it ourselves naming it, or being somebody else naming it that you're going through a lot. You're going through a lot. Most people on this app are going through a lot. They're going through something. I mean, we all know you don't bring your car in to the freaking mechanic when it's running. Like a. I'm not a car person. Like a cougar. When it's. Like, when your car is working well, you don't bring in to the mechanic. You usually don't come to a mental health app when things are 100%.

I know I didn't find myself in these rooms because things are absolutely perfect, and I shouldn't change anything. So naming it is super powerful. Sometimes the bravest thing you can say is, like, I'm not okay. And, like, some people really deal with that. I'm not okay. Because if you need to put the caveat, I'm not okay, but I'm gonna be. Sometimes I have to do that. Like, things are hard right now, but they won't always be this hard. Sometimes I have to do that because I'm like. I call it toxic positivity.

I'm like somebody. My brain constantly wants to go to a place of super positive. So I'm not okay, period. That's all you want to end it. I'm not okay in this moment. I'm not okay right now, but I will be is another thing that I say a lot on runs when I'm running and I'm feeling some sort of ways, I'm like, I'm not okay, but I will be. I'm not okay, but I will be. It's like scheduling that pressure release before your brain, before your brain stages a mutiny. Right? So we've named it. We're gonna plan our game plan around how we make this productive.

So naming your mental breakdown out loud for yourself or others, it takes a lot of the shame out of it too, right? Like, I'm disgustingly honest, like, to a fault. Again, I'm still working on, like, when and where I share myself, because it's a privilege for me to give stuff. It's also a burden for other people sometimes, so I'm working on that. But I do think that a lot of times, the thing that you're doing is something other people have experienced, but, like, there's not a lot of verbiage around there.

People think that I am. I wouldn't say that your normal person would confess to crying in a lifetime parking lot. But guess what? I have and probably will again. Like, I'm fine with that. For me, that's not even really putting myself out there. I think that's, like, again, time and place. I wouldn't go to, like, the CEO of my company and be like, I just cried in the parking lot. But, like, if somebody you're close to, if you can inform them, like, I just need to cry to a Taylor Swift song, I don't think that's the craziest thing to do.

And I do feel like naming it for yourself and others is super powerful. I think that something really amazing and this is all stemming from somebody in my life that I'm close with. Kendall, who I do a show with, said to me, have we scheduled our mental breakdown yet? And I know she was joking, but she was doing. And also a seriousness of, like, I'm acknowledging that time is really hard for you right now and that you deserve a space where you can scream, cry, but, like, you also want to. She knew that I want to build our radio show.

I want to be productive. I want to be successful. And so she's naming the thing, right? So, like, if you see somebody struggling, I mean, maybe you aren't as an loller as me and Kendall and say, have you scheduled your mental breakdown yet? But maybe you're like, I really hope you're making time for yourself or even just something simple, man, things are really hard right now, and it's gotta be hard. And you don't have to put anything beyond that. That is a very powerful sentiment you can give somebody is, like, just acknowledging that they're going through something right now.

And it's really weird because it's like, I didn't even want to talk about it. When Kendall had said how we'd scheduled our mental breakdown yet, I wasn't in a place to be, like, let's chat about it. I was in a place of thank you for seeing that things are hard for me right now. Thank you for seeing that. And I mean, like, I'd say, like, 40% of the stressors felt better. Not a hundred. Nobody's gonna take away a hundred. That's gonna be time and work and effort. But it's crazy how, like, that little joke that meant probably nothing to her.

I mean, I'VE even texted her today saying like, this thing has stuck with me. I want to tell you about how this affected me in a positive way. And she's like, oh, I'm excited to hear it again. That's that breakdown buddy that'll help you along the way if you need it to kind of like be verbalize that to know kind of what steps to call. And of course, if you need something more, you should say that. And I'm very serious. If you're in a place of. Things are really hard for me and I'm not seeing that future that I normally see.

Please, please, please, please tell on yourself. And the first key to telling on yourself for something big like that is telling on yourself when they're smaller stuff. And it's so important because you'd be surprised. You'd be surprised. I live in Minnesota. We are very stoic and my mom is probably my favorite person in the whole world. You have to hit her with a brick to tell her, like, I'm struggling, I need help. I pretty much have to say that to her. I am struggling, I need help. And actually when I say that, you pretty much have to.

You literally have to. Because she's the type. If I'm like, I've got a lot going on right now. She's like, yeah, girl, make sure you get a run in, you know? So like, she is the type. And you, most people, lot of people in your life might be the type that need you to just say, things are hard right now and I need your help or I'm not seeing the future or I have suicidal thoughts. Whatever escalation that you are at, you need to verbalize it. You just do. Because people can't read your mind. And you're probably better at masking than you even realize.

You know, masking is the art of like, things are great. Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally is. You're like, I don't want to do this anymore. So. And this isn't for pity. This is for when you're at a point where you're battling, battling with whatever you're dealing with, battling with yourself, battling with the day to day life. You're not a burden, you're a human. People a lot of times just don't know what you're going through. And again, like, I think that be that same person for other people. Like, I always think about it in reverse every time I'm like, but I'm struggling, but I don't want to verbalize it because I don't want to be a burden.

To somebody and I think about how I would feel if somebody had that thought in reverse. I would break my heart to think like they're not coming to me because they think they're going to be a burden. So. All right, let's talk about if we decide if we're somehow put together enough to push off our mental breakdown. And let's think about creative ways to have our mental breakdown, Helpful ways to have our mental breakdown. First off, my favorite all time frickin favorite. I love crying. Love it. I mean there, like I said, there's a whole industry built around it.

We have Lifetime original movies, we have sad movies, we have the Notebook, we have and I mean not even stereotypical. Watch Freaky. Oh my girl. There's music, there's things like that. Cry. Just freaking cry already. Cry alone. Cry in your car. Cry. It's really, I've tested it. You can cry almost anywhere. I mean, like I said, I think it's more helpful to cry somewhere if you have a little bit of privacy. Just like to save your heart from like a stare down or something awkward because people don't really know how to deal with it.

But if you're like, I'm driving right now. Pull into a freaking parking lot and cry, a big one for me sometimes can swing to the unhealthy side. I like to move my body, be it a scheduled walk. If I have time. If I don't have time for something, maybe it's like a freaking dance. Throw on a song in dance. Or push ups. I know push ups seem so insane and like nobody ever chooses to do them, but there's something like really magical about like the penance of push ups. Okay, let's write it down. Let's write it down.

I also heard something super powerful this week. The thing you are ignoring is the thing you are giving power to. So if you're like denying yourself this mental breakdown or denying the self this morning or this screaming, this loss, then you are actually giving it power. That's the thing that you are actually putting time and energy to because your brain has to work hard to not do the thing. It's like, have you ever had like an assignment for work or school and instead of doing that, you end up cleaning the house or laundry or cleaning the gutters or like something you don't even need to do.

Like all of a sudden you're repaving your driveway. That's because your brain is working extra hard to ignore it. So the thing that you are actively ignoring, doing, you have no idea how much power you are actually giving that thing. Think about that. So just do the thing. Journal. That's a good one. Write the thing down. Write the list of reasons your life sucks, that you're struggling, that you're having a hard time, that, like, things are not working. Make a list. Make a list of why everything is the worst.

Cry over that list. Read that list. Hold it near and dear. Acknowledge all those things. Right, of course. Like my fate. One of my favorite things, because you can tell, is I like talking about, like, talking to people I trust. I like talking to a few different people. There's the people that I know will agree with me. There's the people I know that will question me. There's the people I know that will challenge me. But I like bringing it to my people. I think it's important to talk again. This is that piece of, like, you're not trying to bring your life to a harder place.

So, like, maybe you don't pick Jason from accounting. You know, you don't know him. This is a work thing. So, like, find somebody maybe not in your work life that will really help kind of feel you through this harder time. And then just remember, self care isn't just bubble baths. It's not just for the girly girls. It's not just for the pigtails and cuteness. Self care is for all of us. Like, I want to say Taylor Swift is for all of us, but, like, I know that, like, that's a polarizing person. But, like, sad music is for all of us.

Crying is for all of us. Our bodies all do it for a reason. These things are for all of us. This isn't just for, you know, the girly girl who has the matching pajama set and the bubbles balling. And having a mental breakdown is for all of us. So let's kind of hit up on what we talked about. Naming the thing. You're going through a hard time. Things are rough. Acknowledging that you need to release it in whatever way that will help you be productive. And, like, in a way that will not bring back the things that you are working so hard to build up your confidence and, like, goals that you were trying to achieve.

So, like, let's figure out a way to have our mental breakdown or our, you know, letting out steam in a way that is not going to bring down the things we are working on and feeling good about ourselves. And then last but not least, like, do the thing. Be corny. Do the thing. Put on sad music. Make the list. Call the people. Trust me, it helps. So I wish you well on scheduling your mental breakdown. I hope that it absolutely coincides with mine and maybe we'll be both be at in a parking lot in the back bawling.

You don't have to do Taylor Swift, but I definitely will be all right. Cadre, I adore you. Hey, Ms. Shannon. I love you. Ms. Shannon and I work together as well, so I hope everything this weekend aligns with what your goals are. Byeee.