When Anger Is Your Fuel

Hey, Cadre family doctor Kerry here streaming live today from 29 palms, California. Don't have my fancy tech equipment, so forgive me, I'm just holding my phone here, sitting in my fiance's apartment helping him pack up, actually. So that's where I'm live today. But that's the beauty of being live on, Cadre, is that I can do this from anywhere and just wanted to do some coaching with you guys today. I am Doctor Carey. I am a creator and coach on Cadre and we're going to do some coaching through anger.

And I feel qualified to talk about this today because I've experienced a lot of anger lately and I actually really allowed anger to be my fuel and just kind of drive me over the past several weeks. So we're going to talk about that and unpack that together and hopefully this will resonate with you guys. So feel free to chime in on comments if this is speaking to you, if you've ever experienced this. But what happened is it started with somebody who I trusted and they hurt me deeply. And that's really what kind of like started this spiral of me being angry.

And you have two options when something like this happens. Well, really, three if you want to have a healthier option. But you can be hurt, you can be in a victim mindset. Oh, woe is me. This person hurt me. I trusted them. It's hurtful. Or you can be angry. And at the root of anger is hurt ultimately, because that's really the source of why you're angry, is because you were betrayed, you were hurt, something happened that probably justifies anger, right? Like, there's not to say that you shouldn't be angry.

And so this, this happened several weeks ago and I was really deeply hurt. And so I got really angry at this person and then this just kind of like started a compounding effect of being angry at a lot of people. And I was getting offended, I was getting hurt. I mean, legitimate things that actually ended up making somebody angry. But I found I just was kind of in this place of constant anger. And if you understand anger and you're, I mean, like, for me, I, for example, I'm not somebody who's really very angry.

I am a pretty calm, even keeled demeanor. But anger can be a fuel. Anger can feel good at times, especially when it's justified and there's a reason that you're angry and it can actually give you like, a motivation and a confidence and drive you to make success, progress and things. So, like, it can be a good emotion and a lot of people like to stay angry and allow it to be their fuel because it makes them productive, especially when they're in a place of constantly being victimized. But ultimately, at the root of it, you still have some undealt hurt.

And it eventually is. It's not sustainable, right. To hold onto this anger as your fuel. And some people who struggle with, like, an anger addiction could tell you that, oh, yeah, I enjoy feeling angry. It makes me feel empowered. It makes me feel like I can accomplish things rather than just sitting, you know, in a place of depression and despair. But it doesn't last because it's not a healthy emotion to stay inside your body. And it can actually start to break down. It can actually have negative health effects.

So it causes increased cortisol, it can cause digestive issues, sleep issues. And it just, if you let it run, it just, it just kind of takes over. And then you become somebody who's negative complaining. And for me, the real key factor that I started noticing is I was easily offended. So I started, like, listing off all of these offenses that had happened to me and all these people and all these situations that caused me to be angry. And I thought normally these wouldn't cause me to be this angry.

So what is happening? I am actually really easily offended these days because I still have this root of anger and bitterness in my heart towards this one event that happened. And then things just compounded on top of it, which ultimately led to unhealthy patterns and, you know, like sleeping issues, stress issues, just things that, like, are not healthy long term. So I had to really get to the root of it and understand I have this bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart, and it's going to stay there until I address it.

So if this resonates with you today, I want to walk you through a very, very simple exercise on how to release this. Because even though it is fueling you and empowering you, anger is not a healthy emotion to keep inside. This is something you want to let out. Maybe you go like I used to, in college, I used to go to the gym and, like, punch the punching bag for like 15 minutes until my arms felt like they were gonna fall off. Maybe you go for a run. Maybe you do something more relaxing, like you take a bath, you just, you do some meditation, whatever it is for you, you need to let the anger kind of run its course through your body.

For me, that involves something physical, and so let it come out. Scream, yell. I choose to swear a lot, which is not something I do on a regular basis. But I raise my voice, I swear I talk to somebody that I can confide in that's not gonna judge me. And I just say, I'm upset about this, this f this, f that, and just kind of, like, let it come out. But then you have to choose to set it aside and then do this exercise, which is so not fun, but it's so easy. And that is saying, I forgive blank. I forgive that person.

I forgive that situation. And you really just allow those words to kind of wash over you and say, I forgive so and so. And you know what? I don't want them to fuel me anymore. I don't want to be easily offended anymore. So I'm going to say that out loud. And lately, it's been daily for me to say this out loud, but it's made me so much more even keel back to my normal self. And now I can say that I've lost some motivation, maybe because I no longer have this anger as my fuel, but what I have now is a piece of.

And really, when you let anger stay inside of you, you're robbing yourself of peace. So I just want to encourage you to try it. Try saying, I forgive and list a name. Maybe you have to list several names. And if you're like me, because this has been built up for so long, you might have to do it daily or multiple times a day, because lately when I realized that I've been easily offended by someone or something again, I just immediately start saying that out loud. I forgive this, and I no longer want this to have control over my heart, over my mind, over my body.

And I just want to let this go. So I encourage you to try it. It's so important. I agree, Luke. It's a gift we have. It's a gift we can give ourselves and other people. There's so much more we could talk about on the topic of forgiveness. But I just want you to try this and let me know how it goes, because you don't want to stay angry forever. It's not healthy, and it really is just only eating at you. So I would encourage you to try it. Let me know how it goes. But thanks for tuning in with me and listening to my story today, guys.

Take care.