Comedy Through The Chaos

Hello and happy Thursday, Cadre Sphere. I hope that this week is treating you well so far. If it is not, shame on it, not shame on you. I am Ms. Shannon Paul. I am a comedian, corporate speaker, voice actor, event emcee and benefit auctioneer that hubs out of the great state of Minnesota. I am also the proud parent of an adorable 17-year-old boy who happens to be high supports on the autism spectrum, which brings me to Caregiver Thursdays and why I try to join you for this edition of Comedy Through the Chaos.

I am in my vehicle right now. It's been a busy day and a day that I think makes... Hi, Nikki. How are you? Hey, Speak Wonder. Hey, good to see you. Thank you very much for tapping that screen. I appreciate that. Hi. So today was a very appropriately caregiver-y complex day for me here because it's one of those times of year where I get kind of busy as far as work goes. It's what I like to call fall event and gala season. So the way it worked to yesterday and today is yesterday I had an event that I was supposed to go at and be the emcee and the auctioneer for.

and I needed to be there at 10 o'clock central time and if all goes well, I normally drop my kiddo off at 9:00 and Then that would be fine. And so yesterday I had all fingers crossed I was trying to send good vibes out into the universe that we would launch appropriately and even though we had a couple of start and stops We did launch well yesterday and I was able to get him to school He had a good day at school. I was able to go and do my event. Hello you as well, Speak Wonder. I was speaking about you last night.

I'm going to get to that in a second. And so I made it to the event yesterday and I considered myself fortunate. Now, to make it a little more complicated, today I had an event that was a little farther away of a drive from where my kiddo goes to school. And instead of starting at 10, it started at 9:30. So I had my sister who watches him when I'm working on deck in case we were in failed to launch mode. this morning. And this morning I went in and I checked on him and he was doing that adorable sleep really hard thing that 17 year olds have a tendency to do.

And so even though I tried to like politely poke at him and get him moving, he did not seem like he was going to get moving in an efficient manner. So I called an audible and had my sister just watch him. I was like, can you watch him while I'm working? He's not going to make it to school today because it's not worth me sending him, in my opinion, dysregulated versus just getting him there just for the sake of getting him there. I'd rather get him there when he can be. Thriving and so he got to stay home today with auntie and they haven't called me to say anything went wrong And so I'm gonna talk to you and then I'm gonna head home and reset the family.

Actually, I think that's wrong I need to head to the grocery store and refuel his provisions his favorite tea that he is into right now That is what I need to do So before I get to today though since speak wonder is here speak wonder last night at the event that I was at there was a lovely woman who had a sweater with a lot of nautical themed things on it and specifics a lot of lighthouses and other things and I told them I have a friend who I think of often when I see anything nautical related because she talks about harbor pilots and harbors often so I thought of you and I need to find out where she got that sweater because for some reason I feel like it would look wonderful on you so I will ask her kind of thing it turns out that she actually does some things in northern Minnesota.

So she said if I ever want to go sailing, I can go up there because they have a boat kind of thing. And so I will keep that in mind. So yes, it was very, very, very nautical. And it just seemed like I could see you wearing it in your live stream and it just being completely on brand. So if I reconnect with her, I will find out where she got that sweater. Or you could probably just Google Lighthouse sweaters and see. But it was lovely and it made me think of you dear friend. So today, as we continue our conversations about the concept of safety, what I would like to talk about are safe spaces versus brave spaces.

And I do appreciate that we are trying to move towards situations where we are able to have brave, complex conversations and move into brave, complex situations. But I also believe that we need to make sure that we are in our variety of safe spaces first. So in my house, a lot of time what safe spaces look like are also restful spaces. So we have a lot of what I call nests in the house and I'm not the only one that calls them that, so does my kiddo. So a lot of times if he starts to get dysregulated or anything's going on, what he'll do is he'll request a nest and that means that he'll collect all of the pillows that are within the next couple of rooms.

We'll collect all the pillows, collect a bunch of blankets, and literally make a nest someplace. And he has favorite places to put them. There's a spot in the corner of our family room that is a great place where he likes to put his nest. There's an alcove right next to our front door that he's taken over. That is pretty much where one of the nests live. A lot of times it's in the hallway because there's something about that enclosed space that makes a very great place to have a nest. And sometimes if he's aggravated enough at me, that nest might happen just in the middle of the floor, you know, kind of thing.

And I'm okay with it because as long as we're like figuring out how to get back into regulation mode, nest away young man, nest away. But it's interesting because when I list off those places that he's created this space and how he's been able to really hone in on making a space for himself, I had to really think about that from my perspective as well because if we think about it from the perspective places that you feel comfortable about are you talking about blankets okay then I'll go I'll go check that out later so it's like it must be in the air because he is yeah he is a blanket fan as well so I had to think about that because even though I pay for my house it It's really owned by my kid and my cat.

Like they are the two people that get to prioritize where they get to hang out and then by default where I get to hang out. And so to create a spot where I could nest as well, I had to sit there and figure out a way that as the caregiver, as the care person that cares for these people and these things, that I still needed space and I still had to make that space for myself so that we could then move on and do other things. So the way it is right now is it's primarily two spaces and it's really only one.

I kind of started doing a hard and fast line on mom's bedroom. Go in your room. I should have one room that does not smell like 17-year-old boy or cat. Go on. It's where I have my handle warmers, it's where I have all of the things I made myself. I got rid of some things that were taking up space and made myself a little vanity, which you may have seen me do my broadcast from before, sat there where I could sit put my makeup on in peace, do that, and have a door that I can close. Because for a long time, I was letting him hang out and play in my room too, and then all of his things would creep in there.

Or there'd be times where I wanted to go in my room and he's laying in my bed. I'm like, you got a bed, you got a couch, you got a whole nother couch. Out. And so it took a lot of mental maneuvering on my part to not feel guilty about making this safe space for myself. And then finally going, you are creating this space so that you can thereby create space to do other things, to create more conversations, to give more space to him, to have more time to recharge and refuel for myself. If nothing else, to have a place to sit in peace comfortably and put on some essential oils when I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to come up with a little bit more patience as a caregiver, because sometimes patience is at a premium.

And so for me, that was what was required. And being able to create that space for myself then allowed me to have more space to do things like move into the creation of brave spaces, to do that next step in what's the next therapy, what's the next occupation thing that I might push on my kiddo a little bit. What's the next goal I'm gonna set for him? That might be a little bit challenging and might be one of those things that stresses him out before it gets better, but I needed to be able to do that.

So thank you, you may borrow that as well. But it really was me going, All right, we are able to create this much safe space in order to do something that is brave. And so a lot of things for us that counts as brave is how am I going to work on the next self-regulation step because I wanna be able to take him other places. I wanna be able to challenge him to do more and to see what he's able to achieve and things that might help him thrive instead of letting us rest in what is currently that safe space.

So I encourage you to continue to have those conversations with yourself. If there's something that you've been putting off with the person that you care for because you just really didn't have the energy to go, okay, I can't work on this one more thing. Maybe they could do this. Maybe I could find somebody some extra support. Maybe I could, maybe I could, maybe I could. But you're allowing the fact that you haven't made enough space to even think what that next right step could be. I encourage you to make your spaces a little bit safer for yourself because you're probably doing a great job of doing that for the person that you care for.

So with that in mind, I encourage you this week to spend a little time looking around and seeing what you can do to create safe spaces, not only for the people that you care for, but for yourself. If that means that you have to set a boundary and go, you know what, I am going to lock myself into the bathroom once a week and have a full shower. I'm gonna make sure everybody else is taken care of. They might make a request while I'm in here, but I deserve 12 and a half minutes. this week to fully shower and moisturize.

That is a great first step. And that might be enough for you to go, all right, now that I've done that, I have been meaning to work on finding additional respite support for the person that I care for. Now that that's done, I have been meaning to hire somebody to come help me clean this house because I can't do everything and I've been trying to do everything for too long. Now that I have that done, maybe I have the mental capacity to go, All right, I really have been meaning to put other safety precautions in place for the person that I care for, but I just really haven't had the energy.

Now you can move on to that next step, that brave thing for you. That maybe you'll go, Now they have a little bit more autonomy. Maybe I have a little bit more autonomy. So safe first, brave second. I appreciate all of you. I appreciate you allowing me to be late. I am actually glad that I am here for you today because I put my phone in the holder in such a manner that it somehow needed to completely reset, including putting like Chinese characters on it. I was worried that I had downloaded some sort of virus on my phone.

I'm glad that was not the case, so I ended up being a little bit late. I am going to go and check out my good friend Speak Wonders replay from this morning. I'm very excited to do that. I also want to remind everybody, if you're catching me in the replay, pop around the cadre sphere. Make sure you find everybody's here because that's the whole point is to have a variety of different contributors that can communicate with you in the way that you need to at the time that you need it. And sometimes that means, hey, I'm just in the Cadre app and I'm doing a search because here's what I'm feeling right now.

So a variety of content is here, a variety of contributors are here, and we always want to hear all of your feedback. If there's something that you would like for us to cover more fully here in the app, let us know. If there's something that you would like us to go, hey, we'd love to see somebody talk about any particular thing, let us know. That is something that is very achievable. We like making sure that we have a variety of direction that supports you in the way that you need to be supported.

You are welcome, Speak Wonder. It is always my pleasure to check you out. You do wonderful thing and I find what you share so peaceful, so peaceful. I'm a bit more, I consider you less chaotic than I am. Hence the name of this dream. So, me and my blue haired self, we are now gonna go to the grocery store, get some provisions for the kiddo. m. Central on Saturday for the parenting edition of Comedy Through the Chaos. So if anything comes up between now and then that you would like me to go ahead and talk about, let me know.

I got a little bit of idea what I'm gonna cover, but I am always open to suggestions. So take care of yourselves. I hope the rest of the week treats you well. As I said, if it doesn't, shame on it, not shame on you. And I will see you all back here very soon.