Jen Varale discusses safety in sobriety, shares her 11-year journey, demonstrates a blood-orange non-alcoholic elixir, and describes creating Sauna and Sobriety events featuring sauna, cold immersion, elevated NA drinks, movement, and community tips for staying safe.
Jen opens Sober Not Somber Hour, names the episode's focus on safety, and briefly shares her sobriety background to frame the conversation.
Jen prepares a blood-orange non-alcoholic elixir on air, describes where it came from, and greets viewers while referencing bottles brought home from a recent event.
She recounts early sobriety frustrations in alcohol-centric spaces, describes social pressure to drink, and outlines the Sauna and Sobriety events—sauna, cold immersion, elevated non-alcoholic beverages, movement, and inclusivity.
Jen describes how bars, restaurants, and a corporate event-planning job felt unsafe while sober, explains how that affected her behavior and choices, and tells a freeway anecdote about feeling physically unsafe due to reckless driving.
She suggests practical tools like attending with a supportive friend, making mindful choices about which events to enter, and creating safe communities; the episode ends with a hope for vulnerability, improved mental health, and a final cheers.
Hello, hello. Welcome. It's time for Sober Not Somber Hour. I'm your host, Jen Varale. And yeah, I'm excited to be chatting with you today all about the theme around safety. And as you know, if you've been tuning in, come on in, come on into the chat. I have 11 years of sobriety. And so as I'm thinking about safety, I have a lot of ideas I want to share with you today. But first, I have an empty glass. We can't have that. So today on Sober Not Somber Hour, I am featuring a non-alcoholic elixir, a mixer made by Earl Giles.
And I simply put, I don't know, about one third part mixer and it's like a blood orange mixer. I was just at an event and they used this to make this super fancy cocktail with like six different things called the Tempernilio, like a sunset kind of tequila sunrise visual. And then I just got a little club soda. It's one of my favorite, just to send Pellegrino. So there we have it. a super refreshing bev for four o'clock happy hour on a Tuesday. Hi Speak Wonder. R-I-E-D-N-E-R, welcome. I don't know if that's a first name, last name.
Welcome in. So good. Yeah, so they sent us home with these little unlabeled bottles from the event that we had on the 28th of August and Today we're talking, hi Nieki, welcome in. We're talking about safety and I wanna bring that around to sobriety and the events that I have tried to create over the last, I would say intentionally, probably two years as sauna in sobriety and what that's meant to me personally and why I created those. In early sobriety, 11 some years ago, I was so frustrated at spaces that I would be forced to enter, whether it was for like corporate networking events or just to like be included with what my friends who still drank were doing.
I needed to go into those bars and restaurants and different events with alcohol all around. And I used the term centralized where alcohol was centralized, like the majority of the people were drinking and if they weren't, You were getting questioned. Why didn't you drink? So that was yeah, that was my life 11 some years ago as I started on this sober journey and those spaces did not feel safe to me yet. And many times I just felt like I had to sort of tough it out and would have to be in those spaces regardless because what else was there to do?
And so just reflecting on that heavily today as I'm thinking and doing a lot of work and writing about the importance of our environment and the safety piece of it. Yeah, speak wonder the social pressure to drink is huge, although I've noticed and with every dry January every year there is a general, you know, idea that people are more open to your not drinking, but One of the reasons I created and co-created Sauna and Sobriety, where we have these four hour events where it's, you know, all adults that come together experience sauna, cold immersion, and we have amazing non-alcoholic beverages that are beyond soda.
They're elevated and really nourishing eats and movement. Sometimes we'll do a little bit of yoga, even dance, just getting out of your your own head and getting into your body and creating movement, which I believe creates a way to be more intimately connected to people and have a social experience that isn't sitting around and drinking alcohol at a bar. Huh, go figure. So I created that with Natalie Lang with the idea that we wanted to just model what this could look like and the inclusivity of it is really important.
And I feel like I created that event sort of for myself and I created it because I couldn't find it anywhere else. Like I wanted to do something that was wellness related. So what are my question would be like, what are the environments that you've experienced? And I'll say social. So think beyond your home setting where you're maybe alone or you feel safe at home, if that's the case, think about more broadly what social settings have you not felt safe in and why. And please add those in the chat if any come to mind.
And the other piece to that is to recognize, maybe this is looking back like I did to those bars and restaurants and events that I was in. how my behavior, how it changed my behavior. I was literally so on edge and so standoffish and withdrawn from the ability to even be in community because there was so much that felt unsafe around me. There were drinks everywhere. There were people looking like they belonged in the experience because they were drinking. And I think it really is starkly a contrast to the events and the experiences that I attend or create now is that we all have like beverages in hand like this, but they are non-alcoholic.
And sometimes all that matters to people is if you've got something in your hand, you look social. So if you are not drinking, obviously having something that is in your hand that looks like you are part of the experience creates some safety, at least to open up and maybe be more of yourself. Speak wonder. Staff meetings, if run by a narcissist, feel very unsafe. Oh my gosh, we can talk about all the corporate environments. Yeah. And actually, you guys, some of you maybe have heard my story or know this, that I was in a corporate environment and literally my job was planning events for a large architectural firm and literally, handing out drink tickets to people.
And I just was like, when I... knew that I needed to get sober, I was like, this is not going to be sustainable. I'm not going to feel safe being in this environment and not drinking. I just didn't know how that would be done. So I left that corporate environment and started my own entrepreneurial practice where I say I just was able to create a culture of one. So yeah, it can be overwhelming when you think about all the social spaces that you might be in on a daily basis that might not feel safe.
Yeah, I particularly think of our roads traffic and I think that to me lately has felt like one of the most unsafe places to be. But what sort of a choice do we have? I was driving home from a weekend with my family celebrating my parents' anniversary. And I was on Crosstown here locally in Minneapolis, a busy freeway. And there was, like, literally a car chase going on. Two cars just, like, weaving through traffic over on the shoulder. Oh, my gosh. It felt very unsafe. And what happens in your body when you don't feel safe?
Everything spikes your adrenaline like I just felt like on edge immediately and I let them pass. But the after effects of that unsafe feeling made me think, should I, you know, get off the freeway and just take a moment? And also anticipating I might see some sort of car crash down the road in front of me because of the the reckless driving. So that feeling of Being unsafe and I also thought it was kind of interesting. I don't know if any of y'all have done this to like try to cope with traffic.
Is make up a story about why these people, these two vehicles would be behaving that way. I don't know. It kind of puts my mind at least a little bit, gives it a little bit of distraction from not feeling safe. And it temporarily kind of worked to soothe me a little bit to say, well, maybe they're rushing to the hospital. I mean, maybe they're trying to get to the airport, which is no excuse, but it distracted my mind a little bit from feeling unsafe in that moment. And yeah, I just wonder how we handle all of these situations that might feel unsafe in our day.
Anyone wants to chime in on anything related to safety and environments, I'd love to hear it. Yeah, so sauna and sobriety, one space that I have been talking about. The other space that I want to and I'm working to make feel more safe are corporate spaces and events. And I feel like there's still a lot of resistance to having a corporation kind of lead with the idea that they don't centralize alcohol or it's maybe not as prominent as some of their events and what they offer, but there's still events and things that I go to in that space that don't feel safe.
And if I can avoid them, I will. So I think it's just important to be very, to recognize those spaces and You know, I have all the tools, right? Like I can go into those spaces with a friend or someone who has my back and knows that it's maybe not going to feel super safe to me. But finding ways to like either shift out of that and not go into those spaces or ways to maybe, you know, manage those. And as September in the month of safety as we're talking all things safe. There are just a lot of environmental things to be aware of.
And by keeping as much as you can, your choices to go into those spaces very mindful, I think that's just where I'm at. That's what I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about, you know, travel and all sorts of things this this coming fall. So with that, I'm going to enjoy the rest of this NABEV. Thank you, Earl Giles. Delicious. And my hope is that you feel safe now and can create that sense of safety for yourself and in community and seek out spaces and people that you know you will feel safe around because it does create a way to be vulnerable.
And I think vulnerability is so important for growth and just just improving your overall mental health and place. So cheers to everyone. We will see you next week. So we're not somber hour. Have a great week.
Reactions and comments are for members. Joining is free and takes a minute.
