Coffee Chats W/ Dr. D

Hello, Cadre. It's me, Dr. D. And guess what? My cup is already empty. Welcome to my coffee chat. And I just got a little bit left. You see that? Wait, you can't even see it. There it is. It's been a long morning. I got up early today. I had to meet with someone that wanted to volunteer for my nonprofit. And so they helped me get organized in my office. And it felt really good to have support, to have help. Right? And I'm one person. I don't know if you're like me, but it is hard for me to ask for help.

And I'd rather just do the things I need to do and just get it done and not have to, you know, worry about telling someone how I want it done. And. And it's hard to trust someone to do it the way I would want it to be done, if that makes sense. So if you're like me and you struggle with that, there's help for us. Okay? But I do want to talk a little bit about us as individuals. So I'm gonna wait just a little bit because I know there's some people who like to join a little later. And I did not pre schedule my coffee chats this month.

It's been a busy last week. I'll say. And I'm already recognizing the holidays are approaching us, y'. All. Thank you. Tell me, put in the chat for me. Have you put up your Christmas tree yet? Cuz I did. I didn't do it the day I wanted to. I normally. I started this new tradition with my son. Hey, Wonder, we don't celebrate Halloween. And so the last couple years we started putting up our Christmas tree on Halloween and we'll watch a Christmas movie instead just to bring some joy. But I don't know, the past couple days have been so busy, so I didn't get a chance to do that.

But I did get it up yesterday and it just brought instant joy into the household. You know, it's something about a Christmas tree in the lights. I just love it. So I do want to share something with y' all before we get into our topic for the day. And I don't have a title, but I am going to talk about our relationship to self and how we can. We need permission to change. I'll say that. But let me show you something real quick. So I do have an announcement. I don't know if I'm allowed to do this, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

And Luke, if I'm not supposed to forgive me, but I Have something special that just got launched today. It's on Amazon and in stores wherever you buy books. So this right here, and it might be backwards to you, but this is my self esteem skills deck and my name's right up there. Right. I am so proud of this. And let me tell you, this deck right here is a year in the making. I worked on this since last year and it's finally available for people to purchase. It is on Amazon, it is in Barnes and Noble, it's on Target, Walmart, other stores where you can buy books.

And I'll just give you a sneak peek. Okay. It's a heavy box, but it's a really nice gift for people too. So it does come with, it comes with a booklet that I wrote that just explains what self esteem is, explains how to use the deck, what it's all about. So this is a lot of work here. And then there are a hundred cards that are broken into different categories that will help you improve your self esteem. So if this is something you struggle with or you know someone who just needs a little boost with their self esteem, I think we all need that sometimes.

I think this will be really impactful. And so I'm just excited to share this with the world. But let me tie this into our topic for the day. So we're, I'm going to talk to you about our permission that we need to give ourselves to change, to pivot. Hello there. So I was thinking about this the other day. So if you all didn't know, if you mostly see me in black, I got on all black everything today. That is my power color. I got black coffee mugs, all of my accents and thank you, speak wonder, all of my accents.

My car is all black, like tinted windows, all that. I just love black. And recently, I would say the past couple of months I've pivoted to a neutral tone and I, I had to question myself. I was like, why, why am I drawn to this light color? So I'll show you. So my MacBook, this used to be black, right? But I changed it to this like tan beige, you know. And so now I'm drawn to shades of coffee is what I like to call it, because I don't like the word brown, but it's shades of coffee. And I've even wanted to change the decor of my home.

My nails today are like this cappuccino. It's actually black is slimming. It's a espresso color. It's called espresso yourself. Love it. And I really questioned Just this past weekend I was sitting with, just reflecting on why all of a sudden am I being drawn to different colors? What is this all about? And I had to look back and like, have I done this before? And I think I have, but I didn't own it. So now I'm in the space where I'm ready to own a change that I want to make for myself. Okay. And the reason why I hesitated to even switch up and even my branding for my colors, like, everything was all black.

And I'm trying to get into these neutral tones now, a little softer vibe. And I think it's because I've changed. I am no longer needing to show up in this way that is powerful and bold and in your face. And yes, that is still part of who I am. But I'm also in this new space of being softer and doesn't mean that I'm not as powerful. It's just my presentation has shifted and that shifted in different areas of my life. It's shifted in how I want to show up and how I want people to perceive me. And so I wanted to question, I question myself.

Why is there this shift? And why am I. So I start to feel this resistance to change. Resistance. And well, if I start shifting how I'm showing up, are people going to think it's authentic? Are people going to question what's wrong with you? You know, are people gonna question. I don't know, different things. And I wondered, what was that all about? So I don't know if you've ever had this experience of wanting to like noticing a shift within yourself and noticing that, you know, your mindset has changed or what you're attracted to has changed.

And then question yourself, is there something wrong with me? Is. Is there something. Is this good or bad? Right. Why? Why is there this shift right here? And I have started to own that it's okay to change. It's okay to go through seasons in our lives. And just because we're in a different season, that doesn't mean that at the core we're different. Right. And that that takes reflection and having honest conversations with ourselves. And I'm a tie this into our self esteem. Okay. So I think there were times in my life where I felt a need to shift.

I think we can kind of feel when a transition is on its way or we're in the middle of a transition in life and sometimes we resist it. And so we stay stuck in patterns that are familiar to us, familiar with the people that we surround ourselves with. We stay stuck in patterns that we know how to operate in. But when the shift is supposed to happen, we miss the opportunity to change. And sometimes that's because our self esteem is low. Sometimes that's because we fall into imposter syndrome, right?

We, we don't feel like we are allowed to change. We feel like if we fall into the shift that is naturally happening, that that might show up as we are being fake or we're being an imposter to the rest of the world, when honestly this is just a new part of ourselves that's being activated. And so where's the power in all that, right? There is power in us being able to tap into ourselves and own who we are in the moment. Right today, this is who I am. Not to say I'm going to change tomorrow, but right now, this season in my life, this is who I am.

And I've learned to welcome the change. Because who I am becoming is who I need to be for whatever reason. And I may not know it yet, I may not know why I'm becoming this new person, this new version of myself, but I'm in my 40s, okay? I don't know how old y' all are, I'm in my mid-40s. And they say when you get to your 40s and 50s, like you don't care no more, you just show up, you say what you want, there's no apologies anymore. And I think I'm starting to own that. But let's say if I go back to the.

Even the 30 year old version of myself, you know, the way I saw myself at that time, I was not in the best place, you know, emotionally, I was not in the best place with relationships. And part of that was because I didn't own who I really was at the core. And there were people in my life who knew they could see who the person I am today. They saw that woman in my 30s, but I didn't see her. I didn't look at my own reflection and see who I really was inside, if that makes any sense. And even in my 20s, you know, your 20s, you're trying to figure yourself out.

I had a sense of idea of like my purpose. But if I'm honest, I didn't really know who I was, if that makes sense. I didn't own who I was. And I stayed in that place of confusion for a while because I didn't own it. I didn't own who I was in the moment. But I started noticing these shifts and I think that shift, and maybe if you want to put in the chat what that feels like for you. For me, I notice a shift when I'm supposed to be becoming something new is when I'm just kind of purging. I let go of things.

Like, I might get rid of clothes, I might get rid of. I might change my playlist. Like, even the music that I'm drawn to changes. Or I might get rid of just different items. Right. Or the colors that I'm drawn to change. Or I start noticing my circle changes. The people that I'm connecting to, sometimes they are. They're people that I didn't think I would have anything in common with. But as I have different conversations, they have something that is. Is speaking to the newer version of me. And the people that I was already connected to are no longer.

I won't say useful. That's not the right term. But the people I was previously connected to, they didn't speak to me anymore. And I felt like I was more in the space of giving to them. And it wasn't an even exchange, if that makes sense. Yes. Changing your hair. That's another one. Changing your hair color. You know, they say when a woman cuts her hair, changes her hair, she's changing her life. And I believe that is so true. There have been moments where I think every January, I would cut my hair really, really short and just let it grow throughout the year.

And I just needed that change. Like, it was a symbolic thing of. Like, it's something new. Right. So, yes. Speak wonder saying you feel a shift when you reach a state of peace or acceptance about a situation that is so beautiful. And I'm curious, like, if you notice, like, how. How the timeframe is on that, how long does it take for you to reach that state of peace? And I think that's something that a lot of people search for, but we also miss that moment of peace when we are resisting the change.

So today I want you to take permission to lean into the change. Lean into the shifts that are happening in your life. Leaning. Lean into the shift in the sense where you are deciding what it's going to look like. I think sometimes we lean into shifts where we. We just kind of let it happen and we don't take control, and we have absolute ability to take control of the change. How do you want to show up in life? How do you want to show up in this next season? And even as the year is ending? Look back.

I'm going to encourage you. I'm always a woman of reflection. Look back and see where. Where were you at the beginning of this year. And where are you today? Take some time. Look at your photos, look at your text messages, look at your emails. Look at the things you were drawn to in January that maybe you're not drawn to anymore. So I've been in this purging, purging state where I've even been unsubscribing to email streams. I have been unfollowing people that I follow on social media because it just doesn't speak to me anymore, and that's okay.

All right, so thank you for listening to me ramble today, because I didn't have a plan. I just wanted to show up. So I'm glad that you guys joined in on this chat with me today. I will say next week, I will have some real coffee. I just didn't have a moment to make another cup. But I have not chosen topics, and I think I'm just gonna go with the flow because I'm in this season of becoming, I think. And so I'm not gonna plan anything. We'll just see. So you got to show up every week, every Tuesday this month, and just see the randomness that I have for you.

Okay. All right. Speak one. You said looking back. I was good advice. In the world where we are always looking ahead. Yes. All right, y'. All. Y' all have a wonderful week. And don't forget, go get yourself a steam deck, okay? And if you do, please leave a review. All right? You guys have a wonderful week. See you.