Recognizing Your Breaking Point

Hey, Cadre family doctor Kerry here live. And I just wanted to come on today and be really vulnerable and share about an experience that I had recently. And whenever I do vulnerable videos, I make it intentional to not wear makeup and just do it like spur the moment because it's really what's come upon me in the moment that I want to share with you. And I want to just be vulnerable and transparent in every aspect, which means just literally in my outfit. I just went for a walk with my dog and I'm heading to the gym in a little bit here, but just wanted to share with you about an experience I had that's just, it shook me.

It really shook me. And so I want to unpack that with you guys live today. So about a week and a half ago, I had the incredible opportunity to hike half dome in Yosemite, California. And I had always dreamed of hiking something that cool with the cables and just like a really, really thing you can conquer right when you're hiking like 17 miles, 5000 elevation gain and at the end you're literally going up cables. Lo and behold, the lottery. The first time applying to do it, I was just so incredibly lucky and just had this opportunity to do this and it was so fun, so hiked all the way up to the top.

It was a little bit scary at times and it was hard for me to do this with my significant other because I've always been somebody who's been really tough and I don't show vulnerability with other people. And so that's been something I've been really intentionally working on in especially relationships, is like learning how to not be so tough and just letting people see the authentic me. And so I did this with my significant other and neither of us really pushed each other too hard, but we went at a pretty good pace getting up there, ate a lot of food, drank a lot, made us the top, just epic views.

And then it was just the coolest experience because we packed so much water to the point where I told my boyfriend, this is excessive, we probably can give some of this away. And lo and behold, at the top of the mountain, this guy comes up to us out of all the people up there, and he's like, do you guys have any extra water? And I looked at him and I did a quick, like, head to toe assessment with my er nursing knowledge here. And I was like, this guy doesn't look good. Like chapped lips. Like his fingers were a little bit blue.

He said they had, like, climbed their way up and like halfway through had to stop. And they had to sleep out, like, on a ledge overnight, and they didn't have, like, blankets. Like, he looked like he was about ready to die. And he's like, yeah, my friend, we cuddled pretty close. Like, I'm like, this guy doesn't look like he's in good shape. So we gave him a whole liter of water, and I was like, yeah, that's why we had extra water. I knew it gave him some, like, trail mix to eat, and it was just such a cool opportunity to be able to, like, serve someone else in that moment.

And anyway, continue. That was side note, but it was just a really cool thing, you know, God provides us with those opportunities sometimes in life, at least, I believe that God provides us with those opportunities to serve other people. And in that moment, we got to. To help him out because he was probably not doing well. But anyway, so we start hiking down about an hour or so into the descent. I just said out loud, I said, you know, I am so grateful that I have the physical body to be able to do a hike like this.

Like, we did no training. I typically hike pretty regularly. I haven't been doing that a lot lately because I've had an Achilles issue. But I'm like, I still, like, I'm young, I'm healthy. I'm in great shape to be able to do a hike like this. I'm just so grateful that I got to do this today. Not 1015 minutes later, I started not feeling well and not sure really what happened to me all of a sudden, but my legs started to give out. My knees buckled, and I started having this really deep pain, like I used to have, like, when I used to have, like, I don't know, like, tendon and stuff, issues in my knees when I used to run cross country, and I was like, I don't understand what's happening.

My knees. But it felt like my quad muscles were not, like, strong enough to even hold my kneecaps in place anymore. My feet were super swollen at this point, and I knew that, so they were just throbbing. But I started to get the point where my legs were shaking so bad, and so I, you know, continued eating, continued drinking electrolytes, and was just like, okay, well, let's just slow it down a little bit. Maybe we need to take more breaks. But within about 1520 minutes after that, I started to kind of space out and maybe get a little bit delirious.

And I've had altitude sickness before, so that wasn't the issue. Like, I know what that feels like. This was something very different. I felt like my body was shutting down, and it got to be a little bit freaky. And so I just said, like, I don't. I don't know if I can continue. We had about 5 miles to go at this point, and there's no, like, resources on this mountain, like, you're calling a helicopter to fly you out. And my boyfriend, thankfully, rose to the occasion and helped me tremendously. Basically supported my arm as I limp down the last 5 miles, like, limping.

And he just continued to just encourage me to keep going. And then there were times when I just was kind of starting to space out, like, mentally, and I wasn't speaking. And he's like, carrie? Carrie, carrie, are you there? Cause I'm, like, still hobbling along, but I'm just kind of, like, going off. And so he's starting to freak out a little bit. Like, you're not okay. Mentally, I was still hydrated. I was still peeing. Like, I wasn't that. It wasn't that I didn't have enough food. It kind of felt like when I ran the marathon when I was 2020, I think I ran a marathon, and, like, I just had no fuel left in me, but I had eaten a lot of food and electrolytes, and so not really sure what happened to me, but it was concerning, to say the least, of, like, oh, my gosh, how am I getting my girlfriend down the mountain?

So we get down, and I'm just, like, totally done at this point. I've lost my appetite. I'm really just not feeling well. I feel kind of sick to my stomach. And so I laid down on a bench, put my legs up in the air. Like, I knew that I needed blood flow to get back to my head because I kept kind of facing out. Boyfriend goes to get the car, and about a quarter mile away, he comes back. By the time he comes back, I'm now having myoclonic jerks, which, for the non medical people, that's basically involuntary muscle movements.

I look like I was almost having a seizure. And so I'm sitting there, like, doing this, right? Like, my upper body, everything's jerking, and I cannot stop it. And it's just, like, a little bit. But by the time we got in the car, he's like, you don't look good. I need to take you to medical. And I was like, no, no, no. I'm fine. I just need to get more blood flow equalize. I'm sure my blood pressure is really low. I need my feet up, and. But yet I'm not, like, mentating very well. So he drives us to medical in Yosemite.

They're closed for the day. They're like, you need to call 911. I was like, I am not dead. I am not bleeding out. I am not going to an ER, because in my experience in an ER, that's the only reason you should go to an ER. And I'm not judging you if you've been to an ER otherwise. But that's just the ER nurse inside me of, like, no, I'm not dead yet. I don't need to be in an ER. And so he starts driving us out of the park and, like, kind of freaking out because we've got an hour and 20 minutes drive to get to anything outside of Yosemite.

And at this point, I am now thrashing around in the car seat, like, completely involuntary jerking. And he's continually saying, like, carrie, Carrie, talk to me. Are you there? Because I'm just gone. Like, mentally. Like, I know I'm in my body, and I'm trying to will my body to hold still, and I can't do it. So then I'm like, I'm really hungry all of a sudden. So I shovel in some Graham crackers. But anyway, he's freaking out. And so to the point where I cannot literally will myself to stop shaking.

And I'm, like, thinking, okay, let's use some knowledge here, Carrie, you've got probably hypomagnesemia, which is low magnesium, maybe a potassium, a sodium imbalance, like, but I've had so many electrolytes, I'm going through my, like, medical diagnosing, trying to figure out what I have so that if I do get to a medical facility, I can tell them exactly how to treat me. And then I tell him, I'm like, I need an EKG. I need this blood work. And he's like, okay, yeah, yeah, sure. I'm still just taking you a medical facility at this point.

And it was just such a profound moment. This was, like, profound moment number one for me of then I had to rely on someone else to take care of me because that is not my personality, to really, truly rely on someone to take care of me besides, like, my mom. And so to trust that he was going to do what he needed to do was a huge, pivotal moment for me. And just being able to trust him, that he had my best interest in mind, and he was going to do whatever I needed in that moment. So he drives me to urgent care at this point, still, like, cannot stop moving I can barely walk in.

And they take one look at me and they said, you need an ambulance. And I said, no, I am not going in an ambulance. Like, I'm slurring my words at this point. And they're like, we don't have iv capability. Like, we don't have what we need to be treated. You need an ambulance now. So I tell my boyfriend, I'm like, do not let them call my ambulance. He goes, Kerry, I am trusting their medical judgment, and you are going in an ambulance. So anyway, they take me back to a room to examine me, and I'm thinking, score.

I'm not going in an ambulance. Little do I know they've already called 911. And so the nurse practitioner evaluates me, and I. And he's, like, trying to, you know, just do a complete assessment on me. And he's like, well, you're, like, neurologically intact. Like, I'm not sure I agree. It's probably an electrolyte issue. Then he mentions to the nurse, go get the EKG machine. And she says, it's broken. And at this point, I have no filter. I'm like, a TBI patient here. No filter. Like, I cannot control what's coming out of my mouth for the little few things that I'm saying.

And I'm like, how do you run an urgent care without an EKG machine? My boyfriend is slouched in the corner, like, oh, goodness gracious, what am I gonna do with her? And so anyway, this nurse practitioner probably thought it was just a riot because here I am, like, kind of out of it, but also dictating the care that I'm going to get. So again, lesson learned. Just let the medical professionals do their job. So I literally, right now, I'm like, full body cannot hold still, okay? I'm thrashing on this table, and I'm not cold.

I'm numb. I don't know what's wrong with me. But at one point, I did tell my boyfriend I'm scared because I actually don't know what's wrong with me. And even if I had the test results from those things, I don't know what's wrong with me. So anyway, I get in the ambulance against everything that I wanted. I go in an ambulance. I got another 45 minutes ride to the hospital. And by the time I get there, I'm actually, like, starting to feel a little bit better. Roll into the hallway. Now I have enough wherewithal to start mentating.

And I'm, like, assessing the ambulance crew and their patient care experience. I'm looking at the ER. I'm assessing the whole ER, because this is what I used to do for a living. So obviously, I'm feeling much better that I'm starting to critique the care I got, which was phenomenal at every level of the medical system that I experienced was really good care, and I was just so grateful for Fresno, California. But anyway, so a doctor walks up to me, and he looks at me, and he goes, I'm pretty sure I know what's wrong with you.

And to me, this is a total, like, blessing from God that I got a doctor who within seconds knew what was wrong with me even without testing me. And for those of you waiting on the edge of the fence here, I ended up with basically a diagnosis of sleep deprivation and heat exhaustion. And so I look at him, and I'm like, what do you mean? When he asked me the question, have you gotten enough sleep lately? And I'm like, well, for the last couple nights, I mean, we camped last night. I haven't slept great.

He goes, how much stress have you been under? And I said, a little bit more than usual. And he goes, yeah, I know what's wrong with you. This happened to me all the time in med school. He said, you know that feeling when you're falling asleep and sometimes all of a sudden you just jerk because your muscles are starting to relax because your body's going to sleep? You've passed that point of your body, like, saying, we need to relax, and now it cannot physically relax. So I'm gonna give you medication to help your body relax, and we're gonna test himself.

My test, completely normal. Everything was completely normal. And the second that medication hit my body, I was just, like, calm. So that's the end result of this story for the medical portion. But what that said to me in that moment was, holy cow. How did I let stress and sleep deprivation caused me to end up in an ER today? Like, that's the lesson I learned from this experience, that I have let stress take over my body so much that I ended up in an ER with an ambulance ride, fearing that something was seriously wrong with me and it possibly could have been, like, what are the profound effects of stress on our body?

It just baffles me that this is really what my diagnosis was at the end of the day, that, like, my body basically had worked up. It worked really hard doing this hike. And so I was, like, internally, I had, like, internal kind of heat exhaustion and, like, not. Cause I was, like, overheated or anything, but, like, I just literally pushed my body to a point where it had nothing left. And had I not been under so much stress and had better sleep, I probably wouldn't have had this happen to me, right?

Like, I probably would have been really sore from this 17 miles hike, but I wouldn't have ended up in an ER because I'm in good physical shape. Like, my body can handle a hike like this. So I've just been doing so much reflecting since this happened because I can't even believe, like, that I didn't let even the warning signs say something to me. So I had COVID in July. I now have an Achilles issue because I keep working out, and I probably should be resting. It. I haven't been sleeping for weeks, to be honest, prior to this event, in the ER, wasn't sleeping well, and I refuse to take medications to sleep.

So I just kind of then struggle, and then I just drink more caffeine, and I've become irritable. I've become negative. I complain all the time. And, I mean, I know what fueled these things happening to me. Like, I made some decisions in my business, and I let some people influence me in a very negative way. And so I, like, see what has led up to this event, but I didn't listen to any of the warning signs my body gave me to stop and slow down and go, whoa, how important is this thing to get money over here?

Like, I'm stressing about finances and look at what it did to me. I'm stressing about my business and look at what it did to me. And so I just want to encourage you today that, you know what? Stress is part of life, right? Like, we're going to be in stressful periods of our life at some point. And I used to think that, like, working in the hospital was the most stressful thing I could probably ever do to myself. I never imagined that sitting at home by myself every day, going to the gym, and, like, living this dream, like, stay at home mom life that I have here would cause me to have that much stress.

But anything can cause us to have stress, right? We have our triggers for stress. And so to recognize, okay, what is my body telling me when I need to take a break, when I need to be done? What are your breaking points? For me, it's physical health, because I've gotten sick so much in the last three months, and since these things started piling on, I've got, like, a little bit of a sniffle this day. Now I've got this aching achilles. Like, all these things I've got more headaches than I normally have.

Like, my body is saying, hello, you're under stress. You're not getting rest. You're not treating me well. So I'm going to let you know that. And you need to make some changes. Otherwise, heck, you're going to end up in the ER. So I just want you to think about that. What are your breaking points? Like, what are your triggers? What is your body telling you? Do you know what those things are that make you realize, wow, I'm under a lot of stress. Something needs to change. Maybe it's in your relationships.

Maybe there are things happening in your marriage or your relationship with other friends or people. And you're like, gosh, we're constantly fighting all the time. This is what's happening. This and this and this and, like, how did we get here? Well, those are, like, wake up signs. Those are flags saying, hello. Pay attention to me. You need to invest more time into me. So I just want to encourage you. Don't end up in the error. Don't end up, like, fearing that something seriously happened to you because you didn't pay attention to the warning signs of stress.

Like, I just want to implore you today, like, figure out what your warning signs are. Recognize when you're teetering over to that point of over stress and do something about it before it's too late, because life's not that important to get that stressed about. I'm sorry to break it to you, but, like, life is short, and if you have some of these wake up calls, you realize that. So don't take a wake up call to make you realize that. I want to employ you to think about that today. What are my breaking points?

What are my stressors? Like, how do I know when I've reached the edge? And I want you to, like, really write those down and reflect on them and do check ins because you don't want to end up in the situation that I was in. So thank you guys for tuning in and thanks for listening to my story. I appreciate you just letting me share this vulnerable story, and I hopefully can save some of you from something bad happening. Love you all so much. Have a great one.