One Of This Years Lessons: I Can’t Be Everything To Everyone

All right, all right. Trying to find a sturdy spot here. Fantastic. Happy day Friday. It has been a lovely week for myself. I hope that you are having a great week. And if you haven't been to one of my lives before or whenever you're watching this, my name is Bri. I am a alignment coach, a wellness coach, a personal trainer, a yogi, a. A lot. Hey, Rachel. There was a few others that joined literally at the same time. It was like a. So I'm sorry if I missed jc. Hey jc Good to see you all. Thanks for rocking and rolling on Speak Wonder.

You're the one. There's a few that slipped in so I was like, ah, missed ya. Sorry. Excuse me. But yeah, tgif. Yes. It's a lovely winter wonderland here in Minneapolis and I'm loving it. Unfortunately, my couch is loving it too. I have been just relaxing and resting more than I ever intended to and thought that I could. So I am trying to get in like more accepting of that energy because sometimes rest can be really hard if you're ambitious and juggling a lot of jobs and wellness and working out and friendships and families and chores.

Chores. Oh my gosh, so much time. So, so yeah, it's, it's definitely been a. Interesting acclimation, right, of diving into this, this rest. Like nature wants us to rest, but society tells us we have to go shopping and gather socially more often and things like that. And so it's definitely been a balance. So. But yeah, the going outside is, as many of you know that have come. Come on here is, is my non negotiable. I don't. Doesn't matter how cold it is, we got to get outside for forest bathing is just so, so beautiful.

And looking at the snow on the trees and the branches and it's, it's just beautiful. All the little things you're good at doing hard things most of the time. Rest is the hardest of all. Yeah, rest. Oh yeah. Rest is so hard sometimes. Um, but we, we're learning, right? We're, we're cyclic creatures and rest. Sometimes rest is easy, but then it's hard for a long period of time. Right. And this is like the time where we're hunkered down inside and it's, it's a good reflection period. And so I have had some time to reflect and I wanted to share some, some things that have come to light through some journaling and, and meditation where my relationships this past year have evolved.

I don't want to say almost entirely, but a lot. And I really went through A period of navigating who and what I can give my energy to. And I have a lot of. I'm grateful to have so many loving people in my life. And evidently a lot of them live far away. They don't live in my city. And so I am a big walk and talk kind of gal on the, on the treadmill or outside, unless I'm forest bathing. But it's been evident to me that being reciprocal sometimes isn't always in our favor. And what I mean by that is like, yes, relationships are give and take.

Sometimes it's 80, 20, sometimes it's 60, 40. Very seldom is it always 50 50. And it's a discernment lesson for myself this past year of like, okay, I've been giving 60%, more so than I should, and this person's given me maybe 20. I. Other times it was how this person's really reaching out to me and I'm not really feeling that pull or initiation to kind of want to reach out back, like their energy. Like, how did it go last time? How did it go? You know, what did we do? Like, tuning in after hanging out with people to see, like, is this really, like, aligned?

Is this. Not every time is going to be high vibe. Like, we have to be there for our friends when they're going through some stuff, right? Like, it's not like you have to be like, oh, they're down in the dumps. I don't want to hang out with them anymore. Like, no, but setting, like, what access you have and how people have access to you is, is one of the. My first takeaway is that like, not everybody can have access to me and I can't have access to everyone else all the time. Like, I can't expect people to be there for me all the time.

And they should simultaneously understand that for me. Rachel says the 8020 should also be reciprocated with 2080 attacks. Yes, exactly right. Like, it es and flows as life and relationships do and speak Winner. I'm forest bathing by looking out my window and at the snow covered woods. Yes. H. It's the. It's so pretty. I. Yes. Forest bathing was so remarkable. I did that last Friday at the arboretum and I couldn't speak. So if, if you want to hear more about that, you can go to my, my last video here.

But back to like, yeah, the. The relationship balance has to be mutually satisfying for both parties. And I always just thought, like, oh, I've been friends with this person. We hang out, we. We catch up and repeat. Like, I wasn't really thinking about it. Right. Or like, hey, we go and we go to the. We go to the same workout class. And, like, that's great because we hang out and then we catch up and then we chit chat and. And there's that. We text each other sometimes or hang out sometimes. And it was just.

I felt like I hadn't really done a deep dive of evaluating my circle and evaluating who's feeding me and who's maybe kind of draining me a little bit. Like, sorry, sometimes you have to do that. It's. We're not. It's very rare to have the same friendships you've had when you were completely young, all the way up. Now you can have that, of course, but, like, it's also, you're gonna meet new people, you're gonna change, and you're. You're gonna change. The other people are gonna change. And so as you grow, you have to kind of decide, like, who's coming, who's.

Who's growing beside me, and then who. Who are we just kind of drifting apart with. Right. There's no harm, shame, or foul to it. It's part of growing up. And so that was. That was a big one for me. Was like, okay, not everybody has access to me, and I don't have access to people that I always thought that I would have or that I expect out. Expect from. So I encourage you to, like, ask yourself, like, have I been trying to, like, perform? Have I been trying to show up for people that do the same for me?

Like, it's just an inquiry, not a. Not a exam. Rachel says, anytime I see forest bathing, all I can picture is someone sitting in a bathtub filled with leaves in the middle of the woods. Sounds amazing. Oh, my gosh. I would love that. Yeah, it. The Japanese really, really figured that one out. So let's give some gratitude towards the Japanese scholars from Tokyo University that did the science on that one. So I love that. But, yeah, that image is just like chef's kiss. Another thing. So first is, like, your access to people and their access to you.

Like, just evaluating it and taking, you know, inventory on where you're at with that. The second one is that familial roles aren't necessarily our true self. And what I mean by that is when you go visit your family sometimes, oftentimes you will go back into, like. So if you were the baby of the family, you will go back into that baby role. If you are the one that always made the decisions and the leader, you will go back to playing your part, right. It's a role that you have played in your family and it can also be in.

In your friendship. Right. Like, so if you are always the one that's creating, plan or like traveling, right. This is the perfect example. You travel with your family or friends, whoever it is. There's always one person that takes the lead and has the itinerary super organized. The other person that's just like, I have my, my suitcase and my passport and I'm here to show up. And then usually there's maybe another person that's kind of in between, one of those. But nonetheless, you have a role. When you're in a group, for whatever reason, humans just become whatever role they want.

Right. Middle child, basically invisible. Yes, that's right. Right. We all have a role. And I noticed that all of a sudden I was questioning my role and is this the part I want to play? I don't think I want to play this part anymore. I don't think I want to participate in having my, my, my, my like sanity beats be taken because I'm taking on too much. That that was my role with my family, was always doing, doing. And I would. People pleasing. Sure, throw that in there. And just like making sure that everybody's having fun and doing all the things because I.

So my family is out in Buffalo, New York. So Speak Wonder. I love Lake Erie just like you. That is my sole place, like superior as well, whatever. But it is always interesting going back to see my whole family and see who hasn't changed and who has. And if I. And then they see how I've changed because I'm always changing and doing things. But it's like you just have to. You have to adapt. You have to let people be what they're going to be. But you also get to decide that this, this role I'm playing is not true to me anymore.

And I can choose again. I can be someone that I know, the best version of myself that I'm aspiring to be. And when that happens, sometimes it doesn't go over well. Some people are threatened to buy it. Some people. Some people are like, yeah, go you. And some other people just are. They're confused or whatever or they want to join your party, which is great. But it's just something to keep in mind is like, what role am I playing in this relationship? And that was a really big one for me, for me and my partner.

Like, I was like, very reflective about that and how I've been showing up and the role that he plays right and that's kind of an easier one just because it's your, you constantly live with each other. So it's like this and gender dynamic roles and things like that. Then when I went to go to visit my family, it was like, oh man, am I playing this role still? Like, do I want. And is this person still doing this still? Like, you know, and so it just reminded me like this, this is not, this is being noisy.

This is not who I really am. And I get to choose again. And it might make people uncomfortable as I change, but like, so what, I'm becoming better. I'm becoming clearer, I'm becoming more aligned. I'm becoming more like vibrant. Vibrant. And we're energized. And isn't that what everybody really wants? Energy? I look at like a 8 year old kid and I'm just like, I want 2% of that. Please speak wonders. Like, exactly. Some people don't like it when we want to shed our roles. Yeah, yeah, it's tough. And that can happen in, in our friendships too.

And so it's, it's just, you know, something to evaluate. Like what role do you not want to play anymore or what role would you, would you rather be, become or, you know, what are you auditioning for? Yeah, so sit with that. Like, what role are you ready to let go of this year? That's, that's, that's the key here because I definitely had to get rid of people pleaser, had to get rid of doer. Right. Like here I am like a meditator and I just can't stop doing. It was asinine the day I found that or like recognized that in myself.

It was not very fun, but it's humbling. It was rewarding because now I see it, self awareness wins. And so that's my third point is, you know, I love to do things in threes for y'. All. Self awareness is, is the homecoming. And Rachel's like, nope. And I won't accept it. This is why kids are more my type. No judgment. Oh my gosh. So true. Yeah, they just, they're so in the, in the moment. They're just right here, right now. And as adults, you know, we add the layers of stress and bills and life and whatever politics of all that.

And so it gets, you know, we're not thinking about the present moment as much as kids. So. Yeah, I love watching kids play and I love watching dogs play just to get that remembrance back in my brain of like, hey, this moment is here for you. Even though you're an adult, you can still stay, stay present. So, yes, self awareness is going to help us into not only reflecting for this past year. Right? It's perfect. Minnesota. It's perfect reflective energy right now. I've never wanted to like using Rachel's image.

Never wanted to just sit in front of the window and look at the snow more than I have this year. It's been great. And I. But you don't need that. Sometimes I'll literally put on YouTube, they have these beautiful nature scenery. Sometimes it'll go through like one country and it's like tranquilizing piano music. And I love to have that on sometimes if I'm like reading or journaling. So there's my pro tip. If you don't have anything that is like a good view outside of a window. My nephew said I love you for the first time the other day to me on FaceTime time.

I love that. That's adorable. And it made you feel good. And so, yeah, I do want to end on the good because that was also feedback I got recently. Is that sometimes I'm pointing on like what we need to fix or what we need to catch in ourselves. Because it is like, catch. We gotta. We gotta catch, catch when we're. We're veering off the track sometimes. But gratitude's important too. And so what a special moment to have anyone say I love you for the first time. And it's important that we do when we.

When we reflect this, this, this month or even if you're just going through some photos, looking at things like gratitude has to be part of it. Even if it was tough. We learned we grew up and, you know, I welcome you to glance at I did it. My sister may have been a little jealous. Oh, yeah. Jealousy is a heck of an emotion because we are emotional creatures. We are mood creatures. It dictates a lot of our behavior. But this is where the self awareness comes in because we can just be aware of it, but we don't have to follow the trail that it wants us to go on.

We don't have to get bogged down by emotion. They say emotion lasts. Was it 60 or 90 seconds? Don't quote me on that, but it's. I think it's 90 seconds. An emotion lasts for about 90 seconds and if you don't give into it, then it will go away. And that's the beauty of self awareness. That's why we're able to dive into practices like this so that we can learn how we're showing up with our family, how we're showing up with our community and our inner circle of friends. It's, it's, it's 90. Thank you.

And from there we, we set ourselves free. We glow, baby. We glow and we, we grow, glow kinda. And our energy then becomes like radiant and infectious because it's like, wow, you're working on yourself. You are doing the best you can. You are helping the community by becoming a better human to others. And that's what this is all about. That's what community is about. That's what Cadre is about. We're all trained to just help each other move along in this crazy weird world. And so to recap, not everybody has access to you and you don't have to give yourself away to everyone.

We don't have to perform. Familiar from familiar roles are maybe not the part of the play you auditioned for, but it just happened. So tune in and ask is this, is this a role I want to play anymore with this person? Right. And finally like self awareness is gonna set, set us all free. It's going to set us all free. And I know that sometimes it's harsh to think like, I don't know, there's like this trend where people are cutting off their family or whatever because they have like different beliefs.

Yeah, it's tough. It's really tough. Everybody has really weird things in their family going on that we know nothing about. And so we can't really. You can't judge whether people choose to stay or leave. I come from a family where like my father chose to leave. And so I guess it's probably a little easier for me to let go of things relationship wise because I had that modeled as a kid. But that's not the case for everybody. And so. Or just like abusive relationships, people stay in those like because of the dynamic that we don't know anything about.

But that's why it's so important for us to work on ourselves, be a model to everybody that we interact with. Like, that's how we like raise this world up is by doing the work on ourselves to have it emanate out into the world to create higher vibes. So. Wow, that was a long one. I'm sorry, I had a lot to say today. I don't know why. I think this winter wonderland is just jazzing me up. Getting a little cabin fever? No, I'm just kidding. But let me know how it goes. If you inquire on your roles, on who you're giving access to and some self awareness, I hope that it goes well.

And if there's anything that comes up for you, I'd love to hear about it. But sometimes when family members feel canceled or alienated, when all we are really doing is giving them space. Yeah, it's tough and it's tough because you don't know how people are going to take things. Right. Like that's been a really reoccurring theme too is like this person was just trying to do this or I was just trying to do this. But they took it like this. Right. Because everybody only sees through their personal lens.

And if we have more self awareness we can kind of open our lens a little bit bigger to see that our lens is not the only lens. It's actually like a grain of salt lens compared to all the lenses, billions of lenses in the world. And we can step back, we can calm down and see that it's. It's not as bad as. As our mind sometimes makes it up to be. So with that, I hope you have a lovely rest of your day. A beautiful restful weekend hopefully or one that rejuvenates you and lights you up. Whatever, whatever you're calling for, I hope you get it.

And yeah, let me know if, if it goes well for you. So that. Yeah. And getting exhausted trying to explain myself and my intentions. Yeah, I used, I would do that too. I would over explain so they could try to understand me. But sometimes I was. Then I. Sometimes I realized depending on the person they didn't want to understand or they didn't necessarily have like the level of like consciousness. Sorry. Bear with me. To like even be capable to understand and it wasn't me being on my high horse. It's just literally that like I know how they function and like it's just.

That's not it. So speak wonder. I hope that you don't get like they will understand when they should understand. Right. And I don't want you to get exhausted from trying to explain yourself. You don't. You just. That's probably where we have to like let it go. But of course you know the circumstance better than I do so. But. And because I'm. I'm positive your intentions are good ones because I. Your talks are just so like heart opening as, as in themselves. So. But with, with that final round, I will say, I will say I hope you have a great day.

Adios. Love to you all. Thanks for tuning in and hope to see you. See you next time and stay warm.