Rachel’s Room🛋️

Happy Thursday. Cadre crew. Hello, hello, Hello. Let me give folks a few minutes to trickle in. I hope you are all having a better day than me. I am stressed. I'm a stressy goose today. So we're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about managing stress, especially when it comes to receiving feedback, because that is what I'm stressed about today. And I'm realizing I'm not as skilled as I would like to be at receiving feedback. So I have struggled for a long time with perfectionism. I'm sure I've shared that here.

And part of the, part of what I struggle with is getting criticism, constructive or otherwise, and feeling like I'm not doing a good job or not doing enough. And I do some. I do some freelance video editing on the side and I'm working on a big project right now. I submitted it on Wednesday and I thought I did a really good job. I was really proud of my work. I worked really hard on it. I spent a lot of hours on it and I got a lot of feedback from my client slash boss. That is all, it's all doable stuff and it's not a reflection of my character or my ability to do my job.

And still I like went into a full blown spiral. Like a full blown. Just like anxiety about like, oh no, they must think I didn't work hard on this or oh no, like I actually don't have the skills to do this. I'm actually really bad at my job and had to take a long walk and kind of process on the phone with people I trust to kind of get out of that headspace and. But it's just, I'm noticing how much that still brings up just feelings of like, I like. Of not being good enough. Of not being. Yeah, not being good enough.

So some things I like to do when that comes up is first and foremost, like, zoom out. Because I can get really like focused in on like this one thing is ruining my life. Like, it turns into like a. If this doesn't go well, then everything is. Then I might as well just not even exist. Like, I go so far as to think, like, if I can't do this right, then I'm. Then I might as well just like give up entirely on everything. Which is. Is a very, very extreme reaction to have. Like, very extreme. So the first thing I like to try and do is zoom out and remember, like, big picture.

Like, even if, like, worst case scenario, I did actually do a f****** terrible job and I get fired, it's not the end of the world. Like, it will not kill me. Life will go on. That's not going to happen. But, like, I have to remind myself, like, in the grand scheme of things, like, this is one project. And like, let's say I do not the best job in the world, okay? People have done poor jobs at things before and gone on with their lives. So I have to try and, like, zoom out, remind myself of that. So the first thing I do is I zoom out.

The second thing I like to do is think about what's in my control and not in my control and then focus on what I can control. Because oftentimes I also will go into this headspace of, like, I can't do anything, or I feel like I have to try and fix everything. And I need to remind myself I can only do what I can do. And so I'm gonna focus on what I can do, not what I can't do. So I'll make a list of. Okay, here's all that. For example, if I got edits for something, I'll make a list of all of the things that I can do confidently.

And I start there and focus on things I can control instead of focus focusing on the things I can't control. And then the third thing I do is I let myself vent. I didn't used to do a very good job of this. I'm a lot better at this now than I used to be. But it's okay to need to vent any feelings that come up, any thoughts that come up. So I called my mom and I was like, mom, I just need to vent. I don't need you to do anything besides sit on the other line and let me just yap for 10 minutes about my frustrations, about what I'm anxious about, and just let me run my mouth.

And that's always good. Cause it gets me out of my head, right? Otherwise I'm just spiraling by myself, which is like. Like not helpful or productive whatsoever. So it's good to, like, let it out somewhere. You can also journal about it. But just getting it out of the head is really, really important and helpful. So. And then also, like, taking some space. Like, the fourth thing I'll do is take space. So, like, go for a walk. Go do something completely unrelated and different. So, like, rather than like, staying so focused on the thing that is making me feel that way, taking a break from it for like an hour or two and focusing on something entirely different.

And usually once I do all four of those things, I come back with a Fresh mind. I come back without all of the, like, rumble and anxiety and stress and frustration. And I come back and it's a lot easier for me to look at things objectively and go, okay, these are just notes. And I just have to put them into place. Like, I just have to make these changes. It's really not. Nobody wrote in here like, you suck at your job. You're really bad. We hate you. Like, that's all just. That's in here. Like, whatever I'm reading between the lines is what I'm.

Is a story I'm making up. I'm still sick. Sort of, you know, like, the last bit of being sick, where it's like. Like, it's like, oh, I'm. I'm done. And then you'll have, like, a really nasty cough suddenly come up, or, like, your nose just starts dripping in the middle of nowhere. That's where I'm at. But, yeah, so I forgot where I was. But. Sorry I'm reading this comment. The fact they wanted something else doesn't mean you didn't do it well, it just means it may not have turned out in the way they envisioned.

Yes, exactly. It totally true. Like, especially when it comes to creative things, like, which is what it is, like, a creative project. Like, a lot of people have different ideas, and it's hard to really, like, be able to know what that's going to be until I put something in front of them and they can specifically say, like, actually, no, this is not. We wanted it this way. So I have to remind myself of that as well as. Well, it doesn't mean I didn't do. I didn't create a good product. It just means creatively, it needs to go in a different direction.

So reminding myself of that too. So thank you for that. I agree on that part. But, yeah, it is so wild how much that's still ingrained in me and how much getting criticism or feedback like that can really, really, like, send me into that super, like, a very extreme headspace of, like, I should just quit and tell them I can't finish it, I can't do it. And I've. I've done that before, like, in the past when I feel like I can't do something perfectly, I don't do it at all. Like, instead of trying to just do it good enough or just do it at all, I.

I, like, pull my name out of the hat. I'm like, nope, I'm gonna pass this off to somebody else because I. I just can't. Like, it's Like, I can't stomach the idea of not meeting an expectation, so I'd rather not try. So I'm. I'm glad that I have not stayed with that pattern of just throwing in the towel and sticking with it and being okay with not creating a perfect product. Product. But it's really hard for me. It's something I really, really struggle with and it's something I'm still working on for sure and letting go of in different.

All different areas of my life, not just with work. And yeah, it's just interesting. I haven't noticed that come up in a while. So that was a really fun one to. To get to do to deal with today so you don't have to shut up. I love examples. They're beautiful. I appreciate them. Thank you. Yeah. So those are my, like, my four ways of coping with negative feedback, criticism, rejection. Again, first thing is zooming out, getting the bigger picture. Second thing is like focusing on what I can control, not what I can't control.

Third thing is like letting it out, processing, venting, talking to somebody. Just like, get the thoughts out of your head and then taking time away. So. So that's what I've been practicing. I've done the first three already. I'm gonna do the fourth one now. I'm gonna take some time away, go for a long walk, maybe go to the gym, just do something that is not related to work and give my brain a little bit of a break and space from things. Put my phone on dnd not read the messages that are coming through about whatever other comments are coming through and then sit down and focus it in a singular way later tonight.

So that's just my plan. And if that's something that you resonate with or deal with too, would love to know there's one more. Not doing the job perfectly does not mean that I'm bad. Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know. It's just so hard for me to believe it, you know, it's like one thing to know it, it's another to believe it in here, you know, to take what I know and put it in here. I don't know why there's so many accents today. I think I need to go do something silly also. I think I need to let out some silly energy.

I think that would assist me quite well. So here we are. Okay, my loves, I hope that you are all thriving and not just surviving, but if you're not thriving, I hope you're surviving and I will see you. Shame time, same place next week. Okay. Love you very much. And I hope you have a lovely rest of your Thursday. It's Thursday days.