One of the hardest parts of parenting, especially autism parenting, isn’t the logistics. It’s the guilt. The guilt of canceling. The guilt of changing plans. The guilt of choosing your kid and your nervous system over being “reliable” or “easy.” Today reminded me that guilt isn’t always a signal you did something wrong. Sometimes it’s just proof that you care deeply about everyone involved. Listening to my gut didn’t mean I stopped supporting my community. It just meant I supported them differently than I planned. And here’s the part I keep learning the hard way: The people who truly belong in your circle don’t want you to sacrifice your peace to prove your commitment. They want you safe. They want your family okay. They want you whole. Letting go of guilt doesn’t happen all at once. But moments like this help loosen its grip. Where does guilt show up for you most as a parent or caregiver?
Heavy days sometimes call for softer expectations. Staying put is the most supportive thing you can do for everyone involved. So lean on the people and let them lean on you as well.
Today was one of those days where there just wasn't a perfect answer. You know, I was supposed to head to an event that had nothing to do with all of the heavy news that we have going on here in Minnesota right now. And I actually, it may have been fun. It may have been a break, kind of a distraction from everything. But right before I was getting ready to leave, my anxiety kicked in because things heated up even more. And so now, out of nowhere, because I'm a parent, I was about to leave my son and my sister at home when things around us felt unsettled and dangerous.
So old me would have probably just pushed through anyway and in worry the entire time that I was gone, because I don't like letting people down. But instead, I listened to that quiet voice that I have now that said, you know, not today. And making that call to cancel was hard because I didn't want to let everybody down or that I'd look flaky or that they think I was asking for too much grace. But then something really amazing happened. They understood completely. And that felt amazing. Because parenting isn't about pushing forward sometimes it's knowing when.
Staying put is the most supportive thing you can do for everyone involved. So heavy days sometimes call for softer expectations. And if you're feeling it today, you are not alone. So lean on the people and let them lean on you as well. So who's currently part of your support circle right now when things are feeling hard like they are right now? And if I'm one of those people, I'm definitely here for you.
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