Disorganization & Anxiety

Hi, everybody. Am I live? It's dan coach. Dan Cunningham with Cadre. Hey, everybody. Sorry about that little technical difficulties getting started here. Hi, I'm Dan. Welcome. Hello, Cadre family. I am a life coach and a professional organizer and an abuse survivor, and I want to talk tonight a little bit about organization and anxiety and what the two have to do with each other. There's so much to say on the topic. I hope I don't go too long, so it's great to be here with you guys. I'm going to flip the camera the opposite way because I can't read the comments.

Certified life coach and professional organizer, and I'm a content creator, and I am so excited to be a part of the Cadre family. I'm going to talk about some stuff that's personal PTSD, like little issues. It's too late. I'm living in my 60th year of life. I've been in and out of therapy my whole life, and there's still so much work to do. And within the house, six years, and they already were. They probably didn't think they were going to have any other kids. So our house was under construction, and it was chaotic, and I was deep, and it was a very confusing, always scanning the environment around me for inadequacies or for danger or risk or anything that I needed to be alert of.

So in the chaos of the household I grew up in, and, you know, in that time, I can think about it, I was, you know, about four years old. My baby brother and my mom were forming this incredible connection. I noticed it was totally different than what I was experiencing. Our house was chaotic. I had an older, very abusive brother. I'm not sure the abuse had started back then at that point, but. So I was struggling as a four year old child with debilitating anxiety. And the way I coped with that was to make sure that my s*** was in order, like my poop was in a group.

If I could go to my room, no matter what was going on in the house, if I could go to my room and find some kind of calm, it was a safe place for me. So I tried to keep it as orderly as possible, and I also tried to keep our whole house as orderly as possible. And we have baby books. All four of us have books that my mom filled out from our infant years through, I don't know, whatever age. And it's funny, with four boys, my older brother's is packed full of information. I'm pretty full. My younger brother, there's barely anything in it.

And my youngest brother, I think there's like a picture of when he was born. Clearly my mom was running out of time to devote to filling out baby books. But one of the really cool things in my baby book is this little excerpt that my mom wrote. And it said that I am extremely tidy and I'm always, you know, trying to keep things in order more. My aunt tells me my little clothes were all lined up in my closet by, you know, type and color. And in therapy, it wasn't until I conveyed some of those stories that I realized that I was learning how to cope.

And one of the ways I learned how to cope was organization. So for me to be later in life, and I've been an organizer for many, many years, and I've been coaching for many years too, but it wasn't, you know, it took a while before I realized that the two were so powerful together. Because every time I would help somebody on an organization product, there was always something else connected. There was always a trauma or a loss or, you know, some. Some monumental change. Actually, not always monumental.

Some change that would shift to either put somebody into a disorganized state, and I was the other way around. When things got really crazy, I would make sure all my stuff was in order so you can see how they are both so related. And there's so much to talk about when it comes to organization and our state of mind. I always like to say, you know, to simplify, if you were staying at the Ritz Carlton one night and you woke up to a wake up call and the front desk was saying, you're out of here. Like motel six has a room for you and pack your stuff and you're out of here.

I'm sorry, we have to place you somewhere else. You would feel a difference. You would feel a major difference. And it probably, I mean, there's a place in everybody's life for motel six. No share, you know, no hate to motel six, but the point I'm making is our environment plays a very, very big role in the way we think, the way we feel, and the way we show up in the world. If you're running behind in the morning and you can't find your keys, and you have a meeting at eight and it's quarter two, and you know you're gonna be late, you are frantic, you're probably p*****.

You're, you know, dealing with all of these emotions. You're rushing, your body temperature is increasing. And if and when you do show up at your appointment, you're so frazzled that you're not at your best, you know, you're just barely, you know, sometimes just barely trying to make it through. And I know for me, that was the case. I still get so frustrate, flustered, if I cannot find something that I put into my system. I call it. My keys are always hanging in a spot where I can find them. My wallet is always right next to it.

I put a basket by the door to make sure that everything that I need for the next day is there. So I have systems in place that I learned as a youngster that would help me cope and help me get from being aggravated, you know, just living more anxious. It really was a group of systems that I put in place to help keep my anxiety under control as a little kid. So when anybody. When anything I need to find isn't where I put it, even in adulthood, I have an anxious reaction. So I try to stay organized.

But one thing I'm doing is, you know, I'm trying to really dive in to the anxiety and the source of that and remember that I'm not in that household anymore. I'm in a loving relationship. I'm safe. I have a amazing, supportive community around me. Thank you, Cadre family. One thing I want to talk about. I want to tell you guys this story. I shared it with Katie last night. I have been having some breakdowns, dealing with some really vivid. Because, you know, I say they're not a memory because they've never gone away.

It's something that's always on a loop. Not the same one, but I described it as like a line of movies or videos, movie clips lined up, ready to come into my mind at a rate that I normally could control them throughout my life. That's just kind of what it feels. What it felt like when I was trying to describe it. And what was happening to me the other morning was all of those memories were flooding in all at the same time. And I have been really, really busy. I'm loving how busy I am. But my surroundings are much more unorganized than they ever have been.

Not sure they played a huge part into this at this point, but I know it played some part. And so I was in and out of these emotional releases. And I was thinking, I need help. I need to talk to somebody. It was early. I hadn't had any coffee yet. Brian and I had slept in different rooms. So I was by myself with our dog, Jack. And I was just crying and crying and thinking how I need some help. I need, you know, I need a support. Group or something, and I was on my phone on Google looking for. Looking for support groups in my area for PTSD, and all of a sudden, whoosh.

It came to me, you know, when we're in the middle of processing negative emotions and feelings, everything else is secondary. We're just pumping in all of our energy into just coping with what's coming at us in our mind and what's happening to our bodies. And all of a sudden, whoosh. It came over me. Cadre. Cadre. I am a part of a family already that offers so much support in all these different areas with incredible coaches and people with life experiences and professional training that are there whenever you're ready.

It doesn't always have to be alive, right? But there's so much content on this platform and so much of it is so useful. So I shared with Katie that I had to laugh because I'm in this panic mode thinking I need to leave the house to go to find some support group. Like, right then, I was in such a panic, and that feeling that I had, that Cadre was available to me was like a big, big, warm blanket, and it made me cry even more. But they were happy and grateful tears, and I had to share that with Katie.

I thought, man, this is what Cadre is about. So, I know I've kind of veered way off of the topic, organization and anxiety, but the two are so very connected, and it is such a blessing to be able to be a part of this community and share my strength and my struggles authentically with people who might need to hear about it. So my thought is, if, you know, my stories can help just one person, I've always heard this and thought, ugh, whatever, with your one person, and I get it. If I could just help one little guy or girl who's living in a household where things are just whack, if I could just help one of them, how cool that would be, how awesome that would be if at four years old or five years old or whatever age, somebody was there for me, like Cadre is right now.

I don't want to insinuate that I did not have help. I was afforded a lot of help through therapy. And the funny thing was, is I was afforded therapy because my mom and dad were getting divorced, and so my mom was trying to stick it, my dad, any way she could, and having to take me to therapy or having him to pay for therapy because of what was going on in our household was how I entered therapy. But there was a day in therapy when I realized that perfect family that I thought I was in. I didn't have any reference point.

I didn't know any other. I didn't have much to compare my life to. I mean, we were very social and there was lots of stuff going on and we were seeing other families, but inside closed doors, I thought everybody's family was like that. And in therapy I realized, boy, you are lucky to have made it to a place where you can get some help. And that was a great lesson for me. I was 15 when I started therapy and I've been fortunate enough throughout my life when things have. When s*** has hit the fan that I know, I know, okay, it's time.

I need to call somebody. I need to reach out. I need to get it back into therapy, I need to meditate, I need to get in nature. So I have so much to share with you guys. I'm really, really excited. I'm scared. I'm going through my own personal stuff and I know that that can be a little much sometimes, but in my gut, I know this is where I'm supposed to be right here, right now, talking to you guys. So I want to thank you so much for the other coaches that are on. Thank you so much for this opportunity and for allowing me to be a part of the Cadre family.

And if you want to look at my videos here on Cadre, subscribe. And I know when you subscribe. I've subscribed to other coaches and when they go live, you get a notification. So if you want to be notified when I go live the next time, I'm going to come up with a little bit more structured schedule for going live and I'm going to be posting a lot more content this next week, so hit the subscribe button. Watch for me if you're in the mood and we can talk about all kinds of stuff. Organization and anxiety and depression and adoption and physical abuse and verbal abuse and sexual abuse.

I was telling somebody the other day, I've covered them all. I've been affected by them all and I have come out the other side so much stronger. And I think everything I've gone through up until today has gotten me ready for the work I'm doing now. Don't give up. If you need help, reach out. There's so many great people here and if I can ever do anything to help you out, please don't hesitate to reach out. I'm getting a little chokey. I'm gonna say good night. I've also gone no contact with my family.

You guys are the first people I've told that, too. Outside of my immediate family here with Brian. And I tell Jack, but he doesn't really get it. That is a huge, huge, huge step. A very scary step. But I've taken it. And Brian and I are going to go out and celebrate. I told Katie I was going to. I refer to Katie. Those of you who don't know Katie, Katie is one of the big cheeses here at Cadre and she is incredible. Her life experience is so amazing. But anyway, I shared with Katie that Brian and I were going to go out and celebrate before my live tonight.

And I was saying, you know, I probably shouldn't have any drinks. And then I had this visual of me all boozy and slurring my words. And not that I get like that, but anyway, it was funny to think about what my life would have been like had I had, you know, a couple cocktails. So I decided to wait and. But we're gonna go out to dinner now. Thank you so much for hopping on and allowing me to share my experience. I love you guys. Keep coming back here if you need help. And don't forget to reach out.

It's so important. And don't give up. As long as you're alive, there's time. All right, everybody, have a good night. November 1, we got a big month ahead of us. There's lots of stuff happening, so stay tuned and we'll see you soon. Have a good night, you guys.