If You're Not Failing, You're Not Trying

Hey, Cadre family doctor Carey here. Do you live with regrets? Most people I know that have regrets, it's usually about not doing something or not experiencing something. I am happy to say that I actually don't live with any regrets because even though I made some bad decisions in my past, I wouldn't be who I am today without that. And as I was reflecting on this, I realized that I'm kind of in a minority of somebody who doesn't live with regret. So why is that? And as I peeled back some of the layers, I really figured out the source of that is my fear of failure.

Because if I say that I live with regrets, it means that I failed at something. It means I didn't do something right, and I have a fear of failure. So really, after I unpeeled the layers of this not living with regrets, I came into that realization that I have a serious fear of failure. And most people who know me know that I'm extremely motivated, driven. I get things done. My number one strength on the strength finders test is achiever. I will achieve any goal I set out. But what I also realized is I don't make goals unless I know I can accomplish them.

And how is that holding me back in life, then, if I'm not ever allowing myself to fail at something? And I don't want to dig into the topic of regrets more, I want to look at what does failure mean to someone? Because for you, a regret might not mean failure, but for me, that's what it means. So really, why do I have this fear of failure? Well, I grew up in a household of really accomplished people, really motivated, driven. This was just kind of the environment I was surrounded by. My parents always told us, there is nothing you can't do.

And I love them for that. There is nothing I go after that I will ever take a no, I'll never take no for an answer. But really, what does that mean then? That I'm only going after things that I know I'm going to accomplish? Because one of my favorite quotes is, if you're not failing, you're not trying. So how often does failure come up for you that keeps you in a place of not even trying something? Because I know that rings true for me. As much of an achiever as I am, I definitely don't do certain things or try to accomplish certain goals because I fear that I might fail at them.

But really, failure, if you think about it, when you're teaching your kid how to walk or a little kid is learning how to ride a bike, they have to learn how to fall in order to stay standing up, right. They have to understand that, you know, if I'm on a bicycle and I turn my handlebars this way and I don't offset my balance, then I'm going to fall. And how do they learn that? Through trial and error? They learn it through failing. So really we're made from birth to learn from failures to really grow through our failures.

Because if you don't try something, you'll never know if it worked, right? You can assume by logic, which is how I usually do it, I logically think through all of the strategic steps that I would need to accomplish something. And if I come to the conclusion that it's probably not going to turn out the way I want it to, I won't even start. But what am I missing out on along the way? Recently, one of my biggest fears of failure was quitting my job and jumping into launching my own business. And I really stayed in this place of fear for a while that I can't do it.

What if I don't make any money at it? You know, I'm putting my whole livelihood on this. But it was that sitting in that fear of failure that kept me from actually taking that leap. And when I really uncovered what that was and realized I can have a backup plan if I want, that's okay. But I'm going to be way more all in if I don't have a backup plan. So there's so many experiences in life that we miss out on because we fear failure. How about relationships? That's another really big one for me. I definitely feel terrified in new relationships because I think they're going to fail.

So I will unconsciously or subconsciously sabotage a relationship because I fear it's not going to work out. When in reality, how many relationships actually work out? Usually just one in your lifetime. If your goal is marriage, it's usually just the one. So you have to go through that process of dating and trying things out to learn about yourself and learn about the other person in order to figure out which one is going to be the one that you want to pick if you want to get married. So again, this topic can apply to so many aspects of our lives, but I now, when I have that fear of failure come up, I first recognize it and then second, just tell it to go away.

I saying, no, I'm choosing to take a risk because, you know, I would speak that over myself. I'm not a risk taker. Well, actually, I am a risk taker. And there's nothing wrong with being a risk taker in life because what that means is you're going to really experience life to the fullest. So if that's something you say about yourself, change that narrative right now. I'm not a risk taker. I always play it safe. Stop saying those things about yourself and start saying, I am a risk taker. And it's okay that I'm a risk taker because that's when I'm really going to experience life and live life to the fullest.

Thanks for tuning in with me on this topic today, guys. I know there's a lot more areas we could go down in paths on this and I'll expand on it more, but I just wanted to touch briefly on that fear of failure because it really rings true for people like me who are perfectionists, who want to do everything right in this world and who want to achieve every goal that they set out. So stay tuned. I'll be talking more about this topic in the future as well. Thank you.