Breaking the Inner Fear Monologue

Hey, Cadre, family doctor Kerry here. I used to be a huge worrier. You can fact check this with my mom if you want. When I was younger, I used to lay awake at night, like for 2 hours and couldn't fall asleep because I would worry about everything, everything from small things, like, what if that person doesn't like me? Not that that's a small thing to, to literally, like, what if our house burns down tonight while I'm sleeping? I mean, it went to the extremes with worry and fear. I was a fearful person my whole life until about a year or two ago, actually.

So if you struggle with this, just know that this is a thing. And I thankfully have, you know, not battled with other things that people have battled with, but this has been a really big thing for me that I have struggled with for years of my life. And it can just be, honestly, sometimes how you're wired, it could maybe even be from childhood. I, you know, I, my family, I would say we all struggle with this. We all battle with fear and worry. And so to change this behavior, to break this pattern, is really hard when you've spent your whole life struggling with this.

So I wanted to just give you a few tips today on how maybe you can do that, how I overcame it, and maybe you'll find some freedom from fear. But first thing to recognize is, am I a fearful person? Am I a worrier? Do I go there automatically in my mind? Do I let that monologue continue in my head? Do I entertain those crazy ideas and thoughts sometimes that come in that are just ineffective and not helpful? And maybe another way to phrase this is, are you always worried about the outcome of something?

Are you always worried that something is not going to go well? And maybe you have a lot of data to support that things don't go well in your life. And so you've adopted fear and worry as a coping mechanism, as a response mechanism for things that have not gone well in your life. And that's okay. But you don't have to live in bondage to fear. And so first, just recognize if this is something you struggle with. And what happens then in your brain when you go to fear and worry? Oftentimes we entertain that voice that comes in and we allow it to kind of run wild in our mind for a while.

Sometimes it goes to complete, like, utter control over our mind that we cannot stop it and we are just now completely run over by it. So I want to invite you to try something. It might sound kind of silly, but when you, when you catch yourself going to fear and worry, especially if you're by yourself. And it's that monologue that's just running in your head immediately when you catch it. Say out loud, I don't have a fearful mind. I am not a fearful person. I am not going to give in to this irrational worry and fear.

And maybe part of you thinks it is rational, so maybe you don't say that, but say, I am not a fearful person. I have a sound mind. I have control over my mind, and I'm going to stop that voice from going. So saying it out loud is super powerful to almost snap your brain back in. There's actually, like, scientific evidence of when you speak the words out loud, that it makes other parts of your brain work. So it actually stops that monologue from working in a certain area of your brain, because now you're speaking and you have to listen to yourself say that.

So try that. Secondly, and thirdly, I know I've done this in another video, but play the and then what game? And then what? Okay, so maybe let's entertain this out loud. Let's talk this out. If this happens, let's talk about, like, finances, because that's something I've struggled with fear around for many years of my life, and I still have to do this game. And so I say, okay, so if I can't pay my bills at the end of the month, and then what? Well, then I get late charges on my apartment rent. And then what?

Then I owe them more money. And then what? Then eventually they evict me. And then what? And then I have nowhere to live. And then I'm homeless. And, like, once you go down that thought pattern, you get to kind of the, the craziest outcome that could possibly happen. And sometimes it's a valid fear, but then you start to realize, okay, that's a little bit unrealistic. I don't think that's gonna happen to me. I know that there are other people that can support me financially if I end up in that situation, and I'm not gonna be homeless, and I'm pretty resourceful, so I can probably go find a job that pays enough for me to make rent.

So, I mean, you start to kind of go there with the crazy thought process and the irrational thought process. So play that game. And then what game? And if you're struggling with that, this is the last thing. Call someone and tell them. Sometimes when you start speaking out loud, the thing that you're most fearful about or worried about, you realize how silly it sounds and you can process it with someone in the same time. So maybe it doesn't sound silly. Maybe you think that's a super valid fear and that's why you're holding on to it, because it's valid and you want to worry about it, because you're like, if I don't, then what happens?

And you can't even play the then what game. So call someone and tell them. Sometimes when we speak it out loud, it releases the power that it has over your mind. And I can speak from personal experience that this is super effective. When I call someone and I start speaking, I'm like, okay, that does sound a little bit far fetched. I think I do have some valid reasons to be worried about that, but maybe not to the extreme that's going on in my brain right now. So try that as well. So for those of you, like me, who've struggled with fear and worry your whole life, I see you.

I acknowledge it. I know what it's. I know the struggle, and I just hope that these tips were helpful for you to overcome it. I know that I still battle with it, but I do this probably on a daily basis, and that's what it takes sometimes to walk in freedom from something that you've struggled with for a really long time. So I hope this was helpful for you guys. Have a great day.