Your Ride or Die

Hey, Cadre family doctor Kerry here. Just gonna wait for the live stream to kick on so everybody can join me today. All right, let's get started. So we're gonna talk about your ride or die. And I love this phrase because I speak a lot to EMS audiences, first responders and police, paramedics, fire. And they literally live by that phrase, right? They have a ride or die because they are with their partner riding, and they're either going to ride together to that scene or they're going to die together.

So this is, it's such a, like, brotherhood, sisterhood kind of mentality. But for somebody who doesn't work in that field, why is this an important concept? Well, you have to have people like that in your life. And I can tell you this from my personal experience, I used to really struggle with being vulnerable and opening up to people. And those that know me now would say, really? Like, that's. That's kind of how you are. But I used to really struggle with vulnerability and opening up to people.

So I would put everything I had into a relationship with a significant other. They became my safety net. They became my go to person for all emotional needs. And I could really just be vulnerable with that one person. And what that does is it actually creates an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship when. When you put all of that energy into one person, being kind of like your support, your savior, your person, you go to with happy, joyful things, too. When you only open up to one person, it puts a really unhealthy dynamic and strain on that relationship.

So that's why it's so important that we have friendships outside of our relationships. Or even if you're not in a relationship, why you have friends? Because we're not meant to do this life alone. We are creatures of community. Whether you're an introvert or extrovert, it doesn't matter. We still need community. It's so, so valuable. Our brains are actually wired to want community, to want to be with other people. And I know I've talked to some introverts this weekend, and they're like, my brain is not wired that way.

It's not. I like to sit by myself on my couch. But actually, you can still get filled up as an introvert with a one on one conversation. And I can thank my friend for telling me that. Cause I'm not an introvert. But we do need community. We are wired to want it. We're wired to live by it. Whether you need time to recharge or not by yourself, we need community to do life and to do life well, because the first thing that happens when you get good news is you want to pick up the phone and call someone.

You want to share that with someone. And same thing. When something bad happens, when you receive some unpleasant news, you usually want to tell someone because we want to share that with someone else. And so I just want to encourage you today. First of all, if you're somebody who does not have a ride or die, a person that you can call when you are struggling with something, when you have good news to share with something to share with someone, look inward. Are you struggling with being open and vulnerable like I was?

Because that's what kept me from having meaningful friendships and why I struggled with friends for so many years of my life, because I didn't do the inward look to say, gosh, I need to be a little bit more vulnerable with people. And I'm not saying being vulnerable with everybody, but I'm saying have your people that you can be really yourself with that aren't going to judge you. So that's point number two, to find people that aren't going to judge you. And sometimes it takes saying to them, like, I really need to be able to just share something with you and not have you judge me.

And maybe you need to preface it with that, but, like, just accept me for the human being that I am today, but that you have people that you can have that trusting and vulnerable relationship with. And the reason why is because when. When s*** gets hard, when life gets hard, we do need that support. We need that community of people. And so I know who my go tos are, especially when I am in a great, committed, loving relationship. But my fiance is on the other side of the world. m. I can't call him because he's sleeping.

So I need to have that support network outside of him. So I have my friends, the people that I can call, the people that I know are going to be there with me through the good times and the bad. And I just want to stress how important this is. But also that you cultivate those relationships. Maybe you're somebody who's like, gosh, time goes by, and I don't spend a lot of time, you know, reaching out, and I just don't maintain friendships very well. Change that. Maybe it's only with one person that you do that with, but that you get, like, a monthly dinner date on the calendar.

If that's something that you struggle with, just get it on the calendar. Just mark it down and be like, you know what? I'm going to need my girl time, my guy time, and put it on the calendar and plan out that you're going to have that time to really invest in each other's lives and just continue to foster that friendship if it's something you struggle with. But I just can't stress enough what the change has been in my life since I started doing this, since I started really investing in friendships and picking the ones that I can be vulnerable with.

I can tell you that it can lead to heartache. It can lead to hurt feelings at times, too. That's what being vulnerable at sometimes ends up in, where you have a friendship and that person no longer becomes a good person for advice or a good person to go to because they're dealing with their own stuff. Usually that's the case and they can't be a support to you. But I just want to emphasize that if you don't have those people in your life, go find them and cultivate those friendships. Because when you need them, it's so, so valuable to have your ride or die people with you and go there.

Be vulnerable with them. Open up. Be transparent about what you're struggling with. We all struggle with something in life, and I guarantee the second you open up to someone that you can trust, they're not going to judge you. They're going to be there for you and say, yeah, I've struggled with that, too. So I hope this was inspiring. And if you have any comments, questions about how to continue building friendships, how to pick the right friendships, I've been through it all. I've been through iterations of friendships, waves of them being kicked out of friend groups.

I've had a lot of struggles with friends in my life, and I finally kind of got, got it down now as an adult. So if you are struggling with this, don't have shame about that. I've been there and just reach out. If you need any help from us here at Cadre, we are your family. We are engaging with you in our videos, in our community feed. So just comment if you need help with anything. We're here for you. Love you guys. Have a good one.