What’s In Your Toolbox?

Just me. Hey, everyone. The thing about the two of us being business partners and best friends is we're telepathic now. Yep. And we didn't plan on wearing pink to this live stream together, but here we are. I feel like I need to give a special shout out to the one and only Risa. You know, Miss Risa, who gave me this lovely pink, pink leopard headband to accentuate my pink outfit. And we hope you are having a pink or bright fantastic Tuesday. We're coming to you weekly. Every Tuesday, we talk about what is in your toolbox or what's not in your toolbox that you need to work on adding.

Because as much as it would be cool to go to the hardware store and add conflict resolution or the ability to be confident or you name it, wherever you're lacking or lagging into your toolbox, it's not that simple. What is simple, though, is the concept of the work that needs to be put in for you to acquire the skill set that you're looking for. And that's why we come on and talk about toolbox Tuesdays. So today we want to bring a conversation that the two of us had with this awesome guest we had on our podcast, and it was all about you as an adult, whether you are a parent or not, being a safe space for other people.

Leadership, right? Leadership is not. You've all seen the typical pictorial of what leadership is versus what it isn't. So it's not the person on the back with the whip telling people to go faster. It's the person leading from the front, person who can have empathy. It's the person who can have sympathy. It's the person who responds and does not react. And why we found this so poignant to bring to the table today was this comment that he made, this podcast guest that we had around how he parented his children.

Children can be difficult. Jill, do you have kids? I have two of them. Are they difficult? And every single day, I pray, practice. Ooh. I practice a lot of patience because they test you. Children are your greatest teachers. So, yes, I understand that fully. Okay, next question. Are you a boss? Yes. Not just in this business. But you were once a corporate level leader, as Lululemon? Yes. What was the biggest team you ever ran? Oh, I was a regional manager, so I oversaw an entire region, so I probably managed over 500 people.

Are employees difficult? Yes. Okay. So my point in that whether it's children, whether it's employees, if you are a leader, you're gonna come across situations that make you feel like this, we always refer to it as sandpaper. No correlation to tools in the toolbox, but it actually fits really, really well. Very punny. Sandpaper is gritty, right? It doesn't feel good when you're getting sandpapered, but that end result is refinement. It usually comes out softer after you sandpaper than it did before you started.

So our guest brought up the fact that he had, like a no questions asked policy with his children because he wanted them to come to him with the small stuff. So when big problems came about, they knew that they had a trusted source that they could go to, that they, without a doubt, he would come to their aid and help wherever he could. That was not to say there were not consequences for actions, but in the moment, rather than react to what was happening versus respond, he wanted to be the one who responded.

So they knew that he was someone that they could depend on. When we heard this, it's not like we haven't thought about these things, but about the way that he said it was so heartwarming, because then what happened, especially when his children were in high school, they called him when they needed him. And in the car, silence. Because they knew that dad is going to respond by picking them up. There's going to be no questions in the car. And then the next day, they're going to revisit the conversation.

And for me, I was like, man, how did you have constraint? But truly, I feel like what I learned in him sharing that were a couple of things. One, that he was managing his own expectations. Because when your kids call you in a moment of panic or stress, it's hard as a parent to not want to fly off the handles and discipline and react and yell. But for him, he really practiced that constraint and lowered his expectations to say, you know what? I'd rather have my child call me as a safe adult where I know that I can pick him up and he's going to be safe.

And then we'll talk about it the next day rather than the flip side of that coin. Because I know, speaking personally, if you can relate to this, go ahead and raise your hand. I can't see you. So you're not really admitting guilt, but I drop an emoji. Let's see. Right? I made a lot of silly choices when I was in a period of my life that my brain wasn't fully developed, aka high school young adult. And I made choices that I look back on now and I know someone was protecting me because I made it home safe or nothing worse happened.

And there were instances where bad things did happen, but of course you could always raise the notch. Something worse could have happened. And I'm super thankful for those times. But I made those decisions because I didn't have the experience of somebody telling me to call them regardless, because what I was fearful of was, a, getting in trouble, b. Being judged right. Whenever I got in trouble, it was a snap, quick decision. There was usually words exchanged. I was yelled at, I was grounded. Things were taken away from me.

And like I said, I'm not saying our podcast guest didn't also have consequences for his children, but they were done in a different way. So they grew up knowing that their parents were the first ones to go to, not the first ones to avoid going to, to lie to. So whether you're a parent and this applies to you, and it's something that you can practice in your parenting or you're a leader and just a news flash, in case you're wondering, everyone listening into this, including Jill and I talking, are leaders.

You have impact and influence over the people in your life, and they'll look to you for certain examples of how you respond versus how you react in certain circumstances. So practice these skills. Whether you are leading one person, which is your spouse, or maybe you're a single mom or dad, allow yourself to flex this muscle with the one person. So when you have a team of 2030, 40, 50, 60 people, you understand why it matters and why it's important. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes, remembering potentially who you once were as a teenager.

If you are a parent and if you are a leader, people want to be seen as a person, not a number. So how do you look at people as people over profit? Because the more that you can see them as someone besides them doing a job, they will absolutely perform for you because they feel comfortable. They know that you're going to listen to them, you're going to challenge them, you're going to relate to them. And truly, that is going to move the needle forward whether you are a leader or moving the needle in a different way with your family.

Right? It's the same team mentality. We go a lot further together than we do apart. And when you don't feel like you're on the same team as somebody who might be a part of your family or some sort of corporate structure, you guys going in opposite directions does nothing for the combined mission of the team. So think about that the next time you are compiling a team or wanting to get people to move forward with you. How are you doing it? Are you the leader that these people know that they can come to with trusted information, whether it's feedback or whatever it is?

Are you that person somewhere? If this is kind of stirring something up for you and you're like, where do I start? Honestly, it's getting quiet. It's getting quiet in order then to move into action. But if you're clouded, if your judgment is clouded because your thoughts are constantly going, that means you're on autopilot. So really take a step back. And where in your day do you have time to reflect so you can really figure out, where do I need to approach my team, my family first? Because if you're feeling overwhelmed, like you're not doing a good job in so many areas, you're not gonna do anything.

It's analysis by paralysis. It is analysis by paralysis. So if there's anything that we can encourage you today, it is getting quiet. Figuring out that one thing because one thing and you approaching it in a way that makes you feel proud, that's you doing the hard thing first. I promise you, that's going to then breed other. It's a snowball effect. It'll affect other areas. It'll allow you to have the courage to approach something differently. So start small in order to see big wins. I would say the next step of getting quiet, what you want to pile on top of that is, yes, you're going to open up some awareness.

One of my number one rules in life that I live by, I have a post it note on my mirror that I look at every single day is question everything. And everything starts with me, because we walk around thinking that the way we do things is the best way to do them. And it's programming. It's what we got from our parents, our environment. It's how we were raised. We implement those same tools and tactics. I start with myself. Is this the best way to go about doing this? Was this the best way to communicate how I was feeling?

I literally question absolutely everything. Because generally speaking, there's probably a better way to do it. There's probably a more effective or more efficient way to do it. It. And if you're not seeing the results that you want, or you don't have the relationships that you want with your family, with your friends, with your community, or your coworkers, start questioning why. But you do have to get quiet first, because we can't come up with the questions that we need to ask. If our minds are swirling with so many other things to do.

And that is very poignant. In today's day and age, where we get thousands of notifications, thousands of distractions in any given day. So two challenges walking away from this. Get quiet and start asking yourself some questions about how you're showing up. Jill loves to say, in order to live out loud, you gotta get quiet first. So we expect some of y'all to come back next week. Living out loud. Let's hear about it. Comment below or in the community feed. Let us know what resonated with you. What was an aha moment?

A little golden nugget. We love hearing from you. And most importantly, you're doing a great job. You really are. Give yourself some credit and continue to be in these conversations, because it's the only way that you're gonna get better is by taking a hard look in the mirror. Amen. Amen. Amen. On that note, we will see you next time. As always, we're going live on Tuesdays for these toolbox talks, so we'll see you next week. Three, two, one.