Talk to the Hand! When You Don't Want Advice

Hey, Cadre family doctor Kerry here. Someone recently asked me, how did you handle it when you received some backlash or maybe negative feedback, when you decided to switch careers, when you decided to leave your prestigious six figure paying job to go all in to start your own business and become an entrepreneur and work for a startup company? And it was a great question because I definitely couldn't have made some of those changes in my life without that fear of what other people think many years ago.

It's taken a lot of maturity for me to be able to say, you know what? I'm really confident in my decision, and I'm not going to let what other people think or say of me impact that confidence. And so here are just some tips for you. If you're struggling with this, if you're struggling with kind of like, gosh, what are people gonna say to me? What is my family gonna think of me? They spent this much money helping me get through school, getting through grad school, and I'm switching careers entirely.

I would say, first, ask yourself, do you believe in what you're doing? Do you believe in the change that you're making? Because if there's a doubt inside of you that's gonna show to other people, so first, do that check in. Do you believe with all your heart and soul that this change is what you should be doing? Because if you don't, maybe you need to wait a little bit longer until you have that certainty in your spirit that this is the decision I'm supposed to be making. When I decided to move to San Diego from Minnesota, I wasn't even looking for a job.

And it kind of just landed in my lap. And I knew that my family was not going to be super supportive about the move. And it was just really uncharacteristic of my family for someone to just want to, like, up and leave. I mean, we were all lived really close to each other in Minnesota, so I made some really strategic decisions in that moment. And I didn't even tell my family that I was interviewing for the job because I wanted to make this decision with my kind of, like, clarity of mind. I prayed about it a lot.

I talked to God a lot about it and just said, like, I don't want any external influence in making this decision, because when I do make this decision, whether I go or I stay, I really want to be confident in that decision. And so I told, I think, two people that I was interviewing for that job in San Diego. And I also prefaced that by telling them, I don't want your feedback on this until I've made my decision. And they were really respectful about that because I wanted to be certain that I was comfortable with the decision I was making.

So also do that. Maybe think about who you talk to for advice or you get feedback from. If it's people that you know are not going to be supportive, don't even go there yet. And so that way, when you have made that decision, you're super confident in it. And then I would say, when you are going to announce this decision to someone else, kind of know your boundaries in that conversation. And, like, I can tell you, I prefaced this conversation with my parents when I knew it was going to be really hurtful for them.

When I said, hey, I'm up and moving to basically, like, actually the furthest place in the country that I could have possibly gotten from home, I actually mapped it, and it was the furthest mileage in the continental United States that I could go from my home. And that was really hard for my family. I knew it was going to be hard for them. So I prefaced that conversation by saying, I know this is going to be a hard thing for you guys to hear, and I know you're probably going to have a lot of feelings, a lot of thoughts, a lot of questions.

Just know that I have made my decision and I am firm in my decision. So whatever you say isn't going to change my decision. But I'm happy to hear you out and listen to your fears and your worries. So I set that boundary with them before I even told them, you know, hey, I'm moving in six weeks. So that they knew that this was not something that they could try to manipulate or control. And it just also kind of gave them the permission to be like, you can have feelings about this, and I'm happy to listen to them, but I'm going to stay true in honoring what I've decided to do here.

And I've had to use the same technique with other things in my life and with other people. This is just one incident where I've had to say, okay, if I am that confident in my decision, then I'm going to have boundaries around that decision, too. And if people come to me and say, I can't believe you left this job and this, I can stop them and say, you know what? I really appreciate your opinion, but I'm not going to hear that from you right now. I would love to hear how you feel about me leaving my job and that I know it's really been hard, you know, I've left a gap in the organization, whatever it may be, but I don't want to invite that kind of, like, manipulation and blame game.

So just know that you can set those boundaries with people, and sometimes that leads to icky conversations, but it really is about respecting yourself and respecting the decisions that you make in life, because you only get one life. You get one life on this earth. And I know we say that like tongue in cheek, but it's so true. And for somebody who's been through something that threatened my life, I can say that with a certainty that I'm going to make the decisions that are going to be in the best interest of me and my happiness.

And while that sounds super selfish to some other people, that's how I'm going to choose to go about my life, because I know I only get one on this earth. So remember that when you're making your decisions and just have that confidence that whatever you choose is going to bring you more joy, bring you more. Whatever you're seeking, really align with your values and just stay confident in that decision that you made. So I hope this was helpful. Thank you for watching today, guys. God bless.