The Unspoken Addiction

Hey, Cadre. Family doctor Carey here. Today I'm going to get super vulnerable and I'm going to share something with you that I have not shared with hardly anyone in this world. And that is about my experience with sex and p*** addiction. And the reason I'm sharing this is because, one, I want to debunk the myth that women don't struggle with this, because they do. And it is so not talked about because it is so shameful that they just don't speak about it. And it's funny because some addictions almost have like a glamour associated with them, right?

Like there's movies made about alcoholism and there's books written about people who struggle with drugs. You know, like they're glamorous lifestyles, right, to have an addiction to a substance. But when you start bringing up a sex or a p*** addiction, it's like, oh, we don't talk about that taboo subject. Well, what's the difference between them? Really? Not much. Right. It's all a form of addiction. And so I just want to shed some light on that because really, what is an addiction? Addiction is basically using a substance other than it's intended for.

To make you numb, to make you escape from something, to make you feel happy, to give you that happy release of endorphins. And I abused alcohol as well. And this was another substance I abused. And so it's really no different than somebody who abuses food, who overeats when they have negative emotions, who drinks, who uses coke, crack cocaine, whatever you want to say. Like, it's just another form of an addiction. And it's also a spectrum, just like other addictions. It can look like somebody who just has casual sexual encounters or is.

Is even in a committed relationship and has excessive sexual relations with someone or someone who isn't in a relationship and just watches p*** every day by themselves and masturbates. It can also look like somebody who is selling their body for sex, who is engaging in making pornographic videos. It's a spectrum just like any other addiction and illness. So for me, what that looked like was essentially near the end of my marriage, seeking out sexual encounters with people outside of my marriage, usually in the form of a casual relationship, and watching p*** on a regular basis and masturbating.

It kind of waxed and waned with what stress I was under at the time in life. It could look like masturbating three, four times a day. It could look like not being in a relationship and then finding myself in a casual, really non committed relationship, basically just in a relationship with someone that wasn't intended for marriage, but that had a lot of physical encounters in it. So it really looked like a big spectrum. And I think back to when I was struggling with this, which actually wasn't that long ago, that I really broke free from this.

And I used it just like I would any other substance, just like I used alcohol. I used it as a means to feel good and to feel worthy. And especially after coming out of an unhealthy marriage where I felt so ugly and so worthless, this was a way for me to almost build confidence in a really unhealthy way. So I just, first of all, like I said, I just want to increase the awareness that this is something that people struggle with and women struggle with, and then also give you encouragement that this is something you can actually break free from.

Because I never talked about this with anyone. I was in therapy, and I didn't even really talk about this with my therapist. Right. The one person that you are supposed to be able to share everything with. So it is possible to break free from an addiction like this, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. The worst part about an addiction, especially this addiction, for me, was the shame that came with it, that then kept me in it. Because if you think about it, I would get into a relationship or casually date someone, right.

Basically just having a friend with benefits, if you want to use that phrase. And the longer it went on, the worse I felt about myself, because I actually was wanting to find a husband. I wanted to get married again, and I would find myself in a relationship with someone that was meaningless and having meaningless sexual encounters, watching p***, feeling guilty about it. And then the shame spiral that continues from that. It keeps you in a place of shame so that you actually then seek out opportunities to help yourself feel better from the shame.

So it's just. It's such a vicious cycle. And I just remember saying one day to my therapist, I'm just so lonely, and I just want companionship, and I just want comfort. And that's one of the reasons that I want to be in a relationship again. And I'm a loser if I sit at home on a Saturday night without someone to hang out with. So her question back to me was, how many people in this world do you think are sitting home right now alone on a Saturday night? Do you consider them losers? And I thought, well, no, I don't.

Well, then why am I speaking that over myself? Why am I calling myself a loser? So it took a lot of healing. It took a lot of therapy, really. Getting in touch with my own emotions and being vulnerable to come to a point where I felt like I could actually break this off. And I definitely did not do this without spiritual guidance. My faith had a big part in this and my relationship with God is really what kind of pushed me over the edge and to be able to fully break this off and not struggle with this.

But I just want to shed some light on this topic and I will share more about this topic. But just know that this is not something that you have to be in bondage with or struggle with forever. Because I know there's a lot of people that can break free from addictions like alcohol or drugs, but then they still struggle with an addiction like this. And it's not one that people talk about enough or talk about ways to actually get out of. And I'm going to provide some tips on that in future videos. But I just want to let you know that you're not alone in this and that there's hope that you can break free from this addiction and to just take that shame and set it aside.

Because the more you stay in your shame spiral of, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I did that again, or I can't believe I'm continuing to do this. You know, I'm continuing to watch p***. I'm continuing to engage in these meaningless sexual encounters. The more you allow that shame to have control over you, the more stuck you're going to be. So recognize the addiction for what it is and that it's something you struggle with and start there. Just like they say in AA meetings. Hi, I'm Carrie and I'm blank.

Own it, recognize it, and seek help. Because is an addiction just like any other addiction. And you need help. You need support. And I hope we can help you find a community of people that are going to support you through this, including some tips that I'll provide myself on how to get through this. But I just really want you guys to know that if you're struggling with a sex or a p*** addiction, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It means you're struggling with something and you have found an unhealthy coping mechanism.

And that's okay because there is healing on the other side of that. And it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just means that you have found an unhealthy mechanism to cope with negative emotions. And there are a lot of people in this world that are here to help you figure out how you can cope with those things in a healthy way. And I hope I can give you some encouragement by being living an example of someone who struggled with this and was able to break free from it, because, trust me, you can too.

I really strongly feel that you can break free from this. So thank you. Thank you for listening to me be vulnerable today. I really appreciate you guys. God bless and have a great day.