Stare at Yourself in the Mirror

Hey, Cadre family doctor Carrie here. I want to talk today about vulnerability, and I thought, what better way to talk about this topic than to show up looking like I am today? Just got off a ride on my peloton bike. I haven't showered, I'm still sweaty, and I have no makeup on whatsoever. And I thought, if I can't be vulnerable with you guys, really, what am I talking about then? Because I really need to also display vulnerability if I'm going to talk about this topic. And I can tell you that the me three, five years ago would not have been able to do this.

And not because I was one of those people that wasn't caught dead without makeup on outside, but to really share this in front of this many people and be this open and vulnerable was just not who I was. And as I've worked through what being vulnerable is and why it's so important in life, I've come to realize that being vulnerable is scary, obviously, but the reason people aren't vulnerable is because they have a reason not to be. Most people that aren't vulnerable are using it as a survival or coping mechanism.

And I've done this in relationships, especially in relationships, because I didn't feel safe opening up emotionally. So I didn't. And hence, I wasn't able to be vulnerable with someone. But the reason I didn't feel safe opening up emotionally was because I didn't have a safe space to do it, especially in my marriage, because I was in an abusive marriage with a lot of emotional and verbal abuse. So I didn't feel safe opening up and sharing a part of my soul with someone. Because for me, the physical vulnerability was not an issue.

As I delved into a sex addiction after my marriage, it wasn't about the physical intimacy. It was about the emotional intimacy and the vulnerability and really sharing with people my deepest, darkest secrets, my fears in life, especially when it came to a relationship. And how I overcame that was really just to combat it. And it started with openly sharing my sexual assault story to people and then sharing more about, you know, things I struggled with, maybe in childhood or any other traumas that I've experienced in my life.

But really, what. What's happened for me in a relationship is being able to share, like, I'm scared about this and not have that person run away, treat me poorly, being able to openly share my fears. So, for someone who's just starting off in this area, my tip to you would be to find those people that you feel safe with, because, really, what keeps people from being vulnerable and showing their true self, whether that be their true emotions, showing their true face without makeup, anything like that, is the fear of rejection and judgment.

That's really at the underpinning of why people aren't vulnerable, because they fear that they're going to be judged. They fear people are going to think poorly about them, and then they probably have some sort of internal shame going on. And maybe there's a reason you feel that way because you have been judged in the past or, you know, there's something innately that you dislike about yourself. I'm not going to say wrong about yourself, but that there is something that you're ashamed of. So that's what keeps people in a state of not being vulnerable.

So if that speaks to you, my tip for you today is just to start figuring out who do I feel safe with? Who do I know in my life that's not going to judge me? And that might not be a long list right now, and that's okay. But maybe that person starts with you. Maybe you start opening up to yourself. Maybe you look at yourself in the mirror longer than 2 seconds and really look yourself in the eye with no makeup on, completely naked, and just get comfortable with you. Because let me tell you, when I was learning how to be vulnerable, that was actually something I did was like stare at myself in the mirror and just get comfortable looking at who I was.

Because if you aren't confident with who you are, you're going to struggle being vulnerable and open up to other people in a relationship especially. So for those of you in that place, I just recommend that tip. Get comfortable with who you are. Make a list of the people that you do feel safe with and then figuring out a way to open up to them. And I'm going to talk more about this topic of vulnerability because I can go in so many directions with this. But I just want to start by saying that you are enough, that you are perfect the way God made you, and you are a beautiful human being.

And I want you to know that. And I want you to feel that. And I want you to let that sink in. Because if there's any area of shame that's keeping you from being vulnerable in a relationship, especially or with anybody in your life, just know those things that you say about yourself aren't true. They're not. And it's okay to be vulnerable. And it's safe when you get around the right people. So I would encourage you to just consider opening up your heart. And let me tell you, though, this isn't a short process.

This took me about three years, and I'm still working on it in a relationship of what it's like to actually open up and feel secure with who I am in order to be vulnerable and to get to a place where I can speak to you with no makeup on post workout on camera here today. So just, just know it's a journey and it doesn't happen overnight. But I'm going to give you some more tips on this topic about how you can be vulnerable. So thanks for tuning in today. God bless.