What’s In Your Toolbox?

Hello. Hi, everyone. Hi, everyone. Happy Tuesday. It's Tuesday. Tuesday. Toolbox Tuesday. Yes. Toolbox Tuesday, where we talk about all the things that you have, or consequently maybe do not have in your toolbox that we can infuse and help you lead just a more fulfilled life. If you don't know us, my name is Mary. I'm Jill. We are best friends and business partners. We own a company called girls mentorship. So we teach life and personal development skills to teen and tween girls. But what we know about the lacking of skills in teen and tween girls is they lack it based on maybe who their parents are.

So we know that adults can benefit from being in these conversations just as much, if not more, than the teen and tween girls that we work with. And even if you're not a parent, this conversation will serve you as well, because we are leaders for our youth. So find yourself in that story, because we are bringing. We're bringing some. We're bringing the heat today. We're bringing the fire today. Hello, gentlemen. What is going on? I got a toolbox this day. Hello, gents. Happy Tuesday. We're stoked that you're here with us.

Thanks for taking the time out of your day to be with us. Okay, so this conversation might go a couple of different ways. We promised to always land the plane, but Jill got here, and she was telling me about a conversation she was having with her sister in law regarding her mother. And her mother is, for lack there of a better term, somebody who sees the glass half empty. And I have a mother that is the exact same. It is very pessimistic. It is very negative. It is very draining, and it's very. Just hard to deal with.

And so I wasn't gonna say anything about the conversation I had with my mom cause I didn't want to continue to talk about it. It was 45 minutes this morning, and it literally just. I try not to let it start my day off on the wrong foot. I'm very good at, like, energy blocking. So anytime she says something that's energetically draining, I literally. I make that noise in my head, and I block it. She's bobbing, weaving. I don't want to let it into my aura, but I don't want to not talk to my mom. It's a balance.

That's what we'll call it. So I wasn't going to say anything. Cause I didn't want to continue the negative narrative. But Jill came over and was like, God, I just talked to my sister in law about my mom. And my mom was pulling out her wedding album. Mind you, her mom has been married or divorced for 20 years, but she continues to bring up the negativity that happened 20 years ago in the marriage. And I was like, God, I had a conversation with my mom this morning, too, and it was so gross. So we want to talk to you today just about being the lighthouse for people in terms of.

Excuse me, the lighthouse. I'm going to let her take a sip of water. So this conversation, obviously, we had our own separate, interesting experiences around similar energy. So the thing about Mary and I is our awareness. So, first and foremost, I'm sure all of us, here she is, I'm sure all of us can understand, or you get that ping in your body when you're around someone or a conversation that doesn't serve you, and it's negative, it's gross, it's pessimistic, it's not high vibes at all. And in that moment, you can either decide to be an active participant and match the energy, or you can be the lighthouse, like what we practice, and it's challenging in those conversations around rising above it.

So the two of us, we had separate experiences today, as hard as it is to listen, because really, we want to be a space for our families and these people that might not have the same tools in their toolbox, but we want to approach it from a place of love and be the light for them so that they don't get stuck in that way of being for too long. And what I think is cool. Jungfu junkie, you pointed it out. It must be a generational thing. Cause both your parents see the glass half empty as well. And I agree, there is definitely something along the lines of the generational differences that we're seeing.

I think there's a lot to be said about the information, the access to information that we have. Obviously, apps like this and communities like this help us relate to people more or do better for ourselves. And what the cool realization is for Jill and I is that we've really done the work. We have spent countless hours, energy, tears, money on really deprogramming ourselves from the programs that our parents installed on our hard drive. And that's really what I like to think of it as. We came as a pre programmed computer, and we were gifted with all of the things that our parents knew how to give us, right?

They only knew what they knew. So it's been cool to deprogram and get that off of my hard drive and install new, better programs onto my hard drive. And because we've both done that, it's something where now I have conversations with my mom, and I push back a little, not too much, because I know that she has a breaking point or a point where she'll get mad at me or she'll shut down. She'll shut down or accuse me of me trying to coach her, which is not who I am for her. I am not her coach. I'm her daughter, and I want to be a mirror to her.

However, because I've worked on myself, I know that my ability to be a lighthouse has had a positive impact on her. So when she wants to say the next negative thing, maybe she holds back a little. Now it's baby steps, for sure. She's still very much so. A glass half empty lady. She's still. I used to call her Eeyore. I don't call her Eeyore anymore because that's me. But in my head, I'm like, great, your tail fell off again. My goodness. Like, what are you doing to help yourself out? That doesn't serve me.

That doesn't serve her. What I want to be for her is that lighthouse leader. So when she's lost out at sea, she can look to me to know that I'm going to infuse her with positive energy. Right. It's that constant light that she can look towards to say, you know what? I need to call Mary today because I'm not feeling good about myself. I'm not feeling good about my situation. And I know that she's going to infuse positivity into my situation. And I love that she said that her mom can lean into her because that's who she is for her.

We had a really cool conversation today on our podcast. We interviewed a friend who is equally a lightworker. She is the lighthouse in the work that she does. And we were just. We were talking about how she gets to. To be the light on the opposite end of the country. She lives in Florida. We live in Scottsdale. And we were having this cool conversation, and she said, you know what? The greatest things that I've been given in my life has been because I've been kind. So opportunities and doors opening and cool conversations and meeting people and people wanting to give advice in my business when, I mean, I'm so grateful, but it was because I was kind.

And on the flip side of that, we were having a conversation around, like, no opportunity comes from you being rude, which is funny, because what we see in culture is that. So she brought up some movies from the nineties, right? Jill and I are both nineties. We grew up in the nineties. We were born in the eighties, but grew up, really, in the nineties to see pop culture and music and shows, and it was always portrayed that the popular girl was rude, right? The popular girl got the guy. She was always hanging up on people or just expecting things to be done for her.

And that's what we wanted to emulate because she was the popular girl. So it's funny to think that, you know, 25 years later, now that we're in our thirties, we understand that to be completely false. You don't get things by being rude to people. Oftentimes you're taking people's dignity. You're not living into your integrity. And that is what really is our north star. So aside from being the lighthouse for people, what does that actually mean? How can you put that into tangible advice and takeaways today?

What's your integrity? Are you being integrity with your values? What are your values? And our values are to leave people better than we found them. And I can't say that and be a s*** talking, rude, backstabbing friend behind closed doors. My integrity needs to be just what it is behind closed doors as much as it is in front of a crowd of a thousand people. And if I'm able to keep my integrity, what I'm also doing is allowing other people to keep their dignity. So when I am calling my mom Eeyore, I'm not dignifying her in any way.

I stopped doing that about five years ago when I realized I checked in with myself as to that was kind of gross and I was putting her down as opposed to what I said I wanted to do, which was lift her up. So in conversations where she's being negative or she says something that I don't jive with, I check in with myself. Am I being the most integral person that I can be in order to help her keep her dignity? Because she'll come around, she's going to move at a slower pace than me, and that's fine.

But what this guest on our podcast said today was, it's like we're at a train station. There's several different trains that come in and out of the station, and they all leave at different times. Right? So my train might have left the station a lot quicker than my mom's train, but she'll get on a train, and it will leave the station, and I'm just proud that I can be the lighthouse for her. So this conversation lit us up. Clearly, no pun intended, but we felt like it was pertinent to bring it on our life today because we get to have these small moments with people to really make an impact in their day, whether it is small, whether it is big.

And truly teaching your children, for parents out there and leaders out there, this conversation, this formula around being in integrity with yourself but also keeping the dignity in someone else is a practice. A practice. And I tell my kiddos that, and teaching them the language around being respectful, you can be in conflict. Absolutely. That's healthy. It is so healthy. And how do you disagree while keeping both of your dignities in check? So that conversation is for you to take away today, to practice first and foremost with yourself, and then you get to go and practice it with others.

Luke, you said those you surround yourself with make or break you 1000%. It's the age old story. The five people you surround yourself with the most, you're gonna end up being like them. And that's true. I feel like I have started to look like Jill. That's how much time we spend around one another. I say things that she says. She says things that I say. And we love that. In terms of when a tide rises, it raises all ships, right? So who you surround yourself, you're gonna rise in a negative way. You're gonna rise in a positive way.

Who are you surrounding yourself with? Because. What did you say? Miss Love. Miss Lovey. She had a really good one around an energy vampire. Oh, sorry. That's okay. I feel like sometimes people are unknowingly emotional vampires, and they are. They can suck the air out of a balloon 2 seconds flat. And I think that's what's really cool about the being able to develop so much awareness, because like I said, I want to be able to talk to my mom. But I also know that the conversation is going to be pretty negative.

So a couple things that I employ in order to keep the negative negativity at bay is just being really self aware of me absorbing what she's saying or me doing the. I also cut the conversation short, so I bookend them whether I have something or I don't, which might be ethical, it might be not, but I know it's saving me from having to fight with her about something because the conversation will go there if I'm not careful or getting too drained. So a half an hour is the most I can do with my mom before the conversation becomes too much for me, and it is a total drain.

So I'm very big on being like hi, mom. I've got 30 minutes. I have a phone call at XT time that I have to be on. That gives her time. That gives me time. And we get to catch up, and it still gets to remain, hopefully, mostly positive. So if you're going into a situation with somebody who, you know is an emotional or energy vampire, have those things in play, those tools in your tool belt for you to be able to, you know, slice dice. I always strive to be the beacon in the dark for others. That's the best, because you know what happens in the dark.

You can't extinguish a light. If it is pitch black and somebody turns on even the faintest of lights, you will see it. So that. That's incredible. And then, Jill and Mary, your message ties right into my today's Tuesday food for thought. We'll go on and then put our little two cent in the community feed with your food for thought. That's awesome. I love that you have a food for thought, because your junk food junkie. And that's so poignant. It's very, um. So other than that, y'all go out. Be the light.

Be the light. Keep your integrity. Keep other people's dignity. Let's, um. Let's raise the tide together. Let's raise the group average. Until next time. Everybody have the best week. We'll see you next week. We'll see you on the next episode at a toolbox.