ADHD Roadmap: The Art of Managing Relationships with ADHD

If we want to be happy and effective with ADHD, we need to know how to navigate our relationships. The quality of our connections is the number one predictor of what makes people happy. And with ADHD, there are very specific issues that can happen in relationships because of the symptoms and the way that maybe we relate with other people. So in this video, we're going to break down some of the issues that we folks with ADHD can have in our relationships, and some with tips and tricks on how to better navigate them.

When it comes to the symptoms of ADHD, you can start to see why that may have a negative impact on others, why others may be frustrated with us. Whether it be our inability to pay attention, whether it be emotionally or to certain tasks that others are relying on us for our impulsivity, hyperactivity, whether we're interrupting other people, we can't stop talking. Or it could be the substance use or other things that come from our impulsivity that can have a negative impact on others. And not just that, our ability to emotionally regulate that can be difficult for other people.

Right? So again, this can happen in any type of relationship, whether you have ADHD or not. But again, with folks with ADHD, it's a little more extreme. So now I'm going to share with you a handful of different principles that you can apply to your relationships to help improve their quality. For example, one of the most important aspects of managing relationships with ADHD is education. So the more other people know, the more they know about our symptoms and how ADHD impacts us, they tend to take things a little bit less personally.

So there's some really good research out there showing that family members, friends, coworkers, folks who are educated about ADHD tend to have more understanding and the relationship quality improves. For example, even knowing yourself and understanding the symptoms and the symptoms outside of the DSM that correlate can help you be more self compassionate. I know that's been the case for me, having all these things I struggle with. I thought it was just a moral failing or just that I'm a defective person.

And so it's helped me have more compassion towards myself. And the same thing can apply especially towards others. It's harder to have compassion towards yourself than for others to have compassion towards you. So if they have a better understanding of the disorder, they don't take things as personally, and they're able to be a little bit more accommodating and patient with you. So whether that education be you sitting down with them and telling them about ADHD, what you know about it. Maybe showing them this series or any other resources you find, online, videos, whatever that may be.

The more they know, the more that's going to help in your relationship with them. Another tip is about addressing misunderstandings as they come up. It's important in relationships that if there is conflict, that you address these issues as soon as possible. Because a lot of times they confessor if we're continuing to have our symptoms negatively impact others, it's really important that we address them. Now. We got to be careful because we don't want to blame too much on our ADHD. We don't want to always say, oops, sorry, that's my ADHD.

Or if you had, like, alcoholism, to say, yep, sorry, I got drunk and crashed the car, it's my disease, nothing I could do about it. So we got to be careful about that. But we also want to address those issues as they come up to make amends, to apologize, to acknowledge this is something you struggle with. And it's really important that when we make those types of amends or apologies, that we really do our best to follow through, that we want to be sure that it's not all words that we are taking actions, that we're taking actions that show them that we are working on some of these shortcomings that we have.

Another really important aspect of managing relationships with ADHD is your ability to set boundaries. Now, this can work in many different ways. For example, if there are certain things you struggle with that you know are extremely frustrating for you. If you're in certain situations where. Where you're triggered, for example, maybe you have those sensory issues like being in loud, crowded places or people asking you to do things that, you know, you're not functionally able to do under those circumstances, whether it be in a work situation to hey, Evan, I need you to go into this loud, noisy room and do xyz tasks.

And I know that that's not something I'm able to do or something that's going to negatively impact me. To be able to then ask for those reasonable accommodations and to hold to it. We want to be sure what we're asking for is, again, reasonable. That we're not having everybody dance around us and arrange the world to our liking. But it is important that for those reasonable accommodations that we are sure to use communication to be direct and to remind people of the things that make us more effective, of the things that we may not be able to do to the same degree that impact us in a negative way.

So being sure to communicate those things. When you think about some of these tips and tricks I'm suggesting to you, they all boil down to one thing, and that is effective communication. And I cannot sit here and give you all the training you need on that in a couple minute video. I have a lot of resources coming out for that, but there are some very simple ways that you could improve your communication because it's just that much more important when you have ADHD to be able to communicate your needs, to educate others, to be able to handle conflicts in an effective way that you're not making the situation worse.

So I think that's a great investment that any person can make. I think they should maybe teach this in schools as far as effective communication. So there's some good resources out there, but I'm going to leave you with this. So I think one of the best ways of learning effective communication is to hear examples. So I'm going to give you examples of some statements that you can use in order to have more effective communication, specifically regarding your ADHD when communicating with others. So I have ADHD, which means I can get a little bit distracted or forget things.

So I just want you to know that I'm working on those and I hope you don't take it personally. Hey, I just wanted you to know that because of my ADHD, I often struggle in certain social situations. I may become distracted, overwhelmed. So sometimes if I'm declining an invite to a party or other social situations, it's not personal and I'd like to find other ways that we could spend time together outside of that to better connect. So I just wanted you to know that I have ADHD and sometimes that means I struggle with getting tasks done on time or certain deadlines, but I will pull through on it and I'll give you my progress along the way.

So I'm just asking to be a little patient with me and I promise I'm going to get you some good work. Hey, boss, I wanted to talk with you. I know we talked about this a while ago, but because of my ADHD I really struggle in situations where there's too much noise or activity going on in the main space. I know you want these tasks done by a certain time, so I'm just asking that if I can get an hour or two in a private room that you understand and know that I'll get my work done much faster and I'll do a better job if I can do that.

Does that work for you? All right, folks, if you're watching this video, I know this is an area you struggled with. If you have ADHD, it's almost impossible for it to have not negatively impacted your relationships to some degree. With that being said, at the end of the day, one of the best things we could do is just better navigate our ADHD, and that's what this video series is all about. No matter what disorder condition that we have, it is our responsibility to manage it and not for others to fully accommodate us.

We have to meet people halfway. People need to see that we're trying. And I promise if you are better able to navigate it, if you're better with your communication and build an understanding from others, I promise your relationship quality will be much better and overall you're going to be much happier.