By The Numbers: Caregivers

Happy Friday, Cadre. It is Shannon from aloud. Ooh. I'm taking my glasses off. I have to adjust. Hi, friends. It has been a week. It has been a few days since I've seen you all. Okay, my glasses back on. I'm gonna read some stuff today, and so that's why I need them. I haven't seen you for a while. It's just been a crazy time, and so I'm glad I can be here with you today. All right, so today we are going to talk about by the numbers, particularly for caregivers. And so some of you who know me, or if you don't know me, my name is Shannon, and I am, among other things, I am the mother of a child with autism.

And I talk about that quite a bit, you'll see. As we know, and you're likely going to hear me talk about it more over the next few weeks and months. Video and so, by the numbers is essentially the idea that I want us to think about the size of the problem for caregivers so that when we feel alone and when we feel like we're the only ones dealing with things in life, we can use numbers and data to help us know that that's not true at all. And so there are 53 million caregivers in the US in general.

Hi, Chris. Nice to see you today. And when you break it down by different diagnoses and disabilities and all the things, obviously all the numbers are different. I live in Minnesota, and I know in the state of Minnesota alone, there are 500,000 caregivers, so just in our state. But so today I'm gonna talk specifically about autism. And it's been a week for me. So in the spirit of allowed, which is the company that I own and I'm building to support caregivers, specifically of people with disabilities and autism, the premise of allowed is that we say what's true out loud, because if we do that with each other, we're gonna create safe spaces for us to know that we're not alone.

So I have a group of women that I have recently connected with, and we're text buddies. And this morning, I had to practice what I preach, which is, and I will get back to the numbers in 1 second. It's all related. Friends. Good morning, JC. Good morning, JC. Nice to see you. Happy Friday. So this morning I had to practice. What I preach is I had a horrible night with my son last night. He's 14. He's going through some behaviors that are scary, I guess scary for him, scary for us. Scary for all of us because as he grows, he is.

He's big, right? And he used to be a little guy, and now he's not. And so for the first time last night, we were in a social setting, and he had some anger and he had some behaviors around it that were scary for all of us. And so this morning, and I cried. Like, last night, I was super upset. It was really hard. I talked to his dad. We're strategizing solutions and all the things. And this morning, I was just. It was eating me up. And I thought, God, I have to just tell these women what's happening in my life.

So I sent the group text out to the team, and I said, I have to practice what I preach out aloud, which is to say what's true out loud so that we feel less alone. And I was immediately met with comments from every single one of them. We're here. What do you need? You're not alone. We love you. And I'll tell you that that small thing which seems so small just turned my day around. So I am today with the power of numbers. It's a different kind of number today. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna read to you some comments from people on Reddit who follow an autism channel.

And why I'm gonna do this is not to, you know, I don't know. I don't know what Reddit stands for in the scheme of all the things. I simply know that it delivers me stuff that people feel around something that I live through. And so these have been coming to me over the last 30 days, 60 days, and they'll show up in my inbox. Honestly, I think at, like, one in the morning. And so that when I wake up in the middle of the night stressed out, which I'm sure some of you can relate to, and I'll see that headline.

And honestly, it does help me feel less alone. So I'm going to read some of these to you. Not because I want us to, like, sit in our sadness, per se, but I want us to know that the pain and the intensity of what we're feeling is not just us. All right? So now I'm going with my glasses. So here are some that I read today that helped me. This is a parent. I hate myself for this. I lose my temper because I get frustrated. I'm scared for the future, so I hate myself for this. That's an intense emotion, right?

I lose my temper because I get frustrated. I get this. I get this. We all do. We all get frustrated as caregivers, because as a human, you're not taught how to be a caregiver in a clinical sense. You're a mom, you're a dad, you're a sibling, you're a friend. There is no one on one on how to be patient when you're dealing with a, you know, a social emotional disorder. Here's another one. My guilt is constant. I'm always falling behind. I'm always lacking. I'm in a hamster wheel running and running, and I can't stop.

I get this, too. And all you other folks out there will understand. Chris says, I often tell my clients in early sobriety, if you can tell the truth, things will get better. 100%. I agree with you, chris. RiGht. And so seeing people say these things, like, hey, I'm never. My guilt is constant. I get it. 100%. I also feel this. That's the truth. That is my truth today. That's that person's truth. Today, this person said, how do I survive this life? I'm so Tired. I feel like I'm gonna burn out again.

Truth. All day long, every single person on my mom text, on my parent text has said this, has felt this. And then the last one I'm going to read today is just about the devastation that, the challenge that comes in the waiting that's associated with our healthcare system. I'm devastated about waiting. I've been in the diagnosis process since early November. I just was told I have to wait another three weeks. I'm so sad. I've waited for SO LONG. Yes. So when you think about the numbers, right. This took me, I'm going to show you again, these feelings, these sentiments took me two minutes to pull from my Reddit threads.

And those are one of thousands, hundreds of thousands of people who are living through the same thing that you were living through if you're a caregiver for someone with special needs or autism. And so when we talk about living out loud, I want us to know, this is why we're here. This is why Cadre is here, is to be there in those in between moments so that you can see my face. You can see Chris in the messages here saying, you know, it's not the exact same thing, but it's the same lifelong battle.

In that case, it's sobriety. In this case, if you're dealing with a disability and a diagnosis that's lifelong, it is a battle, right? It is a marathon. It is a long game. And so being here for each other in those moments when the clinicians can't be there when the healthcare system can't be there, because that's not the solution for everything. I just want to be here for you today to say to you, you're not alone. I'm not alone. I'm telling myself our friends on Reddit are not alone. And as long as we keep talking to each other, supporting each other, loving each other, and saying, you're not alone, we're here.

We get it. We've been there. There's nothing wrong with you. We're going to be able to get through and celebrate, too, right? There's beauty in all of these things, and it's hard to see in the midst of all of it. But there's a beauty and a clarity that also comes with the work in this endeavor. So happy Friday, everyone. I am so grateful to all of you. I'm grateful to Chris for being here, JC, for listening on the airplane, and for everyone else that's watching. I just want you to remember you're doing a fantastic job.

Whether you're the caregiver today, whether you're just being a human in the world today, there's one of you, and we love you and we honor you. And you are worth every single second and moment of the time and energy we put into being together here. All right, you guys have a beautiful holiday weekend. Hope everyone gets some rest, and we'll see you here back on Cadre very, very soon. Bye.