Things We Aren’t Supposed To Talk About: What Is Love Supposed To Look Like?

Cadres fear. Happy Valentine's day. It is Wednesday, February 14. Happy Valentine's day. I'm glad you're here. I'm wearing my red hat in honor of the day, not just because I wear it every day. No. Thank you for being here. So, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Shannon. I am not a mental health professional. I have no clinical training. I'm a human who lives with anxiety. I parent a child with autism, and I have CPTSD, which we're going to talk a little bit about today because today's topic is, what is love supposed to look like?

So if you watch my streams, I'm here. I'm sort of. I'm the resident. Hey, let's talk about these things that are awkward to talk about. Good morning, junk food junkie. So I'm here today to talk about. It's kind of awkward to talk about love sometimes. And what is love supposed to look like? And so today's Valentine's day, and our culture tells us that love on this day is supposed to look a very specific way. Good morning, Cadre. Love is supposed to look like a romantic dinner. Love is supposed to look like flowers.

I don't know how many. I should have googled this. How many millions likely dollars the floral industry makes on Valentine's Day, you all know, right? But love is supposed to look a very specific way. We get this message in our culture at Christmas, too, right? So, like, think about, like, all the hallmark movies and walking down the snowy street and all the things, right? So love is supposed to look a certain way. So as someone who lives with CPTSD and for those of you who don't know what that is, one of the things that I struggle with is not really knowing what healthy love looks like.

If you don't have models in your life for healthy relationships, it can be really hard to say, like, oh, is this love good? Is this relationship healthy? And sometimes you don't know. And so I. The phrase that came to mind which, good morning, Anna. The phrase that came to my mind when I started thinking about love and this day and all the weight that could potentially come with it for people who don't sort of meet the guidelines of that traditional love. I thought of the phrase love is a many splendid thing.

Now, I thought it was from some sort of poet, which would make me seem sophisticated and, like, I understand this, like, poetry from the 18th century. But when I googled it, it looks like it was actually a movie in the fifties. And there's a song that came out of it in a book. But a many splendored thing means it's multifaceted. So I want us to think about that when we think about how we're comparing ourselves. And I use the word supposed to very intentionally today because I think culture tells us what it is supposed to look like.

So I just want to share today a few examples of love in my life that I know are love, because I feel it. You all probably have them too, and they might not look like they're supposed to look. They might not look like a nice dinner and dressed up in flowers. So I'm going to share a few just to reframe for you what love could look like from my perspective. So I'm gonna just tell you about a few people in my life. One is my friend Jim at the gym. Jim is. I think he's 62 or 63. I don't recall. So, Jim, if you're here, I apologize.

Jim and I met at lifetime a year ago. Jim and I share a workout every week. He's a retired car salesman. He is. I'm not gonna remember the name. It's not a chaplain, but he does writes for people's end of life. He goes in and he sits with them. He's this amazing person. I know Jim from the gym. I have spent maybe a collection of a few, less than a few hundred hours with Jim. And I love Jim. I love that we can send each other random texts. He's on a road trip for six weeks right now, and I can say, miss you.

And he sends me a picture of his 16 year old dog. That's a version of love to me. That's a connection. I think about my friend JC that is part of the Cadre sphere. JC and I haven't known each other for an incredibly long time. And about a month ago, we came up with words. I don't even remember what they are. That's okay. That is our way of saying to one another that we love each other. I think it's. And also to you, that's a version of love. My children. Right? Any parents out there know, a glance from your child, a hug, a shared experience.

That's a version of love. My friend Nikki Millette, who is going to be joining the Khadrus fear here soon as a contributor. It's probably the first girl I grew up with. Four brothers, lots of boys in my life, very few girls. It's the first girl that I say I love you to every time we hang up the phone. And these connections are real and these connections are love. And these connections are not romantic dinners and roses and all the things that the world tells us that love is supposed to be. So today I wanted to remind you all of that and to look for and think about all the things that are in your life that are love, because there are a lot of them.

And if you just take a moment and reframe this day instead of all the things that you're supposed to do, and maybe you love this day and maybe you do a romantic dinner and that's freaking fantastic. And if that's it, that's amazing too, right? Nothing is good or bad, but just want us to take a moment to reframe something out of culture and offer that it could look a little bit different too. So happy Valentine's Day. I hope your lives are full of love in all the ways. And I hope you know that you being a part of this Cadre sphere is a way that you are spreading love in the world.

So thank you for being here. We love.