When Sorry Doesn't Cut It

No, sorry just doesn't cut it. The angry customer is always still angry after they receive their apology. The grieving person is always still in a state of grief after condolences have been shared. And those people who are coming to you for your perspective, your opinion, your knowledge and expertise are often still so hungry for those things after they ask for them. And you start by responding with, well, this may only be me, but. Or this may not be what you're looking for, but no, sorry doesn't cut it.

But in each of those situations where you use sorry, you have other tools in your belt that you can use that will give exactly what is desired. Let's look at those things today. Most people we end up apologizing to are very alone. The angry customer is alone with their dissatisfaction. The grieving person is alone with their loss, and that person coming to you. For your perspective, your opinion, your expertise is in desire of dialogue with you. So how else can we respond to these people when we maybe reactively apologize, and in doing so, invite them to stay isolated when they are seeking closeness and conversation?

So let's begin with the angry customer. When we say sorry to the angry customer, we invite them to stay right within their dissatisfaction. How about we respond this way? Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I'm excited to help in whatever way that I can. All of a sudden, you just did two things. You moved yourself into their space. So rather than being isolated in their unhappiness, you have now said, I will walk alongside you. And the second thing you've done is you've begun to move them away from that space of unhappiness to a place of resolution, no apology needed, because you are walking alongside them to a place where they feel better, they feel listened to, they feel supported.

You know, the customer may be often right, but it is still our opportunity to educate them, to provide them, to change them, to transform them with what they walked into this space to find. And to the grieving person, what can we say? Often, I think the I am sorry comes out because we have no idea what else we could possibly say or do for them. And in this moment, perhaps rather than saying, I am sorry, would it mean more to them if you said, I love you, I'm thinking about you, I am here for you?

And that sari begins to manifest in ways that provides them the tools to move with that grief. And now, maybe the most pervasive way that sorry sneaks into our language is within these simple interpersonal conversations that we have all day long. Think about it start listening to when either the word sorry shows up or in the way that sorry hides itself in phrases. I hear this one all the time. Someone asks a group of people, hey, I would love your opinion on this thing. And they start by saying, well, this may just be me, but they asked you for your opinion.

For your opinion. Not the right answer, but for your opinion. And you felt the need to start by saying, this may not be what you are looking for. You just took the value of your essence, of what you bring into the world, and you lowered it before you shared it. Why do we do that to ourselves? Well, as I said earlier, sorry is a word that is used to isolate. We isolate the angry customer, we isolate the grieving person, and we most often isolate ourselves. Right now I invite you to take some time to start a page within your journal and it's called the times.

I hear myself using apologetic language page right. Take these next few minutes to think through your days. Where do you hear yourself using sorry language? And come back to this page throughout the next week, the next month, the next year, the next lifetime. And simply consider is your apologetic language bringing you closer to the people and the passions that you desire to be close to? Or is it pushing you away? This life is filled with situations where we can choose one of two responses. We can say I am sorry and isolate ourselves, or we can say, I am here with you in my realness, in my best, and surround ourselves with others who may be willing to accept us amidst the whoopsies.

You know, anytime I am coaching a team or directing a cast or working with any group of people, I always love to start things out by challenging everybody to remove sorry from their language when we are working together. And normally what I will do anytime I hear the word sorry, I'll snap. And people start hearing how often people isolate themselves with that word sorry. And sooner or later people start snapping at each other. And within that snap, what they are saying is, hey, the thing you are apologizing for, is it worth you isolating your energy, your magic, your perspective, your love from everybody else when most often that is the number one thing people want from you.

The angry customer wants you to be with them within their journey towards resolution. The grieving person wishes you to be alongside them in something that will never resolve. And even though they are grieving loss, in that moment, they can see that they have someone to walk alongside them to move forward with. And then of course, within that moment where you isolate yourself, think about how much joy you are missing out on. Think about how much the world is missing from you when it asks for your perspective, your energy, your fight and fire, and you often lace it with that.

I'm sorry, this may not be good enough. Start to take notice of where sorry enter is your language. And maybe you start snapping at yourself to say, hey, I am here, I desire and I am worthy of being surrounded by people who are with me amidst my whoopsies. And all of a sudden your own joy, and the joy the world receives through you will grow exponentially. Have a great week, everybody. And remember, sorry doesn't cut it.