Managing Expectations

One of the most unenjoyable human experiences is feeling like your expectations have not been met. I want you to think about the last time you experienced a letdown, whether that was personally or professionally. Maybe it was somebody that was new to your life, but maybe it was somebody that you know and you feel like you should know this. You would think, well, those two statements right there are already setting you up for disappointment. Even people in our lives that have been there for a while can let us down, and we can't always change the way people treat us.

So we have to start exploring, where are my expectations not being communicated? Or were they unrealistic? And I want you to think about that. Are you the type of person that you have really clear expectations, but you don't want to tell anybody? You kind of hope they figure them out because you're showing instead of telling. And that doesn't always translate to other people. They're not always going to pick up what you're laying down. You could also be the kind of person that because of your own attachment needs or demands, you have expectations that are not realistic for the people in your life.

Let me give you an example. Let's say that you and I recently met. We've known each other for about a month or so. You were going through a difficult moment, and then you reached out and I didn't get back to you within the four hour time span that you needed it. 4 hours is not a realistic timeframe. Even though we love to think that everyone has their phones or their iPads or all the things near them, we really have to ask ourselves, is that appropriate? That whatever I'm experiencing in that moment is someone in my life needs to be an emergency when it really wasn't?

Of course there are going to be moments of exclusion, but I want you to think about this in general terms. Here are two questions that you can ask yourself. If you find yourself in a situation where you're trying to figure out why your expectations aren't being met, and then you're being left with resentment. One is the nature of the relationship. Match your expectations and the demands that goes back to the situation that I just gave. Have you defined the relationship enough to place those expectations and they know that's exactly what you're looking for?

Second question, does the current situation really demand what you're asking, or are you pulling on someone to do for you what you're unable to do for yourself? And depending upon how you answer those questions, but especially if you find yourself in a situation where you're able to recognize. Doctor Charis, you might be right. I do have a tendency to expect myself out of other people and then get disappointed. And when I want something, I want it then, and I feel like it's emergent. And I get frustrated when people don't have that same pressure.

You can't expect you out of other people. That is a constant recipe for disappointment, and it's your responsibility to adjust. So what do you do? You ask yourself those questions. You answer those questions. And then the last step is you ask yourself, what do I need to communicate? Where do I need to give more time for my needs to be met? Or three, where do I need to support myself instead of expecting someone else to do it? I want you to work through and really go back and replay what I just talked about and even try it out.

Really asking yourself those questions is going to be a huge part of the process of slowing yourself down and moving straight from situation to feeling like you have been let down or someone has failed you. And then where can you support yourself? Where do you need to allow for more time? Where do you need to stop expecting you out of other people? And as you work through it, let me know how it goes. As always, thank you for listening. Bye.