Sunday Serenity

Happy Sunday evening, Cadre family. I am Jason Lennox, your resident recovery champion, here to talk about all things recovery, mental health, well being in general, and happy to be here with you on a Sunday night. It is incredibly bright, maybe a little too bright. Maybe I should change the angle of this here a little bit so you can see a little better. But I missed last week. As you know, I was out of town and out of service, kind of up on a mountain. So I am grateful to be back here this week.

I'm here. And what I've been thinking a lot about today is this idea of forgiveness. And so I want to talk through that. But first, just for those people who might be new or joining a little later. Again, Jason Lennox, resident recovery champion. I'm here. I am in recovery from all sorts of substances and alcohol, have been for quite some time, and just grateful to share all the tips and tricks and the things I've learned over the years, mostly from other people and of course, some things that I've experimented.

Good evening, Joe. I wanted to share a couple stories tonight, and again, I want to talk about forgiveness because I think forgiveness is one of the, the most critical, foundational elements of recovery. And I would say in life in general. And, you know, I've learned the hard way that if we don't forgive, sometimes we end up regretting. And, you know, I want to start because last week, last Friday, so about nine days ago, was the anniversary of my father's passing. He was 39 when he had passed away and he had cirrhosis of liber.

And I was incredibly upset with him for a long time, one, because he wasn't always around when we were kids. And then we did get the opportunity to spend some time with him and then he passed away. And so I was angry with him for quite some time. And I never really understood because I just thought that he chose drugs and alcohol over his own kids. Well, it turns out after going through my own battle with addiction and alcoholism, it's not that simple. And I had to learn that the hard way, but I didn't learn that even through my own struggles.

It wasn't until I got into recovery and actually found somebody who would help me. And in the recovery programs, the different anonymous programs, again, forgiveness is one of the keys. There's a thorough house cleaning that most of these programs have people go through. And those consist of three components. Who are the people that we're mad at? So who am I going to forgive? What are the things I'm afraid of? And then who are the people that I've done some harm to, that I need to repair relationships with.

The. Again, the forgiveness part comes with the resentments. And so I'm meeting with a guy who was mentoring me and we're going through some of this work. And he said, okay, let's start with your resentments. Who are you most upset with? Let's talk about that. And the first one on my list was my father. And again, he was 39 when he passed away. I was 1617. And like I said, I just felt betrayed and like somehow he, like the drugs and the alcohol won. So I'm sharing this with him and. Hi, Tiffany.

Happy to see you here. Happy Sunday to you too. Caught one of your sessions here. m. So if you want to get on there, you know, she's got some comedy and put some spins on her own little story. So anyhow, I going through this, yeah, I'm mad at him. And he knew a little bit about my story and so he knew I had a child of my own who was five at the time. And he said, so you're telling me that your dad is number one on your list and that makes sense. Good evening, Sherry. You're mad at him because he wasn't around.

And then where's your son on the harm done to others? Listen. And I looked over, flipped over, and I said, you know, he's not even there. And he said, you see, you're so mad at other people that you can't even see your own wrongdoing. You did the exact same thing to your own child. You were not there. I was gone. Absent from his life for four of his first five years because I was in a really bad spot. And it just was one of the most eye opening moments of my recovery and of my life or here. For decades I've been carrying this resentment against my father and had done the exact same thing to my own child and had no real conscious understanding that that's what had happened.

So he pointed out and he said, by the way, you wouldn't be here to share any of this. You wouldn't be able to write, you wouldn't be able to speak, you wouldn't be able to do any of that if it wasn't for this man. He gave you life. So perhaps you think about it that way and have a little gratitude for, you know, having an opportunity that he didn't because he didn't get to. He didn't get to make it. So it really was eye opening. And I share that again, nine days ago then would have been 20 years and so on as on that 20th anniversary, I woke up in the morning and I had taken a picture of me looking at just a little hologram thing I have of my father.

I knew I was going to put a little tribute to him because, you know, I've learned to, to really change my perspective and understand a little more about what his struggles were and about who he was as a person, but just changing my perspective in that I have this life because of him. And so I take this picture, and I knew I was going to do a tribute, but I ended up writing an article on medium, and it was titled 20 reasons I honor my father rather than resent him. And that's, you know, I gotten a lot of feedback and messages or I think, you know, that kind of hits people because a lot of us have issues with parents, with other family, and I think it helps to just see it from a different perspective.

And so 13 and a half years into my own recovery, I'm able to look at my father much differently. I'm able to really feel like my life is a blessing because of him. And I get to carry on not only my legacy, but his. And it really does feel like an honor. I get the recovery for both of us. So that's just a little story about forgiveness. And again, I've turned it into, like, this man is one and we're one and we're together on this thing. And I know today that he tried his dangus to get there and get some of what we all had.

It wasn't for lack of trying, but he was just one of the unfortunate ones. Yeah, it's healing, and it's always brave to share some of these things, but that's why we're here. And so forgiveness is key. And sometimes forgiveness is ongoing. I have relationships today that take regular forgiveness, relationships where I get upset and I get frustrated because I feel like I'm putting in, you know, I'm leaning into them much more than I'm feeling coming back. And, you know, I know a lot of people that take that and say, hey, you know, it's, I'm not putting more into it than others.

And, you know, I think there's a time and place for that. But for me, at the end of the day, it's like I would rather put in the time. I would rather lean in, give that energy if it means having the relationship. Because, you know, at the end of the day, a lot of people leave this world. We lose people all the time in ways that are tragic, and we don't really have that chance to go back and try to make things right. And I've had to do that. I've had to live through that. My father passed, and I didn't get much to do with him.

And, you know, when my grandma passed and I was early in treatment and recovery, that was one of the most devastating things that had ever happened to me. And part of the reason that I didn't get a chance to repair anything with her is because I was mad because, you know, she and my family put together an intervention and it did not go well, and I was not happy. And then I was gone for a year or a couple years and never made it back to kind of repair that. So I think, you know, it's worth putting in that extra effort and forgiving people on a regular basis.

I know today all the people that have harmed me, if that's, you know, sometimes that's my perception. But even if that's true, and I know there are exceptions to this, but generally, I like to think that people who hurt us are going through their own struggles and they're really hurting on the inside. And I've been there. I've been a hurting person and have hurt a lot of people. So it's easy for me to kind of flip the script a little bit and think about it that way. And a lot of times, that's what it is.

Perspective. We change the perspective. I went into that house cleaning with my mentor saying, this is my father, and I'm so p***** at him that he's number one on the list because x, y, and z, and all he had to do was open up and say, you know, you wouldn't be saying any of this if it wasn't for him. Maybe you could be thankful that you have life. He literally gave you life. This is why you're here. And so perspective is a huge thing. And this forgiveness, again, it's work. It's work for us, hopefully work for other people who are trying to do the same.

But I know that I'm not going to stop putting in that work and giving that effort to try to forgive all the people in my life and forgive people who I think have harmed me. Because again, at the end of the day, if we lose relationships, we fall away, we fall apart, everybody suffers in, nobody wins. And, you know, if we can step up to the plate and say, you know what? I'm going to be the bigger person and I'm just going to keep trying and I'm going to keep putting 1ft in front of the other and trying to show up and be who I can be and love people for who they are, where they are, meet them where they are.

You know, again, it's a little bit harder on me sometimes, but everybody wins. Then everybody wins. We get relationships and we fight through those things. And at the end of the day, that's what people remember about us. And when we're gone, that's all we have is what people remember. How do we treat them? How do we make them feel? Were we willing to let go of the little things? And so I think that's the key message I want to share. And again, some of those stories and those examples of forgiveness that I had to learn the hard way and that now I've been able to kind of benefit from and be on the right side of.

But I want you to think, as we go throughout this week, think about one person. We all have the one person. If I say right now, who's one person in your life that you're not necessarily happy with, that you're struggling with, it's just maybe you feel like hasn't been there for you and done what you would expect or what you would want or what you would need or how you think you would handle a situation. Who's that one person? And think about how you might flip the script and change the perspective a little bit.

Are they hurting? What's going on in their world? I'm dealing with some of that right now. And again, I just have to keep putting myself back and saying, don't take these things on, don't take them on personally. As long as I keep showing up, doing my thing, I know that I'm doing the right thing. I know that I'm loving people, I know that I'm giving, I'm contributing. I'm trying to bring my best to all my relationships. It's not about me. People are hurt. And, you know, I have two ways I can deal with that.

The hurt people are responding in a certain kind of way, and I could get mad, and that can be the end of a relationship. It really could, forever. And then the person ends up gone. Or I can step back, because it's not like I can just show up and be the most loving person in all those relationships when that stuff's happening. But I can step back, I can pause, I cannot say anything, I cannot respond, I cannot react. And I can come back another day, give it another shot. And I think at the end of the day, that's what we have.

We keep showing up, doing our best. Sometimes it means we pause, step away for a moment, a day, a week, a month. But we always come back to the table with the best of intentions and realizing that people are hurt. And, you know, I believe largely people are doing the best with what they can in the situations they're in. I've gone on a little bit, but I get passionate about this thing because, again, it's the difference between serious regret and peace. When it's all over, it's going to be over for us.

It's going to be over for the people in our lives. Whichever one of those comes first. The best we can do is hope that we walk away with peace and that we don't have all those regrets. Regrets are real. Asked a woman who had done a book about all the regrets of the dying. She studied a lot of people, and the top five regrets that she listed, four of them were about things people wish they had done that they didn't, and a couple of those had to do with family and relationships. So anyhow, hope you all have had a wonderful Sunday so far.

If you're in Minnesota, anywhere in the midwest, you probably had some nice weather like you might see back there. It's 70, 70 degrees here and supposed to be about that all week. So hope you all have wonderful weeks. Really look forward to hearing and really think about it. Who's the one person that you could step up and say, you know what? How can I show up differently? How can I change my perspective about that? I'll work on that as well. We'll come back, see how it goes next week. Enjoy your weeks, everyone.

Look forward to chatting again soon.