Coffee Chats w/ Dr. D

Hey, Kadre, what's up? It's me, doctor D, and I got my coffee today. I'm gonna wait just a second to let some people come in. Oh, that's nice and hot. Just made it. So I want to give you guys an update with me personally. I have really exciting news. I am relocating my office, which I'm literally going across the street from where I'm at. But I'm really excited because this space kind of opens the door for me to have my own space. But I'm actually sharing this with a massage therapist. So we want to combine mind and body wellness.

So it'll be massage therapist and then me with the mental health. And we are hoping to really impact our community and through this process of moving, it has been really interesting to pay attention to how I'm feeling in the moment. I am one that does not do well with change when it comes to relationships, whether it's, you know, leaving a job or coworkers or romantic relationships. And so I noticed that, that there have been times in my life when I have changed relationships where it felt like it was just the right thing and the right time to do it.

And the way that this connection happened, I was not planning to relocate my office anytime soon. This was actually something that came up for next year. I was planning ahead, and as I had a random conversation with my massage therapist and she was looking for someone to share the space with, I'm like, hey, I'm actually looking for a space. But I wasn't expecting to do it so soon, and it really happened really quickly, so it took us about, I think, the last three weeks, we just been talking about it.

I actually started moving my stuff in, and it feels really good. It's really timely. So I'm excited about this change, but in this process, and I want to get to the topic for today. Hello there. I'm going to talk about, like, how do you know it's the end of when it comes to relationships? And again, when we talk about relationships, I'm talking about romantic partners. I'm talking about coworkers, family. Right. Sometimes you can't end relationships with family, but maybe even with friendships. Right?

So how do you know when it's the end? So I'm going to look at my notes because I want to make sure I'm staying on track for you guys today. But one thing to pay attention to is when there are changes in your communication. So maybe the change comes where you don't really have a response to what the person is saying to you. Anymore. So you're just kind of absorbing their information and you don't have an emotional response, so your communication changes with them, where you just kind of shut down at times.

And it might come off as if you don't care anymore, but you're just in this space where you just have nothing to say. Another sign that you know it's time for the relationship to end is that you no longer have a desire to put an effort into the relationship. So maybe you've been the one that's the pursuer in the relationship, and the other person has been the withdrawer, and you've come to this place where you're like, I don't want to try anymore. I've been working too hard to make this work, and I'm tired.

And maybe you've started shutting down, starting with your communication changes. And then you decide, you know what, I'm not going to try anymore. But I. We do come to a place sometimes where we stop trying, but we stay. So how do you know when the relationship is actually ending? When it's over, when it's time to let it go? Keep that in mind. And then the last thing to pay attention to is you might experience what's called an emotional block. So maybe there is trauma that happens in your relationship and your emotional response is not what you expect.

Or maybe you have this emotional block where you're trying to share something about yourself or share an experience or share how you're feeling. And your partner blocks that experience by them shutting down themselves so they don't respond to you the way that you expected, or they just don't have the capacity anymore to join in with your emotional experiences. Okay? So if you are in that space, I know it's uncomfortable sometimes to really admit maybe this relationship is over. And knowing that we're all built for connection like that, the end of a relationship, it hurts.

It's painful, and sometimes it's necessary. So how do you know how to exit the relationship? So I'm going to give you some tips about that. One thing I want you to consider. If you're leaving the relationship prematurely, so are you responding to an emotional disconnect? Or maybe there's some pain there where you're like, I gotta go. Maybe you're tapping into your avoidant attachment style, where you're putting up your own block because it's uncomfortable for you. Now, if you are leaving this relationship based off of emotion, you might be doing that prematurely.

But if you have taken some time to use some logic. So combining your emotional response to whatever's happening, taking time to evaluate mentally and logically what's the best option or what's the best thing for me to do, that is a better way to exit the relationship. So once you've taken that time to tap into your heart, tap into your mind, and sit with that before you say, I'm done. Now, if you're the type of person that just quickly leaves relationships where it's uncomfortable, you're scared.

You know, you might be responding to fear or even responding to the fear of someone abandoning you, so you leave them first. That's not the healthy way to exit a relationship. The second thing that you can do to exit your relationship is consider if you have done all that you can. You know, sometimes it takes us reaching out to others for support. Maybe that looks like talking to your friend about what's going on or seeking the advice of a counselor or someone from your church, someone that you trust.

So getting advice from people who are wise, not someone who is going to feed your emotions in a negative way, but someone that can actually help you see the bigger picture and see maybe there's some red flags that you missed, or maybe there's some red flags that you do need to pay attention to to decide it's time to go. So consider if you've done everything you can. I have found that it doesn't help to exit a relationship prematurely when you go back and you think, man, I left that too soon. I could have done this.

I should have said that. And so you leave that relationship with a sense of regret. And maybe if that happens, sometimes you can't go back, and so you don't want to leave prematurely without trying everything that you can. And the last thing is, I mean, this is a big word, and we don't always like to say it or do it, but don't leave the relationship without forgiveness. So if you're leaving because someone hurt you and you leave without forgiving that person, you're going to carry that into your next relationship.

You're going to carry that with you and maybe even prevent yourself from getting into another relationship because you haven't forgiven the person that hurt you. So think of times, even with friendships, where your friend may have hurt you. They may have said something or done something. Maybe there's betrayal involved, and you just immediately stopped all communication with that person. Sometimes we stay in that space where there's unforgiveness in our heart. And just because you leave the relationship doesn't mean that you're going to stop thinking about that person.

It doesn't mean that you're going to stop caring about that person. You're still going to care about that person. But with unforgiveness in your heart, that emotional block is going to come up, and it's going to bring up some pain. And that's the pain that you can't get rid of. So, forgiveness. You may have heard this before. Forgiveness is not even about the other person. It's for you. So don't exit without forgiveness. Okay. I hope this is helpful. This is just some random thoughts that I've been having as I am exiting a professional relationship.

Not to say that this relationship is ending, but it is changing. And I'm physically leaving a space. But the person that I was in partnership, in business, that is a relationship that I hope continues because we can continue to support each other in different ways. We just won't see each other every day like we have been. So I hope this is helpful. I hope you guys have a wonderful day. And don't forget your coffee. Bye.