Week 1 - Conscious Masculinity - Saying Goodbye

All right, well, here I am, live from Stanton, Virginia, great little town in central Virginia in the Shenandoah Valley. And you know this. The title of this particular live stream is called saying goodbye. And it's pretty wild because here I am, and my sponsor died this morning. And it was. I was. I flew in yesterday from Los Angeles. Long flight delays, mix up with car rentals. I was supposed to go straight to the hospital because his condition had deteriorated. And as I was on my way to the hospital, I was told not to do that because there was a security lockdown.

But I gotta tell you, I believe so deeply in divine timing. And I don't know about, like, fate or a divine plan, per se, but there's something. There's something, because I'm a musician, and my sponsor, Bill, had not really heard me play music a whole lot. I was very embarrassed and shy and insecure about it. When I met him, I didn't share it. I didn't really feel like it was something I could share or whatever that anybody would care about. And he was transported back to his house, and so I grabbed a quick dinner, checked into the hotel, and his son called me and said, hey, come to the house.

And so I took my little travel guitar that a friend of mine gave me, and I went and saw him. And I could tell he was close to death. You don't know for sure, but I didn't come out here. I didn't make these plans to be with him when he died. I just made these plans to be with him before he died. So it was pretty incredible. So I went over there and I walked in, and he was kind of semi conscious. But his son said, dan is here. And he kind of opened his eyes and he looked, and then he saw me, and he got very animated, which was so heartwarming for me because I was actually a little nervous.

In his old age, he got very insecure, a lot of social anxiety, and wasn't super clear. There was some question as to whether or not he would be uncomfortable with me seeing him in his condition, but he was very happy to see me. And I just was so moved. I just sat down, I grabbed his hand. I held his hand, and. And we just talked. And he couldn't talk, but he could mouth the words. And I just. More than anything, I thanked him. You know, I thanked him for the foundation of sobriety that he gave me.

And I thanked him. You know, I don't really talk a lot about my work in my recovery circles. And I don't quote unquote brag at all. But I wanted him to hear the impact that I have had because the impact that he's had on me. And so I was able to share with him, you know, the thousands of books that I've sold, the thousands of people that I've spoken to, you know, tens of thousands of people that I've spoken to, tens of thousands of books. And, like, and I said, that's, you know, because of you, you know, because there was no way I would have stayed sober without him and gotten on my path or this path.

And it was beautiful. And then I got my guitar. I asked him if he wanted to hear some music, and he said yes. So I got my guitar and I played him father and son by Cat Stevens. I played him some originals, and I just played a bunch of songs. And then I was kind of reaching. I was like, I don't know any songs that he, you know, that he maybe liked. And so I started playing house of the rising sun, and his son started singing it with me. And Bill sat up just a little bit and was mouthing some of the words.

It was amazing. It was a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful experience. He seemed somewhat alert, but yet I wasn't surprised when I woke up to learn that he had died early this morning. But, man, I was so complete. I was so complete with him in showing up. And maybe this is the crux of this particular livestream, right? Because all my. All my recovery, all my life, I've heard this idea that men suck at saying goodbye, right? And it's true. A lot of men just dip, man. They just. They're out. They don't say goodbye, right?

They can't handle the pain of closure. They can't handle the vulnerability of letting go of a relationship or just simply acknowledging that it's changing or that they have feelings or whatever. You know, it's all part of the conditioning. It's all part of the man rules. But in the first curriculum that I wrote, we intentionally had some aspects of it about saying goodbye because, you know, it's so, it's so powerful, it's so important. And so men have so few tools to be able to do it effectively.

And I've worked really hard to learn how to do that. I've moved five times in my sobriety and I've had to say goodbye. I've had sponsors die and I've had to say goodbye. Head sponsors move on, and we've said goodbye. Or different ways of saying goodbye. Leaving jobs and saying goodbye. And I'll be the first to admit it's not my strength. You know, I'm not the greatest at saying goodbye, but I've worked hard to learn how to express my love for someone and to show up and be present in that relationship, to be able to say goodbye.

And that is what I was able to do last night. And that is the gift that I gave myself, I gave to Bill, his family. I mean, his family was so moved by the music that I played and his response. And they thought, they said to me this morning, they said, there is absolutely nothing we could have come up with than what you did last night as a better way for Bill to pass. And that just is wonderful for me. And so, you know, this idea that, like, men don't know how to say goodbye or men don't know how to show up, you know, it's only, it's a lie for one, right?

But it's an intention and it's, you know, I got support. I had no doubt I was coming out here, but I still got support. I still talked to friends. I still kind of got grounding as I was driving over to the house last night just so I could be my best, best self. That is what it's all about. That, to me, is what conscious masculinity is. There is nothing unsaid, there is nothing incomplete in my relationship with Bill, and I feel incredibly grateful for that. So wishing you all the best.