Don't Step on Communication Landmines! "The 8 Relationship Blocking Behaviors" Pt2

These are four communication behaviors that could do serious damage in relationships. As a therapist, I found eight relationship blocking behaviors in part one. I went over the first four, so be sure to check that one out as well. Remember, identifying relationship blocking behaviors is like addition by subtraction. If you can recognize them in correct course, you'll avoid a lot of the traps that will lead to damaging your relationships. As a therapist, I teach a lot of effective communication techniques, but if you can avoid these, you may not have to get so fancy.

Number one, or should I say number five, is one of the most important, and that's using nonverbal communication that raises people's walls and pushes them away. There are many examples of this negative nonverbal communication. It could be looking disinterested by being slouched or looking at the clock. Other things could come off as more aggressive, like posturing, crossing your arms, tightening your facial expressions. There's a famous study on nonverbal communication done by a researcher, Albert Merhabian, and he came up with the 5538 seven principle.

These numbers represent the importance of the different types of communication in percentages. 55% is your body language, 38% is your tone, and 7% is the content of what you actually say. Which brings us to number six, which is using a negative tone of voice. If tone is 38% of communication, having a negative tone can ruin just about any conversation. For example, honey, that was really great. Or honey, that was really great. Or honey, that was really great. Well, when I wrote those down, they all looked the same, but as you can tell, they were conveying very different messages.

Tone is often what conveys the emotion behind your message. I say, think of it like music where positive tone goes up. Do, re, mi, fa, sola, ti, do. Honey, that was really great. While negative tone goes down in scale, like Beethoven. Dun dun dun dun. Honey, that was really great. Always be mindful of your tone. Number seven is being a good listener. I often recommend using active listening skills. This is what we learn in therapy 101. Someone once told me we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Active listening is a form of emotional validation. By listening, you're showing that you care, even in a disagreement. By doing this, that emotional wound may heal faster, and you're going to come out stronger on the other end. Active listening generally comes in two forms. One, using positive nonverbal communication like we talked about before. In this case, it may be nodding your head, using eye contact, and sitting up straight. There are also verbal demonstrations of active listening. This may include saying things like, mm hmm.

Or reflecting what they said back to you, or even validating what they just said. Be mindful whether you are actually active listening or just trying to wait until they finish so that you could say what you want. Active listening is a way of showing people you are engaged and that you care. Which brings us to number eight, which is portraying a lack of vulnerability and authenticity. Sometimes when we try too hard to be good communicators, we come off as robotic or disingenuous people. People can really see through this, especially if they know you well.

It's important to portray what you're actually feeling in that moment by being vulnerable and being open. Be mindful of what you're saying, but also be you. Well, those are the eight relationship blocking behaviors that I came up with. If you could think of any others, be sure to put them in the comments and share your experience.