Things We Aren't Supposed To Talk About

Cadre. Good morning. Happy Thursday. It is Shannon from Cadre. Happy Thursday. I'm in my car. I haven't done a Cadre live for my car from quite a while. For quite a while. But good morning, guys. I am here on caregiver day on Cadre, so I'm a little bit early. I'm here in my car because. Because I work for Cadre. I'm actually going to a meeting with a Cadre client, hopefully a client that we're going to bring on board into the Cadre sphere who's related to caregiving called micc. As you guys know, we're here in Minnesota and there's this amazing company.

This amazing. It's not a company, it's a nonprofit called Minnesota Independence Community College here in the Twin Cities. And it's for folks with different types of neurodivergence or they can go to college, they can get degrees, they can partner with employers and get jobs, and then they can live in this community when they as they're adults. So I'm super excited. I'm meeting with them in five minutes. So I'm early here today. Good morning, Speak Wonder. It's good to see you. I'm meeting with them today as part of Cadre with my Cadre hat on.

But I'm here this morning to talk to you all as Shannon, a human who is not a clinician, who is a person with a lived experience, who is a person who has a son with autism, who is a person who lives with anxiety and cptsd myself. And I'm here today putting with my caregiver hat on. And so today I'm going to tell you about this experience I had in the world that's just stayed in my head. So my son and I, my family, we joined the JCC, the Jewish Community center here in St. Paul, so that we could work out together.

We could all go to the gym together. Jules, good morning. Nice to see you. So my son Wyatt, who is 15, we now have this routine of going to the JCC to work out every day after school, every evening. So he has autism. And so this is a new experience for him. He does a ton of things. He swims, he does, you know, he works out on the machines and all the things. So he was having a rough day the other day because when we got to the jcc, the pool has very specific hours when things happen. So it's closed.

You know, it's open all day, but from like, let's say 4 to 6 is closed for swimming lessons or from 7 to 7:45, it's closed for certain groups. So we got to the JCC to do our routine, and the pool was closed, and it meant we weren't going to be able to swim, and he wasn't going to be able to do what he wanted to do and what his new routine was. And so he had a reaction, as sometimes people with neurodivergence do, and frankly, as many of us do. But he got upset with me and he started yelling at me.

And he's, you know, he's 6 3, and he's £200. He's a big kid. He's taller than me. So the JCC is a quiet environment. It's a community center, right? And so there's folks of all kinds there. There's families, there's, you know, older people, younger. Younger people. So in this quiet space, he was. He was yelling at me, and he was sort of, you know, he wasn't in my face, but he wasn't not in my face either. And so as we're having this interaction, which I'm very used to, because I know it's how his feelings manifest, a woman comes up to him who I don't know and he doesn't know, and says, don't talk to your mother that way.

She's a good mom. And she stares at him and I stare at her, and then she walks away. And he, like, he stopped. He was still upset, and he stopped. And then he's like, I'm so sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry. And I was like, that's okay. It's okay. I know you're frustrated, you know, and he started crying. He actually started crying. And he said, I'm so sorry, Mom. And I said, wyatt, it's fine. You know, I said, it's okay. This is. This is okay. This is something that I understand and you understand. And this woman who we don't know doesn't understand what's happening between us right now, and she doesn't understand the reaction you're having, but it stayed.

It has stayed with me. This happened probably 10 days ago. And this reaction stayed with me as a caregiver and again, as a parent of someone who shows up differently in the world because, you know, first and foremost, my response, and I believe as it should be, was to care for him. So I took care of him. And I said, listen, it's okay. You had a reaction. She doesn't know you. She doesn't know that I'm safe. And at the same time, there was a Part of me, and I did say this to him after some time that was like, hey, so these are the things that as you go out into the world as a 6 foot 3, 200 pound still boy at 15, people are going to mistake you as a man and they're going to assume that you have the brain of a man even though you're 15.

And so they are going to misread what's happening in these situations. And especially because you are a man and I'm a woman, there's other things at play. And so it stayed with me a lot for a couple reasons, because number one, I don't think her intent was bad, right? And it wasn't helpful. There's a lot of ands in this, right? As I think about all the different ways that you can sort of like juxtapose the perspectives here, there's like, yes, and she wasn't sure what was happening. And my son was, was behaving in the way he behaves and I wasn't in danger, right?

So you get it. So there's a lot of different perspectives here. And so what I left feeling as a caregiver was I knew that I was okay and I knew that I did a good job taking care of him, right? I knew that I took care of his feelings first. And that was most important to me. I knew that I was safe. And it just sat with me, right, like, what is my responsibility to her, if anything? What is my responsibility to him and what is my responsibility to myself? What is my responsibility to teach him, right, as his caregiver?

How do I need to equip him as he goes out into the world with the right tools because that experience will likely not be an anomaly for him. So that, friends, is what's on my mind today. I don't have the answers. I wish, I wish I did. I hope you do. I hope you can put them in the chat, I hope you can leave them in the comments. I know there's not an answer, right? There's not an answer. There's not a solution to this. I think it continues to be that we talk about it. I think it continues to be that we have these conversations and we think about these things as a community and a collective.

But it's definitely on my mind. And so I appreciate you listening to it this morning. I appreciate you being part of the Cadre sphere so that we can continue to have these conversations. And I think it's just an effort on all of our parts, right, to be cognizant of the fact that we're all different. To be cognizant of the fact that, yeah, we have to ask questions, we have to be curious and you know, and to be fair, she was trying to keep me safe. So many Ann Speak Wonder. It's true. So many Anns.

So, yeah, it's just, it's part of the deal, it's part of life and yeah, that's it, friends. And so I'm glad you're here. I'm glad I can share this with you. Join us later today as we continue caregiver day. If you haven't go back to blah blah blah, go back and watch stuff Irwin this morning. She's always fantastic. Watch Speak Wonders. She's going to come to us later today. Watch all of our Cadre contributors. Honestly, go back and watch Anila. She does Leading with Love at 9pm on Wednesdays. It's such a gift.

It's just a reminder that we can be lead with love in life. I mean, who doesn't want to do that? So I'm gonna head into my meeting with MICC to bring another community into the Cadre sphere. Hope you guys have a fantastic day. I'm so glad you're here. So great to see you all. Jules Speak Wonder. Everyone have the best day. Thank you for being part of our Cadre sphere and we'll see you soon.