Harbor Pilots

Hello, cadres Veer. My name is Kathy Joy. My Cadre handle is speak wonder, and my frame of reference is harbor pilots. I live near Lake Erie in the city of Erie, Pennsylvania. m. eastern time on a Thursday, caregiver day. It is always my honor and privilege to have a space here and have a conversation with you. If you're chiming in, hey, steph, let me know where you're from, maybe what time zone you're in. That would be fun. And today, what I'm bringing to you is a life giving list of ways to let the caregiver know that you care.

This week and over the weekend, I've had a house guest, and it's one of those temporary caregiver situations in which life circumstances suddenly pivot you into a place where you're providing space and shelter and meals for somebody in crisis. And that is exactly what has been happening. My friend Jane has a husband, Bernie, who broke his leg in two places, and they had to transport him to my city from where they live, which is an hour south and west of here. And suddenly, here she is in a city she doesn't really know.

Her husband is ten minutes away from my apartment, so it only made sense for me to make my place available and to roll out my couch. It's one of those pull out couches. It actually rolls out into a pretty nice queen bed, and I put one of those pillow toppers on it as well. As a longtime friend of Jane's, I never gave it a second thought. I said to her, let me be your storm home. There is no storm, but her storm is her crisis with this long journey ahead. Now, while her husband's in recovery as well, they will go back to their town for his pt, and they'll be back to life as they know it, but not really with a serious injury, there's a long recovery time as well.

All this to say that I have been noticing Jane while she gets lost in the shuffle, if you know what I mean. The star of the show is the injured party. That would be her husband. And so all the attention is on him. All eyes are focused on his injury, and his surgery was successful. Praise God for that. And Jane is sort of off to the side. People do notice her, and they do address her and talk to her. The surgeon gave a comprehensive report. As her friend, I want her to know how cherished she is in this scenario.

And so I found a list of ways to let your friends know you care and they're very simple and yet they're very meaningful. And I wanted to read some of these items to you. It's such a rich list that I think I'll break it up into two cadres today and next week. So here goes. And also, as I'm reading these to you, I wonder if you could put in the chat ways that you have felt seen and heard by a friend. When you're the caregiver, what are some meaningful ways that you've been ministered to that are simple but powerful?

I'd like to know about that. If you could put it in the chat, that'd be great. So here's the first one. Create a friendship playlist filled with both of your favorite songs. If you have a Pandora Spotify, make a playlist with the two of you's favorite songs. Surprise them with pizza delivered to their house. I love that instead of calling and saying, hey, are you guys going to be home? Well, you might want to know if they're going to be home. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Sometimes when we're in crisis, we refuse help.

Not because we don't want the help, but we're just overwhelmed that we don't know how to make small decisions. Like, yeah, I'd like pizza and this is what I like on it. Go ahead and order the pizza and have it delivered. What a blessing and a surprise to the recipients. How about a paint and sip party? I love this idea. I go to those. And even if you're not a gifted artist, which I'm not, when you follow the instructor and you have a little something something in a glass to help you relax, it's amazing what you can come up with.

Take them or put it on the calendar to take that individual to a paint and sip class with you and spend some time together. Pay them a compliment. I'm coming back to that one because I have a bunch of compliments I'd like to pass on to you. Belly laugh together. If that means going to a comedy club or watching stuff on YouTube that you think is really funny, belly laugh together. How life giving is that? Other ways to let your friend, your caregiving friend know that you care. Gather some fun supplies and make a vision board together.

You could even gather up all the materials yourself and then invite this person over and do that. How about joining a book club together? You don't even have to go in person anymore. Book clubs are just as successful on Zoom from your living room in your jammies or your sweats. I love this one. And I've done this one. Leave a care package outside their door during COVID lockdown. I did this not throwing credit on myself, but I kept thinking, how isolated are we? And we're not supposed to, you know, be in each other's homes.

We're supposed to social distance. However, I could pick up things and put them at my different friends doors, ring the bell and leave and acknowledge. Yeah, I'm the one who left this. But contact wasn't required. And yet it was a wonderful, warm, human touch to receive a care package. That care package could be food, it could be this time of year, it could be Halloween candy, it could be pumpkins. Something that suits that individual that you're encouraging with showing ways that you care. How about this one?

I do enjoy this suggestion. Buy disposable cameras and take photos of beautiful things. The nice thing about an instamatic or a disposable camera is the picture comes out right then and there. You don't have to worry about sending it to Walmart to get printed, and then you have a physical picture to hold or put on the mantel or put someplace in the fridge or something. How about visiting a botanical garden? Some of these gardens, there's a garden near me, a botanical garden that has a labyrinth.

And those are interesting to walk through and very calming. Very calming. How about offering to babysit their kids so they can have some downtime, even for an afternoon, you know, around here again this time of year with harvest and apples and cider, there are many things. There's a cider press in a nearby town that invites families. I could snag somebody's kids. Maybe you could do the same. Take them to a cider press, and they learn about how cider is made, how apples are peeled. Take them to a harvest festival trunk and treat.

You don't have to commit to a weekend. Just take the kids for a day and give that caregiver some respite. Give them a gratitude journal. Oh, I don't have it. It's way over there at the other side of my small apartment, I have a Cadre journal. Write a few notes of gratitude. Thank you for the hearts you just threw at me. Write in your own handwriting some notes of gratitude, and then give that journal to the person so they can add to it. Going for a walk together. And two more here. Going on a thrift store adventure now.

My one friend, Denise, calls it a vintage store adventure. It's antiques. It's thrifting. It's fun. You just never know what treasures are going to find there. And what a happy distraction would that be? And then finally from this list, go with them to an appointment. Do you have someone who doesn't like the dentist? And they're going with fear and trepidation and maybe sedation at the end of their appointment. Drive them. Offer to drive them and drive them home. Simple. Offer all of these touches, these human touches, help the person caregiving another to feel seen and heard and understood.

I mentioned I would get back to the compliments and for me, I don't know about you, but it becomes easy to lean on compliments like you're so cool and I love having you in my life. Those are genuine. Those are lovely compliments. Lovely. But I actually went online and I found some compliments with some content in them and maybe one of these will ring true and you can make it your own. But pay somebody a well thought out compliment that is tailor fit to that individual. I have a few here. Some compliments you might pay to your caregiver friend.

I love when you share the things you're interested in with me. I feel myself leaning forward simply because I know you're passionate about the topic. Yeah, or this one. I love your sense of adventure. And this one, you have such a great way of putting me at ease and putting others at ease of what? A genuine compliment for someone. Thank you, Steph. I love these ideas too, because I'm always searching for ways to place meaning in someone's life in the middle of my busy life. And these are all quite doable.

We could do them after this Cadre. In fact, Steph, I challenge you and the others on replay if you see or hear a compliment on here. Maybe I could even post it in the chat. What do you think? Pay someone, pay that forward to someone today and see what happens. Isn't it a fun and a nice feeling to know that you've put something out there that's going to bless somebody socks off? I sent a card in the mail to my niece, excuse me, and I love it. It's just a humorous card and I know she's going to chuckle when she gets it and that just gives me a real boost.

This is a great one for somebody who speaks their mind. I genuinely love that you're always clear and direct. Yeah. And this one, I know it's not easy to do what you're doing day in and day out, and I want you to know that I see your hard work. I really admire you for it. It puts a lot of miles on somebody's very tired shoes. You radiate compassion. You are so creative and I can't wait to see what you create next. When you say this to a child, you're going to get a lot of refrigerator art. It's going to be amazing.

Your unique perspective always adds value to our conversations. Yes. That was a thundering yes to me. I put an exclamation point beside it because let's be real. We have people with whom we disagree, but we can still have a meaningful conversation and they can still should be valued for their opinion. And what a way to say to say it. Your unique perspective always adds value to our conversations and thank you for what you bring and this one. The way you handle setbacks with resilience is a real testament to your character that's hallmark worthy.

I haven't seen a Hallmark card that's up to that muster. I would write that in a blank card. The way you handle setbacks with resilience is a real testament to your character. Your creativity and imagine have imagination. Your creativity and imagination have always made you a great problem solver. We have problem solver people in our lives. Let's let them know how much that's appreciated. I always notice your commitment to self care and it's inspiring me to take better care of myself. We have Cadre providers, including you, Steph Erwin, who remind us about self care and how important it is.

And it does inspire. And we do need to fill our cups so we can fill the cups of others who need us. Just a few more here. You are a fantastic listener. I always feel understood when I talk to you. You give the best hugs. My friend Jane, who's been staying here, she's at the hospital now with her hubby. We held hands and said a quick prayer the other night and she said, your hands are so soft and warm. That made me feel good. Your honesty is refreshing and I truly admire and appreciate your perspective.

And finally, you have a beautiful soul and you do. And thank you for being here with me on the Cadre on a Thursday. I'm getting ready to take a walk with a friend and she has offered that to me as a caregiver to my 93 year old mom. She said, how about a walk today in the autumn sunshine? It's only 54 degrees, so I'll be putting on, you know, a more weather approved jacket. But I wanted to wear my red corduroy for you today. Shannon Paul is coming up at 03:00 Eastern. Comedy through the chaos. I invite you to hear what she has to say.

What a bright and generous smile she gives us. And tomorrow is grief awareness day on the Cadre. Always something on the replay. And as JC points out, quite often there are some pre recorded contents. There is pre recorded content here on the quadra sphere. It's like a smorgasbord. You just go in and swipe and push buttons and you'll find stuff that's going to minister to your soul. And you do have a beautiful soul and I'm glad I could share today with you. Be well. Blessings, my friend.