"Helping Families with Addiction" - An Interview with an Unlikely Guest

Stop rescuing, because as we've learned, rescuing just doesn't help. So it's said that addiction affects the whole family and not just the ones suffering from the use disorder. We hear a lot about treatment for the user, but rarely about the family and what resources are available. However, there are some amazing support groups available for friends and family affected by addiction themselves. One great free community resource is called FA families Anonymous. And we have the leader of a local FA group who's been in the program since 2008.

Her name is Carla Lieberman. She also happens to be my mom. So Carla Slash mom. First and foremost, what is FA and how does it help support families of those with addictions? Thanks, Evan. Thanks for having me. So Families Anonymous is a twelve step program, and we're primarily for parents with sons and daughters that suffer from mental health issues and substance abuse disorders. We support the family members, we give them a safe place to gather to be with people that understand what they're going through with no judgment.

We have incredible literature, we have incredible readings, and that we can offer some life changing hope for the parents. So how did you first find Fa and why did you choose to attend? Besides, it was all my fault. Well, Evan, when you were an outpatient program, we kept on hearing from the staff how important it was for us as parents to find our own meeting in the community. We needed to work our own recovery, so off we went. We went off to the community. We tried two Al Anon meetings, but dad and I just didn't feel the connection.

So we found Fa by going to an open AA meeting. You were with us, and a man named Bill came up to dad and I and said, I've got a meeting for you. He told us about families anonymous. We went to our first meeting and we found our home. Okay, so who would be appropriate to attend an FA meeting? Well, Fa was originally, over 50 years ago, established for parents of sons and daughters who were suffering from the pain of addiction. But we have members now that have husbands that have wives, they have sisters and daughters that are coming into our room, and they find our message to be actually quite helpful.

So what are the most typical problems facing those who walk into the doors of fa? So people who walk into families anonymous are walking in because they are feeling extremely isolated. They are in pain, they are embarrassed of having a son or a daughter who is suffering from substance use disorders or from mental health issues like anxiety, depression, bipolar disease. There's not anybody that they can sometimes feel they can share with, sometimes because their family members or their friends have these perfect sons and daughters, we're the ones who are feeling guilt or feeling anger.

We're feeling resentment. For many of us, as family members, we really feel like we could have done or should have done something different that would have changed the outcome for our loved ones. What would you say are the three most important principles FA teaches families? Well, there's so many principles that FA has taught us. First of all, and probably some of the most important, are to give up control, to stop fixing our sons and daughters problems, for them to start allowing natural consequences for the choices that they are going to make.

Stop rescuing. Because as we've learned, rescuing just doesn't help. We learn to set boundaries to protect ourselves. Not to be mean, but to protect ourselves and to give up the heavy burden we feel as parents of guilt. We learn that we deserve to be happy and to have a happy life despite the choices our sons and daughters are going to make. We also learn to release with love and give our sons and daughters and family members the dignity to choose and make their own choices. Even when we see a mistake being made, we learn to let go and let God.

Is there a story of someone getting help from the program that stands out to you most? While there are so many stories, after being in the room for 15 years and watching and seeing parents being transformed, they are allowed to laugh again, to smile again. But I think the most important and the most powerful change that I've seen in the 15 years are the dads in the group. Many of the dads are literally being dragged by their wives. They won't talk, they won't share. But when they start understanding that FA is a safe place for them, they start letting their guard down.

They start allowing themselves to be vulnerable. And they let that vulnerability come to the surface. They can start sharing openly and freely of the pain that they've been feeling, and they don't feel judged. They can actually cry in our room without feeling shame. And I've seen it over and over again with the dads. Awesome. Sounds like my dad a little, huh? And he has. Well, thanks. This was so helpful. I think this is going to help so many family members. So how can someone find an FA meeting?

So, just to let you know, families Anonymous is not only all over the United States, we are all over the world. I have groups that are available. org and find a meeting, hopefully close in your community. I also want to thank you, Emma. I want to thank you for coming into the room when you come home because I want you to know over and over how many of our family members have said you have given them hope. Well, yeah, I mean, it's interesting coming from both ends of being someone now who professionally helps families, but then also someone who's been through it.

And I think on a personal level, it is very eye opening going to those meetings. And I think it's important for anyone struggling with addiction, you know, those who have made it to the other side, into recovery, to really hear the impact. And I think a lot of folks, too, who are in recovery and they get sober or they get into sobriety into recovery, they find themselves in a place where they're having to help a lot of friends and family members just by nature of them being sober, having a lot of friends in recovery who go back out and relapse.

So they get to see it for themselves and be on the other end as well. And I think that could be really helpful for them as they help others in their journey, so. Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate your experience, strength and hope, and we're glad that we're out there and we can hopefully make a difference to others in the community. All right, well, we'll see you at Thanksgiving. Bye, Evan. Thank you. Bye.