Things We Aren't Supposed To Talk About

Cadre. Good morning. It is Shannon from Cadre. Welcome to Things We Aren't Supposed To Talk About. It is Shannon. For those of you who don't know me, I am not a clinician. I am not a mental health professional. I am a human being who lives with anxiety. I live with cptsd. I have a child with autism. That's actually what I'm here today to talk about. I see that Luke has joined. For those of you who don't know Luke, he loves to press the heart button in Cadre lives. And so if you are ever joining alive, you'll see the hearts pop up.

That's Luke. But I am so excited to be here today on caregiver day, because in things we aren't supposed to talk about, we talk about the hard parts of caregiving. And from my point of view, I'm someone who went through this. My son's 15 now. He. He has autism. He was diagnosed at 2. And so I like to talk about things that were really, really hard for me that I experienced in a really lonely way because I don't want you guys to feel that. And so if you ever are in that boat, that's why I'm here to talk about it.

Because at that time, I didn't have. I didn't have anyone to talk to. And so I just want to be that space for everyone else. Good morning, Colleen. Good morning, Anila. It's so great to see everybody here. So I'm going to share a story. So last night, a friend of mine called, and she is 40 years old, and she just found out she's having a baby. She is having a baby. As a single woman, she's been trying IVF for a long time with a partner. And she and the partner are in the throes of figuring out if they're going to do this together.

But in reality, she's probably going to do it alone. Good morning, Jules. So I was talking to her on the phone. She's 40. I don't know if I said that. And so I'm older than that, and I have two children. And she calls me and she said, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm having this baby. I'm four months along, and I'm scared, and I don't know what I'm doing. And I was like, yeah, that's. I get it. That. That sounds really scary. And she said, what I'm most scared about is things like, I don't know.

I don't know how to give a Baby a bottle. And I was like, yeah, that makes perfect sense that you've never given a baby a bottle before. You wouldn't know how to do that. And it really reminded me of caregiving. And it reminded me my dog Gilbert is licking coffee out of my coffee cup. Excuse me. And so I'm so sorry, my phone is on my coffee cup. So it reminded me of caregiving in that, you know, learning how to give a baby a bottle is jarring. Right? When you first have a baby, for those of you who are parents, you don't know what to do.

And it is this brand new experience that is just alien. And when you're a caregiver, and especially again, I'm going to use autism, for me, that's my life, my experience. Yeah, Gilbert's. You guys, I'm just going to show you this right now. It's not great. This is what's happening. This is my reality, because this is Cadre. There's also dirty laundry, but you can see this. So I'm ashamed of the type of dog owner I am. It's also throwing me off from my life. So I apologize. But this is. This is authenticity.

Okay? So when you learn to give a baby a bottle, you don't know what you're doing. It is an alien experience. You're not practiced at it. And I mean, when you all. Thank you, Anila. When you all fold your baby for the first time, even you, it's weird. Like, you don't know how to do it. But what I told her was, it's a human. It clicks in, right? There's a humanness to it that clicks in. And you're just gonna know what to do, and you might do it clumsily, and that's it. Right? And that's fine. And I think it's the same for caregiving in so much as when you first start to take care of someone again, when you, like when you get a diagnosis, like get an autism diagnosis, you don't know what you're doing.

And so you. And beyond. Yes, that's right, Amelia. You don't know what you're doing. And especially for those of you in this autism space, particularly, or in any space where there's complicated words or there's language or there's a medical diagnosis or there's a thing that you don't get, you hear something and you might freeze. And honestly, in a lot of ways, it is kind of like holding that baby for the first time when you're just like, oh, my God, what is this? Creature. I'm afraid I'm going to drop it.

You know, all of that stuff. And it kind of like, stops time. When I heard her talking about that, that's. I was, like, taken back to those moments of time stopping. And. And in that. In that. In that diagnosis moment or in that caregiver journey moment where I was like, time slows because I come to that realization of, like, this is a new thing, and. And I'm going to learn this thing, and this is actually going to become part of my existence. This thing that I'm learning right now is going to actually become part of my reality.

And I think that's, like, it's eye opening, it's shocking, it's beautiful. It's change in action, right? Like, in that moment, you know, your life is changing. She knew it on the phone last night. She said to me, I'm scared because I know my life is going to change. Said it is. And also, like, there's gonna be so much freaking beauty in that that you don't know right now. And of course you're scared. And all of this is just life, and all of it is hard, and all of it is beautiful, and it is like.

It is. It is both things. Two things are true. And I just. I think it really just resonated with me as a caregiver and as a human is just like, we are going to continue to be faced as we care for people, whether it is our parents, whether it is our. Our people, our children, whether it's ourselves, right? We're going to be faced with these moments where time slows down, we're given a new word, we're going to get our own diagnosis, maybe, right? And something new is going to enter our world, and we're going to have to embrace it, understand it, and start to live with it.

And so I just wanted to acknowledge that. I think today as I listened to her, I felt, like, love and warmth for her. I felt like I wanted to wrap her up in my arms. I also felt, you know, I felt excitement for her because as a parent and as for those of you who are parents, you know that, like, there's also so many beautiful things coming her way. And I also felt her fear. And so I guess today, for everyone out there who is a caregiver and even just for people who are caring for themselves and their own souls, I want to acknowledge that, like, I see you.

I. I am you. I am going through my life every day with joy and fear and new things happening, and I'm taking them in and I'm embracing them and I'm holding them like that baby and trying to feed him his first bottle. And I'm like, oh, my God, am I gonna drop this baby? Right? And we won't. And so I just want you to know you're not alone in it, and it's real. And that's one of the things we don't talk about. So I'm gonna just bring it back to things we weren't supposed to talk about, but it's normal.

And I'm here to tell you that. So that's it, friends. That's my Thursday morning message. That's it. I'm glad you're here. Thank you, everyone, for showing up. Join us for the rest of the day today. Keep joining us here on Cadre. Join our communities. We have a caregiver community. We have an autism community. We have a relationships and loneliness community. We have amazing contributors here, guys who are like us. So just continue to be here. Thank you for being here. I love that you're a part of the Cadres Fair, and we're going to see you soon.

Thank you, Colleen L. And thanks for.