Week 1 - Conscious Masculinity - What Kind of Man Do You Want To Be This Year

All right. Happy freaking New Year. Kydrasphere. It is 2025. I could make a corny joke and say, like, hey, feels like it's been a year since I've been on, but I won't do that. So this is week one, week one of 2025. And, you know, I know the spirit a lot of the time is resolutions, New Year's resolutions. And as I said in the description to this stream, I wouldn't say that resolutions is my biggest thing. I think part of it's because I'm so immersed in the 12 step culture where it's like, dude, you want to change?

Change. You're not happy with what's going on, do it. Do it now. Don't wait. You know, I was talking to somebody and they were like, oh, I'm just, you know, I'm not really happy with, like, my gym attendance. This was like a month ago. I'm not really happy with my gym attendance. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna set a New Year's resolution to go to the gym more. And I said, hey, how about you go to the gym tomorrow? And, you know, it's. It's kind of like, hey, whatever works for you. You. You do that. That's great.

But for me, change is constant. Change is available at any time that I want it. Now, that being said, you know, when I think of the new year, one of the things I do try to do, because I've learned this through my years of recovery, is I like the idea of an inventory. I like the idea of envisioning a vision kind of guideline. Hi. I don't. I don't even know if I'm supposed to say hi, but I'm saying hi. And. And so, like, my wife and I, right, like, we're sitting down and we are doing a 2025 year plan.

2025 plan for the year. And we're looking at our relationship and our goals for the relationship. We're looking at our finances and our goals for the finances. We're looking at our family overall and our goals for the family. And then we're looking at our work, and we're looking at our goals for the work, and, you know, we're putting it down and we're making commitments and. And just stuff that we really want to kind of reach toward. And so I was thinking about that, and then I was thinking, like, well, what I don't do, what I haven't done, I haven't, like, stepped back ever at the beginning of the year and said, like, what kind of man do I want to be?

You know, I mean, I think about it all the time, so I'm kind of constantly in that awareness and constantly in that practice. But I've never really had like a plan or a guide of like how I want to show up. Like, how do I want to show up as a father? How do I want to show up as a partner and a husband? How do I want to show up as just a man in the community, as a sponsor in my work that I do, but really focused on my experience as a man? What do I want this year, my 15 year old daughter to experience from her father who basically teaches her what to expect from a man?

Like, what should that be? And what about my partner of 21 years? What can we change? What can we do differently? And we're addressing that, you know, in our, in our vision for 2025. But like, when I think about like, okay, you know, like where, where am I really, like not stepping up as a man in this relationship, as a partner in this relationship? And the thing for me, for those of you who kind of follow what I talk about, I know that there are blocks inside of me around masculinity that get in the way of me really showing up the way I want to, that there are those man rules that get in the way of me, like really showing up as the husband I want to be, you know, so, so what is it?

Is it not cultivating enough intimacy and relying on sex? Is it not appreciating my wife and knowing her love languages? Not really, not deferring, but really kind of honoring and connecting with her around those. So this is exciting for me because I want to think about it. I was thinking about it from this perspective. I talk a lot about emotional sobriety and I'll probably do some of that on these streams, even though that may be a little bit of a limited demographic. But emotional sobriety is really, really important to me.

And there's one word that I use all the time for emotional sobriety and it's congruence, right? So like, what is where, how am I congruent? And I was thinking, like, how have I not been congruent in my 12 step community with like the man that I really want to be, Right? And so what does that mean? Well, what that means is how have I been true to myself and what I believe in and what I value? And how have I not either for fear of how guys are going to respond or whatever it is, right? And so that's part of the conversation that's part of what I'm looking at this year, or really right now for this year, is like, okay, well, let's.

What are my goals as a father? What are my goals as a partner? And then what are my goals as a man in recovery? And then just a man in the community? You know, how do I show up? And I think that has great value because so many people live unexamined lives. I was just talking to a really good friend and he was doing a family visit, and his family visit was really tough, was really tough for him. And a lot of it was because his family members seemed to be asleep, like, just not tuned in to how they show up with each other.

And, you know, and it's hard to want that connection and want that, you know, that familial sort of bond and not have it and realize, which I think this is part of what's happening with him, that they just might not be capable of it. And so, like, that's, that's, that's, that's the piece for me. How can I be a kinder man? But more than anything, how can I be the man that I really want to be? And see, the thing is, you hear people talk about that all the time, oh, I just want to be the man I want to be, or you've helped me be the man.

But can you articulate that? Like, can you really say what that is? Like, how do you define that? Like, how do I define that? And so I'm going to take some time and I'm going to really write this out and I'm going to really be thoughtful about this and, like, set my goals for 2025 around these areas. And I encourage you to do the same. And if you're not a male identified individual, do it as a woman. Do it however you identify. Be intentional. Because we all follow rules around gender. Even if you think you don't, chances are you follow rules around gender, but you're not necessarily conscious of them.

You're not aware of how much these rules are ruling you and how much they're impacting you. And so for me, I'm just going to step back and I'm going to say, like, okay, for 2025, what kind of man do I want to be? Because that's the, that's, that's the gift, right? When you begin to live an examined life, you get to ask that question and then you get to actually make it matter. You actually get to put substance to it. And so that's my commitment to all of you, is that I'm going to do that, that I'm going to report back around what I came up with and I'm looking forward to it.

And so again, if you're male identified, female identified, however you identify, take the time to just really be thoughtful, you know, think about all the stuff that gets in the way. I mean, you know, the woman rules are as brutal as the man rules and can block women from having the kind of life that they really want. And I talk about women and the woman rules sometimes and sometimes I don't. But like, for me, right, the key is exactly what you just said. Speak wonder. Right? How am I showing up in the world in 2025?

How am I showing up in the world and how am I being true to who I really am? What am I speaking, where am I speaking up about some of the ugly, unhealthy behavior that I see from men or women? How am I being kinder and gentler? You know, I can be, I can have a rough edge and I have a good sense of humor. I'm funny, I'm quick witted, but sometimes maybe it has its peace, you know, so that's. This isn't a New Year's resolution. This is about stepping back and really envisioning just this year, just this year, where do I really want to go as the man that I want to be and how intentional can I be about it and really kind of set up how to do that this year and surround myself with the people who will support me and be accountable because without the accountability, without the commitment to it, then it's just wasted time.

And it's my experience, you just can't do it by yourself. You know, we need other people to reflect back to us. So I will for sure share it with my wife. I will for sure share it with good friends and I will for sure share it with my sponsor in 12 step recovery, because that's an important component for me. So I'm super excited about this opportunity. I'm kind of a nerd when it comes to personal growth because I just, you know what? I don't want to live. I don't, I don't want to find myself dying or on my deathbed with any iota of regret.

And so I keep moving toward who I believe God has always intended me to be, whatever that is. So happy New Year to everybody. Thanks for joining in and I wish you, everyone.