Coffee Chats w/ Dr. D

Hi, Cadre. It's me, Dr. D. Sorry for my tardiness today. I am pivoting because what I originally wanted to discuss was about our emotions and intimacy. And I just got out of a session and something that came up in that session just kind of sparked my interest. And I may have talked about this before, so if I have, please forgive me. But if I did and it's coming back around, that means we need to talk about this again. So. Hello, everybody. Welcome in. I see you, Rachel, and Speak Wonder. I do have my coffee today.

It's almost gone, though. Check it out. It was good too. But let's talk about this idea of us being too much. And I think JC is one that talks about not being too much. And I don't know how he phrases it. So I want to hit this a little bit. But there was something that came up in a session where. And this is very common. I think it's a common experience that we don't talk about. Hi, Luke. Oh, I hope you enjoyed your vacation. I'll be going on vacation this coming weekend, so going to Vegas to celebrate my son's 21st birthday.

So that'll be fun. Speak Wonder. You're on your third cup of coffee, girl. I need to catch up. But let's talk about this being too much. So I want you, I want you all to think about moments when you were dealing with something and you have your circle, maybe it's one person that is your go to person and you evaluated your ability to reach out to them based on what they have going on in their own life. So if you have a friend or it's your partner, whoever it is, maybe it's your best friend. And they have their own children, they have their own spouse, they have their own things that they're dealing with, maybe that struggles with business.

And you have your own stuff going on too. And that person is your person that you talk to, but you stop yourself from reaching out because you feel like they can't handle it. Maybe you told yourself what I have going on is too much. And I want to talk about that feeling we have of we're too much. The person that is in our life can't handle us. And that's not true. So when we do that, we are robbing the people in our lives that care about us from the opportunity to show up for us. We're robbing them of opportunities to be present with us and to show us empathy, especially when we need it.

So I don't know if you've ever done this. I've done this myself where I've looked at some things that I was dealing with personally. And you all know, you know, me being a therapist, I'm always taking in other people's emotions, and I'm always trying to process and be present for other people on a daily basis. And I don't just do that as a profession. I think that's just who I am. I'm built as an empathetic person, so that's a natural thing for me to do for others. But there are moments when I need to receive that, and there are people that I want to reach out to, and I might stop myself and say, oh, but they have this going on.

Oh, they just lost someone important to them. Oh, they just got divorced, or they're dealing with their kids issues at school. They can't handle what I have to give them. And there are times when I've actually decided, you know, what, I need them anyway. And I'm glad that I did reach out, because in those moments, the person that I shared my pain with actually thanked me for sharing the pain with them. And part of the reason why was because it took. It kind of gave them a distraction from their own stuff, and it gave them a sense of they were needed in a different way.

And so they were able to show up, and they wanted to show up for me. And so I want to challenge you all to think about moments like that for yourself. Are you preventing others from showing up for you? And who are you to decide that you're too much for them? That's giving ourselves a lot of power to say that what we have going on and who we are and the things that we're dealing with is too much for someone else to handle. We don't get to decide that. We can't tell someone else that my stuff is too big for you.

Because the truth is, people are built at different capacities and a way to maybe change or reframe how we do this. How do we get what we need in moments when we think someone else speak, wonder I'm outing you. I'm talking about you, girl. So how do we do this? And I think what we need to do is just ask the question. Hey, I've got something going on. I can kind of give you a little bit about what it is, but I want to know, are you in a space where you can hold this for me? Are you in a space where you can hear me?

And if not, if they say no, that's their decision, Right? But you don't get to decide that for them. And if they say yes, okay, let's talk about it. But even if they say no, maybe the other answer, other response they might give is, I can't right now, but I do want to be there for you. And I'm pretty sure that's probably the most. The most common response we might get is, I can't right now, but I do want to be there. So don't rob people of the opportunity to show up for you and stop telling yourself that you're too much, because it's not true.

You're just enough. You're just right. Right. No matter how big or small the issue is or the concern is, we are built for connection. And when we don't reach out for help, we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to get connection that we need. We're also robbing people in our lives of the opportunity to connect with us. So think about that. If this has shown up in your life recently, I just want to challenge you to, you know, really consider how you can also show up for others when you feel like you don't have the space, because maybe you still can.

Maybe there are moments when you feel like you have so much going on that the other person's stuff is maybe comfort. Maybe it's affirmation that you're not alone in your own experience. That's another thing I want to. That just came to me. Like, sharing our pain can show us sometimes that we're not alone. So you guys know I talk about the loneliness epidemic, and I think this is part of it where we don't talk about our pain. So I am here, and I will. I will tell you, you know, just being transparent here.

There are things going on in my life that, I mean, it's not completely horrible. It's not. I can't really. You know what? I'm going to take this back. I'm not going to measure my pain up to someone else. But we all go through things, and we all go through things that might seem big to us, but not as big to someone else. And that's part of the reason why we should be able to share what we have going on and not decide for someone if they can handle it, because our big thing might be their little thing.

Okay, I'm going to leave you all with that. So I am going to finish my cup of coffee right now. I'll probably get another one later today because I have a pretty full day. But I just want to encourage you all today to stop telling yourselves that you're too much. Because you're not. All right, y'all have a wonderful week. I will probably be a little tired because I'll be traveling back home next Tuesday morning, like, early in the morning. But I will show up for you all because I just love this space.

I don't care if I'm still in the car. I'm going to show up for you. Okay? So you all have a wonderful week, and I'll see you next time. Bye.